10 things to remember when motherhood gets tough

when motherhood gets tough

Why is motherhood so tough these days? In my view, it’s because we are so bloody tough on ourselves as mums. We are mums who have been brought up to reach for the stars, to have it all, and so we expect too much from ourselves as mothers and as individuals. We were the generation who were brought up in the just muddling along era, and now we are the generation that seems to be trying to do everything era. So hey mama! Stop being so hard on yourself, and when this motherhood thing gets tough, which it so often does, here are some things you need to remember:

1. You’re doing the best you can

I know, believe me, I know that often it feels like you’re pushing water up hill with a fork, like everything you do is being thrown back in your face, that there are days when you feel like the biggest idiot, the biggest mess up. WE ALL HAVE THESE DAYS. When everything goes wrong, when you just want the day to end and flop into bed. Anybody who says they don’t have these are lying or seriously deluded. On these days just remember you are doing the best you can for your own personal situation.

2. Do not ever compare

It might look like so and so has got it easy, or such and such always has their S*** together, sure it does…from the outside. But a) you never really know what’s going on behind closed doors and b) social media does an excellent job at making out like everything is rosy in other people’s gardens when it is not, and skewing our idea of parenthood. This is about you, and your story. Accept whatever that story is….and don’t look other there….because everyone’s got their own crap going on, whether they admit to it or not.

3. Your children think you’re incredible

You may feel like a vile witch who has absolutely lost it beyond belief today, but hey…it’s ok to lose it sometimes because overall….deep down…your kids remember you for what you are, not what you do….and to them….even if it feels highly doubtful at these moments, you really are incredible (even if this gets massively glossed over with a thick gloss of hatefulness at times!).

4. You are the one keeping it all together

When everyone and everything is pulling in different directions, just know this – you are the glue. You are the one keeping this s***show together. You are the one constantly racing from one thing to another, in a relentless state of fight or flight. And we all know that takes every bit of strength and sanity to do. Don’t you forget that mama.

5. We are a work in progress

Thankfully, the bad times in motherhood  aren’t all in vain – we learn from them too. We come up greater, and stronger mums – sure, maybe not the mums we thought we would be – but  as the old adage says, whatever doesn’t break you, makes you. So, just don’t go breaking yet ok?

6. Nothing lasts forever

Thankfully, everything in this motherhood malarkey is fluid. Your kids don’t stay in that foul mood forever, the tantrums don’t last forever, the sleepless nights don’t last forever, the illnesses don’t last forever. Always know that this too shall pass.

7. One day you will be thanked for it all

As crazy and far out as this seems and bloody hell, talk about delayed gratification, but one day, all your blood, sweat and tears with be recognised….probably when your own kids embark on their own hair tearing parenthood!

8. Ride the rainbows when you can

Let the good times keep you going. Savour them sweetly, and let the memories of these and the lure of their possibility on the horizon  keep you going through the s***storms.

9. You’re not saving lives

OK, you are raising lives, but you are not saving lives. We’re not paramedics, nobody is going to die if we’re late, or if we make a mistake (unless it involves someone being blue-lighted). However bad this might seem right now, let a little perspective shine into the dark times.

10. You are amazing

You brought life into this world. You’ve been to the brink and back. You’ve almost gone crazy at times. And you’ve lived to tell the tale. Therefore, in my book, you’re amazing. Just remember that ok?

Are you having a tough time in motherhood right now? Do the words above help? What else do you tell yourself when motherhood gets tough? Do leave a comment and share.

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44 comments

  1. This is a great read and just what I need reminding of. When I get anxious and stressed I tend to get shouty and snappy with the kids. They still love me though and tell me I’m the best mum.

  2. This was a really nice post to read. I am terrible for comparing myself to other mums, my husband is always telling me off for it haha its just so hard when it seems like they do so much and I come home from work and just about muster up the energy to read a bedtime story. I feel so lucky though, my little man is always saying I am his best friend and is so happy to see me when |I get home, makes me think maybe I am doing something right. Thanks for the reminder

  3. This is just the kind go post I needed to read right now. It can be hard to remember these things when you are having a bad day but it’s important to remind yourself that you are doing a good job every now and then!

  4. Great post! Very apt. I think there’s a lot of pressure on mums for this, that and the other these days. My view is to take everything as it comes and do my own personal best that I can. That’s all I can do. As long as my boy is happy then I am happy and vice versa! Never compare to other mums because we are all different in so many ways as individuals even though we are mums too, and so are children. Great post for reflection Talya Thankyou xx

  5. I love this, us parents can be too hard on ourselves and sometimes we need to take a step back, see that we are all doing the best we can and be proud of ourselves for that. Thanks for the post

  6. All mums need reminding of this! Comparing yourself to others can be so dangerous, that’s what I’m working on this year! #coolmumclub

  7. Couldn’t agree with you more on this one! So important for mums to read this as there are too many of them, feeling guilty, self-doubting, always self-questioning… Thank you for reminding us, we’re all doing amazing! x #coolmumclub

  8. I can relate to this post especially when I was a new mum, my son is 15 months now. Such posts will help new mothers feel good about themselves when nothing seems to be working or when motherhood gets a little tough #coolmumclub

  9. I think most of us could do with pinning this to our eyes! I have so many days when I think ‘I just can’t Mum anymore, I’m out’. Then I remember to chill the flip out. It doesn’t matter if IG is telling me my friends house is spotless while mine looks like a train rode through mine. In fact, it’s probably just a corner of her room. We need to stop being hard on ourselves. #coolmumclub

  10. Yes to all of this! It’s so easy to forget but each and every one of these points are something that we should always be remind ourselves all the time. Thanks for hosting #coolmumclub – glad to be linking up again. Kat xx

  11. You are the one keeping this s***show together.

    This is the thing that gets me through the relentlessness, I high five myself every time I think this thought, I am a legend at what I do, yes I am 🙂

    6. Nothing lasts Forever – my line is “Its a Phase, it will end”. It might be a long bloody phase but it will end eventually.

  12. Comparing yourself to other mums you know, or worse ones you don’t but only see on instagram is the worst! I always try to remember there’s not much that can’t be made better with chocolate 🙂 #coolmumclub

  13. I love this, so true! My children think I’m the best Mummy in the world, even on the days when I don’t, and that’s the most important thing to remember. We are doing a great job aren’t we? #coolmumclub

  14. I was talking to a friend struggling with a new born recently and said ‘everything lasts 2 weeks’ I think that’s true. When you’re in the middle of teeth/illness/sleepless night hell it’s hard to think the end is ever insight. #coolmumclub

  15. Some great reminders to stay positive through low points! We’re in the middle of a pretty bad week – my husband has his hand in cast after breaking it a cycling accident which left me having to do the nursery drop-off he normally covers. The result was me being late for work this week. Then I have to do all the lifting, bathing etc at home. Plus last night my daughter went to bed only to vomit all over everything so I had to clean that up. So I’m off work today anyway looking after them both whilst feeling a bit grotty myself.

    Sorry, I know you didn’t ask but it’s good to share and all that! Plus, it was useful to read this today 🙂 #CoolMumClub

  16. I often feel I am the one holding ALL the shit together! Hold on – I AM the one holding all the shit together! 😉

    Great to be back holding the #coolmumclub reigns together hun!

  17. I need to remember these points at least once a day!! Its an amazing thing motherhood but bloody hard at the same time! #coolmumclub

  18. So many wise words here! I absolutely agree that we place far too much pressure on ourselves as a generation of mothers and am so proud to be part of the same revolution as you….shouting about the fact that perfection is an unachievable veil. Love this. #coolmumclub Xxx

  19. After feeling like a pretty shitty mum since having my second baby I soo needed to read this. Striving for perfection in motherhood is a sure fire way to making yourself unhappy, I need to remind myself more often that I’m doing the best I can. Fab post hun xx #coolmumclub

  20. I think we compare ourselves to other moms far too much! I was just thinking that I didn’t cuddle my kids enough today! Work in progress, I need to remind myself of that! x #coolmumclub

  21. I can definitely relate to this post. Everything you’ve said is spot on. I think one of the hardest things is not comparing yourself to others!

    We’re all just trying to do our best aren’t we.

    #CoolMumClub

  22. We have far too much on offer in this day and age. Far too many groups to try, different parenting styles to adopt, and too many articles to read. Put it all together and you have one hell of a hard time we can give ourselves.

    Your post is very apt. Do what you do. Enjoy it. Forget about the rest. Your child loves you for trying.

    #coolmumclub #pbloggers

  23. This is actually incredible! I think the main reason I get so uptight and drained is BECAUSE I know Im the only one keeping the s*** show together! Its exhausting! A little help Mr?!?! Haha! We Mommas are an amazing entity… we just have to remember that when times get trying… fist pump to the max <3 #coolmumclub

  24. I love how you described motherhood ‘Like you’re pushing water up hill with a fork’ lol. That’s genius and exactly what it feels like for example most days. It’s nice to know I’m not alone in feeling like this.

    #coolmumclub

  25. Love this post so much Talya!!! Goodness we all need to be reminded about these things. It’s so easy to doubt ourselves as mamas. Like what you say about the rainbows. It is about treasuring the good bits in case they pass by too quickly 😉 #coolmumclub

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