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Hello everybody! Today is World Sleep Day and so what better time to put out the second installment of our Sleep Sessions series. In this edition, Sleep Consultant Samantha Sadighi of Easy Sleep Solutions and I wanted to focus on one of the most confounding aspects of new parenthood – newborn sleep. If you missed the first part you can catch up here.

I’d like to meet the person who coined the phrase “sleeping like a baby“. I remember before we welcomed our daughter into this world, someone we knew at the time saying to us with a wry smile, “better get in all the sleep you can now!”. Oh how right he was!

Dealing with newborn sleep – or more the impact of the disruptions that newborn sleep (or wakefulness!) presents to you in new parenthood is basically just a part of being a parent. I remember that my partner and I did shifts when my daughter was a newborn because the bottom line was: she did not sleep, and neither did we. For anyone wondering whether sleep deprivation really is effective as a form of torture, on having a newborn you will know that it most certainly is!

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I think I can safely say for most parents, having children is one of the greatest privileges we can possibly have.  Regardless of whether you’re a Mum, Dad or adopted parent (or anything in between), we ALL remember the moment we held our child in our arms for the first time.  The outpouring of unconditional love we felt in that moment is precious.  We’re riding that oxytocin wave of feel good hormones, where all is well in the world.

Reality hits

Skip on a few hours or days when you get to bring your bundle of joy home and suddenly, the oxytocin wave is more of a dribble…suddenly, you’re faced with the realisation that this kid is YOURS!  No more handing them back when they cry or won’t feed, they’re your responsibility! GULP!

I don’t know about you, but I walked in the door of our little flat with my eldest for the first time and burst into tears.  I had no idea what I was doing!  Children (especially babies) don’t come with instruction manuals (although, my, how I wish they did). 

Needless to say, there’s plenty of books on the market giving well-meaning advice, but with so much to choose from, it’s hard to know which one to start reading (if indeed you get a moment to yourself to read it). And as for well-meaning advice from friends and family, it can all get a little overwhelming, can’t it?

One of the major issues of course is sleep!  Not just babies, but our own.  Perhaps you spent those first few nights, like me, not daring to sleep.  I just kept staring at my daughter partially in amazement that she was finally here, and partially feeling totally underprepared!

You may think that I’m starting this post a little negatively, but actually, I’d like to think I’m just being realistic.  After all, I’m pretty sure we’ve all felt those emotions, just some a little more than others.  And I want you to know it’s ok to feel like this!

Newborn sleep & helping newborns to adjust

Realistically, when babies are first born, they struggle to know when it’s daytime and when it’s night time – they really do just eat, sleep and, well, poo!  Although it’s difficult to ‘train’ your baby to sleep at this age, there’s certainly things you can do to help.  

The most important I always suggest is having a bit of a routine and creating good habits.  As humans, we’re creatures of habit, even as adults.  If we think about it, we all like the security of knowing what’s coming next, and of course, children are no different.  It definitely also really helps us as parents if we have a bit of a plan rather than totally winging it (although the latter does work for some people!).

Having said that, the stress of trying to stick to a strict schedule with a newborn can actually make things even more exasperating (they’re not performing seals after all). 

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Getting clued up on their awake windows

My advice would be to pay attention to their ‘awake windows’.  This is the amount of time they’re awake between one nap and the next – so from when they open their eyes from one nap to closing their eyes for the next one. 

Ideally, we want to start getting them ready for the next nap a little before the end of the awake window so there’s time for a nappy change and to be popped into a sleeping bag (if you use one) so they’re ready to fall asleep at the right time.  So for example babies between birth and 6 weeks can generally tolerate being awake for just 45 minutes to about an hour!  (Obviously, each baby is different, so this is just a guide.)

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Frustratingly, what we see as signs of tiredness in our newborns can often actually be them approaching the dreaded overtiredness, in which case trying to get them to fall asleep can become really problematic!  It also means that when they do finally drop off, the naps are likely to be shorter too.  These signs differ from child to child and aren’t always cut and dried, but as a guide:

Signs of tiredness can include;

• Rubbing their eyes
• Redness around their eyes
• Yawning
• Grizzling (but not full on crying)
• Sucking their fingers (which can be a way they learn to self soothe themselves to sleep)

Signs of over-tiredness on the other hand can include;

• Staring off into space/glazed look
• Hard to soothe
• Grizzle crying becomes full on crying
• Not wanting to be put down

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Eat, play, sleep

As well as bearing in mind their awake windows, it’s also worth trying to incorporate an ‘Eat, Play, Sleep’ structure to their day too.  That’s to help prevent falling asleep while feeding becoming a ‘prop’ or ‘association’ (which I’ll explain more in my next post).

Of course, when we’re tired, we’ll try almost anything just to get our little angel to sleep – I know I did!  And that’s fine, there will never be any judgement from me, just so long as you’re doing it safely.  Hopefully, you’re already aware of the safe sleep guidelines from The Lullaby Trust, but if you’re not, it’s worth having a look at them HERE.

If our little one isn’t sleeping terribly well at night, then neither are we.  And if you’re one of the 1 in 10 Mothers (or indeed Fathers!) who suffer from Postnatal Depression, sleeplessness can exacerbate this.  If you are at all worried about how you’re feeling, I would always urge you to reach out for help, whether it’s to your GP, Health Visitor, partner, family or friends.  Having a baby is tough, so don’t make things any harder on yourself than they already are – you don’t have to suffer in silence.