Mum make up – what rubbish is in your bag?

mum make up

The other day I was reading in the Sunday Times Style magazine about the booming beauty industry. Yes apparently the beauty industry is absolutely EXPLODING like it never has before, fuelled by an army of beauty bloggers, vloggers and Instagram posts. OK so what? You may ask. Nothing that exciting about that.

OK but here is the thing that made my jaw drop. Some of these beauty influencers will apparently use around 40…yes 40!!!! products to get ready for one particular event or occasion…and even four products alone on their flipping eyebrows. EYEBROWS????! I mean, come on now.

It got me thinking how opposite this must be to all us mums – yes, me..and you out there reading this now. Although apparently alongside the “gym look”, the “first thing in the morning look” there is also a “school run look” – excuse me while I just punch these people in the throat! Because who even has time to “get a look” on the school run apart from a very pissed off one?

I mean, when it comes to mum make up – what’s inside your bag?  I bet it’s nowhere near forty products. I’m thinking more likely:

  • A dry old crumbly mascara
  • A foundation you have probably managed to keep going for at least two years, possibly three or four, so infrequently does it see the light of day
  • A stubby old bit of eyeliner which hasn’t rubbed up against a sharpener since its existence
  • A smashed blusher box and a blusher brush that leaves a trail of bristles all over your mum visage
  • The same eyeshadow palette which you have been rocking since pre-mum days which is probably about to give you conjunctivas at any moment, and probably only has one colour left in it
  • Some random on-a-whim products you bought which have never been used, let alone opened
  • A manky old lipstick which is so off-trend it could make you cry
  • As for eyebrows, you never even have a chance to pluck them (where did those tweezers GO!!!?) let alone put flipping four products on them!

Not the stuff that beauty dreams are exactly made of, eh?

Well it’s good news. Apparently our crusty ageing make up collections will pick back up again in our 50s, once we have largely kicked motherhood to the curb) and actually have time to wash our faces in the morning, and even slap a few beauty products on them!

So just for the record…what’s in your mum make up bag? Is it as a pathetic as the contents listed above, worse? or maybe you are a rare mum who manages to actually rock a bit of beauty prowess? Go on,  fess up in a comment below…

Did this post tickle you? Please go on and give it a little Facebook share, Tweet, or Stumble!***



  1. I feel very lucky right now because make up is a big thing for me! Not to cover my face up or anything but because I love playing around with different looks and Leon sits in between my legs and watches during morning routine. Although that’s only on morning where there’s no nursery & we can take a bit of time, otherwise it’s some moisturiser (if inremember) and a mad dash out the door! Great post as ever hun.

    Jordanne ||

  2. Make-up collection? I never had one! 😉 I don’t wear make-up and never really did, not even in my “younger” years. Only wear during special occasions like weddings 😉 The “school run” look made me giggle too. I’m guessing they really meant the “frazzle” look 😉

  3. I don’t even have a make up bag anymore. I have a tray on my dressing table which has foundation, mascara, eyelash curlers, pen eyeliner, face pearls and blusher. Me 10 years ago would be ashamed!

  4. eh 40 products? I am not sure I know what 40 products I could even use at one time lol!! I need to clean my makeup bag out though, I have make up in there that I have had a LONG time, probably since before the kids were born !! x

  5. Yea that just about sums up my make up bag, lol! I am astonished by these young mothers who have the time to do their hair and makeup before the school run. I’m all like – yay, the kids are in clean clothes, fed and with their teeth brushed, I’m good! 🙂

  6. Usually there’s about 4 Carmex lip balms. I live on them. Last week I took the plunge and tried wearing lipstick again. I need to practice this (a lot). I too have a broken face powder. It’s way too much to throw away. I always think it’s best to keep routines simple. Not sure what it says about someone if they have to use 40 products to look ok????? Maybe they don’t have a job or kids to look after. My staples re concealer, blusher, face powder , maybe some mascara, all shoved on, I mean applied in 2 minutes flat! xx #coolmumclub x Sunita

  7. Generally I can be seen wearing two types of make up – way too much or none! Mostly the latter…guess I must be a natural beauty or LOOK LIKE A SACK OF SHIT. Ah, probably the latter again! 😉

  8. Oh YES to the smashed blusher box. I am so fed up of the crumbliness that used to get smeared across every bloody thing I now use lipstick on my cheeks (and not on my lips). I know I could buy one of those smart ‘cream blushers’ but somehow I’m just not grown up enough to… it’s the Aunt Sally look for me most days. #coolmumclub

  9. All my make up is crumbled or the packaging cracked as every time I’m getting ready both children want to help, they aren’t gentle x

  10. I have recently bought some new make up as thought I’d better make an effort as I’m stumblibg towards 40 but never actually wear it! All the contouring/baking/highlight confuses me. #coolmumclub lifeinthemumslane

  11. I have 2 makeup extremes; the “take the shite look off” which is BB cream, mascara and a lip balm….this is the everyday go to and can be completed while on the school run, with a coffee in one hand!
    When I get to go out in the world for professional or grown up occasions I go with the full on beauty junkie, at least 16 products for a full face and yes my eyebrows get 3 products to themselves!
    Feast or famine nothing in between x

  12. I think I have found a happy medium – I am stuck in a rut using the same products I bought when I got married. I don’t buy much, I just always replace the same stuff on repeat. Probably a very dated look, I prefer ‘classic’, but I don’t waste money on anything else! And none of it is too crusty as I wear the exact same thing everyday.
    And I find my look perfectly accessorises my neanderthal eyebrows.
    x Alice
    thanks for hosting #coolmumclub

  13. 40 products for one look?! Damn, I must have been doing things wrong all these years…I was a makeup artist pre-tots and I’m pretty sure it didn’t take me 40 products per look! I will confess I have a lot of makeup because I love it, but I rarely get to use it! It’s usually a bit of mascara and some lip gloss if I’m lucky! My eldest son plays with it more than I do ha ha! #coolmumclub

  14. I had pretty much given up on make-up when baby number 2 came along. But when she was about 18months, I got a new pair of glasses that were very different to my old pair and I thought that was a good point to start wearing it again! I do wonder what people thought when I went from 18 months of wearing none at all, to suddenly wearing it everyday, but hey ho! I don’t wear much – it’s definitely a natural look, but I’m glad I’ve got back to it – I do feel like I’m looking after myself a bit more. #CoolMumClub

  15. Thats crazy! I have mascara, eyebrow pencil (only gets rarely used) and a lipstick or 2. If I’ve got all of them on I feel like I’m winning at life! #coolmumclub

  16. I love makeup, before I started my blog I used to follow loads of beauty blogs and vlogs. I like to get the rare pieces of makeup brand that nobody has found yet- like Dr Jart BB cream- love this stuff, used it for over a year, literally saves me when i have to go out and don’t want any foundation or layers of powder on. Great for a mum too! But i do have the odd rusty piece of lipstick or crumbling powder that needs chucked 🙂 #coolmumclub

  17. Forget the make up.. Bag?? I haven’t had a bag in years! 🙂 .. True to form, another hilarious post! #coolmumclub

  18. Haha LMAO right now. I just can’t afford fancy cosmetics so I can’t justify it at all. My make-up bag belongs to a teenager…. I have Rimmel, No 17 and Barry M and sometimes supermarket own stuff. The thing all works fine and looks great so why would I spend more money when I can save that money for wine?! Durrr Tor xx #CoolMumClub

  19. That sounds almost exactly like my makeup bag. It only comes out of the cupboard if I’m going to a wedding, and some years my work Christmas party. In the summer I almost never wear makeup (that’s not much different than winter, let’s be honest) because it pretty much melts off. that’s not a good look for anyone! Also I have no makeup skill so I can’t imagine trying new things – and for my eyebrows, no way! Mascara and lip gloss are almost all I wear even when I get “done up”. Great post!

  20. When I was pregnant I was given the advice: ‘Read the Sunday papers cover to cover in bed and wear as much make up as you possibly can’. I didn’t appreciate what good advice that was at the time.
    I don’t think I was ever a 40 products a day person but my new slimline ‘mum make up routine’ now consists of concealer (lots), mascara and blusher. Maybe some fake tan and eyeliner if I’m feeling wild. Times have changed! #coolmumclub

  21. Haha this is brilliant, the school run look! Just be glad I am here on time let alone made up! My childless friend took pity on my pathetic makeup bag and bought me a gorgeous set in September last year, I’m still using the mini sized mascara now! Eek her millitary style make up tool box would be crying at my terrible girl behaviour! Popping by for #coolmumclub

  22. I think you may have been looking in my make-up bag when you wrote that list – I actually can’t remember the last time I plucked my eyebrows, definitely over a year ago (thank god I’m blonde!) Pre-baby, I had TWO make-up bags – one for everyday and one for special occasions….those were the days #coolmumclub

  23. My collection sounds very much like your list above, along with a side serving of snot on each make up brush (not mine I might add) and a sprinkle of raisins, possibly a crayola and a couple of Peppa Pig stickers. My make up bag was “claimed” as part of the tots toy selection many years ago. Euggh.
    Very funny post! Thanks for hosting #coolmumclub and I hope you enjoy your summer break xx

  24. Yikes … I don’t own anywhere near 40 bits. I use 5 things religiously and a night out provokes an attempt at eyeshadow. Lame. I do love SpaceNK tho … just standing in it, not buying £££! x #coolmumclub

  25. I think I must be one of the lucky mums that manages to sneak away to do her make up each morning! I have a fair few products, but I regularly use the same ones that I’ve been using for a few years now. I should probably watch some of those vlogs and upgrade my make up bag LOL #coolmumclub Emily

  26. FORTY PRODUCTS!??? WHAT PLANET ARE THESE PEOPLE ON? If I added up all the products I’d ever owned I don’t think it would be that many. And that is why I am not a beauty blogger. I can definitely identify with the list above. All my make up is completely trashed by Piglet anyway. He loves stealing it and sticking his little fingers into all the powders and blushers. #coolmumclub

  27. I definitely envy people who have the time and resources to get themselves ready like that. My makeup bag includes lots of products due to an old ipsy box subscription. But my daily routine usually involves about 5 products. #coolmumclub

  28. Love this!
    My mum-make up bag is a disgrace, I have to say.
    The one overwhelming characteristic of my make up bag is DUST.
    Yes, it’s actually dusty. Dusty from foundation mineral stuff, dusty from a glitter pot of eye shadow (yes, well aware no one actually has used a glitter eye shadow since 1999) I have concealer smudges where I’ve wiped excess off instead of using a tissue (yes I am that lazy / scummy / vandalesq)
    oh god, I’ve got to stop there and go sort my make up bag out…
    #coolmumclub xxx

  29. Oh my god this is me all over!I have one dried up mascara, one seriously grim bottle of foundation that I never use and a few eyeshadows I haven’t used in years. I have several of those stubby eye liners you mentioned too. Cant velieve so people have over 40 differenr products #coolmumclub

  30. This is so accurate!! The other day when I was putting 1 of my 4 (not 40!) make up items on Archie asked why I wear make up. To cover my spots and dark eyes I replied. I can still see your spots and dark eyes Mummy. Thanks son…perhaps I need to invest in some more of these 40 products! #coolmumclub

  31. I’m still using my ‘wedding makeup’ from 2013! So at least the brands are good, but can’t believe how long it’s lasted! I also seem to collect brightly coloured lip glosses and nail varnish which I never get around to, or have any occasion to wear. I definitely always lose my tweezers too. I have promised my self lately that I will get better in this department though and treat myself more! #coolmumclub xx

  32. This is hilarious, absolutely love it! Yes there are far less than forty make up items in my bag (forty, really?!?) – I would say there are six…BB cream, mascara, liquid eyeliner, eye shadow, lip salve and lipstick, and all of those are products that are approaching a year old. Eeeek make up has just fallen off the radar lately! Thanks so much for hosting #coolmumclub and hope you have a fab summer. See you in September xx

  33. Erm, did you actually look inside my make up bag when doing your research to write this…? As its scarily accurate!! Here’s something that’ll make you laugh though: I took my make up bag with me when I went into labour. You know, so I could look halfway decent for the first photos with Baby Lighty…yeah, think I must’ve been high on the gas and air when I dreamt that idea up!! #coolmumclub

  34. I’ll confess, I secretly love watching beauty vloggers! Not because I am anything like them but because I get this sick pleasure from imagining what could be if I had endless time (and money – coz most of what they use ain’t cheap!)

    For me, it depends. Some days I wear none at all. Some I wear my “basics” which is BB Cream, powder, blusher, highlighter and mascara. And if I’m going to work (I work in an office with beautiful young things who all look like beauty vloggers!) or out out I also use eye shadow, lip gloss and I do my eye brows.

    But my products are all cheap and worn, sadly X #coolmumclub

  35. I used to have so much make up (I technically still do, though god knows what state it’s in as it has not been touched in years!), but I now use concealer and occasionally mascara and that’s it. #coolmumclub

Leave a Reply

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.