Coping with a loss is difficult at any age, and dealing with the death of a parent is never easy. Supporting a spouse whose parent has passed away and helping them through this difficult time is incredibly important, as they may need additional help to navigate this next stage of their life.
There is no blueprint for grief, which can make it hard for those trying to be helpful to provide support. Instead, you have to navigate this difficult time with them and try to guide them through this next stage in their life. You might not have all of the answers all of the time, but your support will be a welcome addition to their life. Here are just some of the ways you can support a partner after the loss of a parent.
Understand the grieving process
Learning as much as you can about grief will help you to be a better ally. Going through your own grief isn’t enough to really understand how to support someone, as we all experience it in a different way.
This is why it’s important to step outside of your comfort zone and try to understand more about what they might be going through. By educating yourself on the stages of grief, you will be better equipped to manage whatever the situation throws at you. These coping strategies might help you, for example.
Encourage them to talk
Grief can throw up a lot of feelings, and talking about them can go a long way to start processing them. It can be difficult to talk, particularly if the person feels they don’t want to burden anyone else with their problems. Being able to talk freely, no matter how repetitive it might sound, is an essential step.
If your partner doesn’t feel comfortable talking to you, their friends, or their family, it could be helpful to encourage them to speak to a professional. A therapist or counsellor can help to bridge the gap between well-meaning loved ones and an actual professional that can offer practical advice.
Give them time
Everyone grieves at a different pace, and there is no set timeline for when they will have to “get over it”. Encourage them to keep moving forward, but don’t make them feel that they have a schedule to keep. The stages of grief are often not a straight line but can cycle around, going back and forth. It can feel frustrating to see the person you love seemingly going backwards in the grieving process, but everything must happen in its own time.
Help with the practical arrangements
Planning a funeral and memorial service while you are grieving is a difficult task. Taking care of the smaller details can be a huge source of relief for someone grieving the loss of a parent. When you are dealing with someone so momentous, it can be difficult to gain perspective, and organising a funeral might feel like the last thing you want to think about.
If they are scattering the ashes, this is another arrangement to consider, and some families will also arrange to have the cremation ashes turned into ashes rings or other keepsakes. Helping to put these plans in place will be an enormous weight off your partner’s shoulders.
By taking care of some of the practical considerations, you can lighten the load for your partner and help in a significant way. You can also act as the spokesperson for your partner by relaying messages to wellwishers. They might want to retreat for a while and not deal with anyone, so offering to keep in touch with individuals on their behalf can be incredibly beneficial.
Encourage them to stay healthy
It’s common for grief to have a negative impact on our physical health, as well as our mental health. Encouraging your partner to stay active and to eat healthily might seem like a very small thing, but it could be very significant in the long term. When your partner is neglecting their own health, you can be the person to make sure they are nourished and ready to tackle their grief.
You don’t have to be pushy about health and diet. Sometimes all you need is to prepare healthy meals, ensure they always have healthy snacks to hand and suggest taking a walk every now and then. These simple steps will help to safeguard their mental health.
Don’t neglect your own needs
It’s very easy to allow grief to consume your relationship, but don’t let this happen to the detriment of your own health and wellbeing. Think about what you need and don’t be afraid to put yourself first every now and then.
Something as simple as taking a break from your partner to catch up with a friend or family member could be significant in helping you to continue providing excellent support. It can be exhausting to keep supporting a person through grief, so don’t be afraid to put yourself first when you need to.
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