Why is motherhood so tough these days? In my view, it’s because we are so bloody tough on ourselves as mums. We are mums who have been brought up to reach for the stars, to have it all, and so we expect too much from ourselves as mothers and as individuals. We were the generation who were brought up in the just muddling along era, and now we are the generation that seems to be trying to do everything era. So hey mama! Stop being so hard on yourself, and when this motherhood thing gets tough, which it so often does, here are some things you need to remember:
1. You’re doing the best you can
I know, believe me, I know that often it feels like you’re pushing water up hill with a fork, like everything you do is being thrown back in your face, that there are days when you feel like the biggest idiot, the biggest mess up. WE ALL HAVE THESE DAYS. When everything goes wrong, when you just want the day to end and flop into bed. Anybody who says they don’t have these are lying or seriously deluded. On these days just remember you are doing the best you can for your own personal situation.
2. Do not ever compare
It might look like so and so has got it easy, or such and such always has their S*** together, sure it does…from the outside. But a) you never really know what’s going on behind closed doors and b) social media does an excellent job at making out like everything is rosy in other people’s gardens when it is not, and skewing our idea of parenthood. This is about you, and your story. Accept whatever that story is….and don’t look other there….because everyone’s got their own crap going on, whether they admit to it or not.
3. Your children think you’re incredible
You may feel like a vile witch who has absolutely lost it beyond belief today, but hey…it’s ok to lose it sometimes because overall….deep down…your kids remember you for what you are, not what you do….and to them….even if it feels highly doubtful at these moments, you really are incredible (even if this gets massively glossed over with a thick gloss of hatefulness at times!).
4. You are the one keeping it all together
When everyone and everything is pulling in different directions, just know this – you are the glue. You are the one keeping this s***show together. You are the one constantly racing from one thing to another, in a relentless state of fight or flight. And we all know that takes every bit of strength and sanity to do. Don’t you forget that mama.
5. We are a work in progress
Thankfully, the bad times in motherhood aren’t all in vain – we learn from them too. We come up greater, and stronger mums – sure, maybe not the mums we thought we would be – but as the old adage says, whatever doesn’t break you, makes you. So, just don’t go breaking yet ok?
6. Nothing lasts forever
Thankfully, everything in this motherhood malarkey is fluid. Your kids don’t stay in that foul mood forever, the tantrums don’t last forever, the sleepless nights don’t last forever, the illnesses don’t last forever. Always know that this too shall pass.
7. One day you will be thanked for it all
As crazy and far out as this seems and bloody hell, talk about delayed gratification, but one day, all your blood, sweat and tears with be recognised….probably when your own kids embark on their own hair tearing parenthood!
8. Ride the rainbows when you can
Let the good times keep you going. Savour them sweetly, and let the memories of these and the lure of their possibility on the horizon keep you going through the s***storms.
9. You’re not saving lives
OK, you are raising lives, but you are not saving lives. We’re not paramedics, nobody is going to die if we’re late, or if we make a mistake (unless it involves someone being blue-lighted). However bad this might seem right now, let a little perspective shine into the dark times.
10. You are amazing
You brought life into this world. You’ve been to the brink and back. You’ve almost gone crazy at times. And you’ve lived to tell the tale. Therefore, in my book, you’re amazing. Just remember that ok?
Are you having a tough time in motherhood right now? Do the words above help? What else do you tell yourself when motherhood gets tough? Do leave a comment and share.
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