The great WTF mysteries of motherhood: Part 1

Stumbling through motherhood is much like discovering an alternate universe of quirks, wonders, monstrosity and hilarity. It’s like being handed the world’s hardest jigsaw puzzle – you’re not really certain it’s an entire set, if the pieces will ever fit together, or if you’ll ever be done with it.

A jigsaw puzzle? Nah, scrap that…way too tame…let’s go for a Rubiks Cube of WTFs… you know there must be a solution to some of these wondrous elements of this challenging puzzle, it’s just you really have no idea what it is most of the time…

And it’s with that sentiment that I bring you this new series:The great WTF mysteries of motherhood…in the hope that together, we may crack it together. And so without further ado, here are my first 10 WTF mysteries of motherhood that circle endlessly in my head…

  1. Why do so many women appear to “disappear” once they become mums?
  1. Why is it so hard to talk to other mums at playgroups, despite the fact you are all desperate to talk to each other?
  1. Why do we crave time to ourselves like crazy, but about 2 hours of separation (sometimes much less), miss our little beans like our arm has been torn off?
  1. Why do we spend so long dreaming about and wanting children, yet once we become mums we spend a substantial amount of time working out how to get some time away from them?
  1. Why do we all say we’ll never be THAT mum…and then slowly morph into THAT mum?
  1. Why do we all say we will never become our mum…and then oh hello! We become more and more like her each day..
  1. Why does the whole world seem to be full of mothers putting on a “brave face” to each other when all they would really like to do is cry, scream or rant?
  1. Why do the streets seem to be full of mums too frightened to smile at each other or exchange a few words when they are absolutely desperate for a bit of adult conversation?
  1. Why do we want another child despite being practically broken by our first?
  1. Why does nobody tell us about all the things they wish they had been told before becoming a mum (read more about that here), until after you become a mum?

Are we just all a bunch of silly sausages? Or is someone (probably mother nature) playing a mean trick on us? Answers on a postcard please…

If you have some mysteries that you’d like to be included in the next part of this series, or have any plausible answers to any of the above, then please leave them in a comment below!

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  1. Such a great post, it’s so true I spend a lot of time thinking I should go and speak to other mothers and sometimes I take the brave step and start a conversation and then you think what was I worried about? A good set of questions to make one think and I think it’ll just take one person to break the mould and maybe everyone else would follow. Lots to think about 🙂 Jen XOXO

  2. Points 1&2. I spent a long time with no 1 going to playgroups and realising that often the only thing I had in common with the other women is being a mother. The lack of other mutual interests meant there’s only so far conversation can go. Plus I was often too tired to actually make conversation! Friendships take a long time to grow – some of my now friends I didn’t speak to for 6 months despite seeing them weekly at some group or other. And there were lots of deadends of having coffee a few times only to realize the friendship possibility was limited!

    • I think you nailed it there Sonya – I had exactly the same experiences…at the end of the day you can’t force friendships (especially when you’re knackered! )and I wonder whether there is a little voice deep down inside us which is telling us precisely that…hence making us somewhat reluctant to strike up that conversation in case it leads to that ubiquitous dead end…

  3. You’re so right.

    For the last year or more I’ve lived two doors down from a another new mum and every time we bumped into each other we’d say hi and sometimes have a good chat. We seemed to get on really well, but for some stupid reason I never plucked up the courage to ask her in for coffee or suggest a playdate. She moved out yesterday so I’m too late now!

    Maybe we lose our bottle a bit when we’re not used to much adult company.

    • I don’t know what it is…it’s like we have this weird invisible wall that we just can’t climb over. Every now and then I have just about managed to scramble over it in desperation when I finally get to the “what the hell” way of thinking…!

  4. Oh gosh I can so relate to these points! I don’t know why it’s so hard for mums to reach out to each other, but it really is! A fear of being judged perhaps? Or just being so goddamn freaking tired that you’re not able to start a conversation…

    And I am totally turning into my mother. (And I’m OK with that…) 🙂

  5. The Mother says – Ticked off most of these…………. It’s one of the weirdest things to see in a mums/toddler groups. Kids playing, mothers stood on the edge, all nervously eyeing each other and desperate to talk to each other. Really enjoyed reading this 🙂 #sharewithme

  6. Great post and oh so true!! I was definitely one of those mums who stood in a playgroup quietly watching my child and feeling awkward about talking to people. I don’t know if it’s because I knew I was going back to work and felt uncomfortable about it. It seemed that everyone was a sahm and I think I felt like a bad mum for having to go back! Or I just felt like I didn’t have anything in common – even though the common ground was our children! Word huh, I still feel a bit like this on the nursery run – I see mum’s having full on conversations at the gate whereas I just say hi! I can’t tell you why! Thanks so much for linking up with #twinklytuesday

  7. Haha these are THE questions, I can totally relate. I don’t think there are any answers, it’s just the way it is! I think it’s all about making an effort at playgroups, and sometimes I’m just too tired or feeling brain-dead to talk! #sundaystars
    Sabrina x

  8. People often say they will not become ‘THAT’ mum but until you are actually living and experiencing motherhood you can’t say what will happen. You just do what gets you through and keeps everyone happy. Very interesting post, look forward to part 2! x

  9. When it comes to the whole “why did no-one tell me it was going to be like this before” question, I do wonder if it just wouldn’t have been something you would seek out anyway. The biological clock starts ticking, the last thing you want to be told is that motherhood will bring you to your knees! And even if you were told, would you care? Would it really mean anything? Would you assume that it would be different for you? Who knows. Biology. It’s a funny thing… 🙂 Thanks for linking up to #thetruthabout hon X

    • I think right there, must be the answer…it’s not like we ever want to hear the potentially bad stuff about any decision we might make, so why would motherhood be any different? Thanks for hosting as ever x

  10. I can relate to so many (I definitely disappeared for a while!) and I guess you don’t find out some stuff until after because no one wants to be the burden of bad news – some things you just have to find out for yourself. I must have been the most annoying pregnant person to some of my already-mum friends. But the optimism is what I needed to get through and I literally didn’t hear any negativity! Some great questions and WTF indeed 😉 Thanks for linking up to #Thelist xx

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