7 reasons parents don’t share the truth about being parents

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www.motherhoodtherealdeal.com Reasons why people don't tell the truth about becoming a parents

Sharing is caring they say. And recently I have been wondering about precisely why it is that parents DON’T tend to share the truth about…well, the challenges of parenting. About how damn hard it is.  Is it actually because they care they are not sharing?  Or are there other reasons for not sharing the big news that guess what – that romantic notion of parenthood that you were sold before you had your kids is actually….shock…horror….FALSE!

Let us now examine some of the reasons why perhaps people are not sharing this earth-shattering information:

1. The human race would die out

Just imagine, if people were sharing this information to every would-be parent before they made the leap, who exactly do you think would then be jumping at the chance to be parents? Hmmmm….hello the most natural form of contraception, good bye human race.

2. You would lose all your friends

Telling all your would-be parent friends that you would experience sleep-deprivation like no other, lose your mind on a frequent basis, have rough times like you never knew possible and sprout grey hairs like there’s no tomorrow would probably go down like a cup of sick. No, you definitely don’t want to share that, unless you would like to lose any trace of the friends you are still hanging onto.

3. You don’t want to be mean

When push comes to shove, when you have a friend who is on their second week of sleepless nights with a newborn, close to the brink of insanity crying on your shoulder, the last thing they want to hear about is all the hard times to come. They just want a hug and hear it will get better. And so once again, you don’t share.

4. You don’t want to admit it to yourself

Quite frankly, you are still reeling from the fact that nobody shared this with you, and you are not quite ready to utter and accept the words yourself. Best not to share then.

5. The grass is always greener…or is it?

We could poo poo this parenting thing, but actually, how can we when we are not too keen on the alternative? As much as it drives you crazy, a life shared without children somehow seems incomplete.

6. We simply don’t know the answer

The truth is, that parenting is the biggest social experiment out, currently starring…all of us! How can we share that which we don’t know as we all still fumble around in the dark trying to find the way?

7. We want to share the highs

All parents agree: The highs are high (but the lows are low), so perhaps we might not be sharing the truth about everything, just the nice things..

If sharing is caring, and we are not sharing the whole truth, does that mean we don’t care enough? Or is it that we care too much for the greater good?

**Like what you’ve read today? Oh go on, don’t be shy…give it a little Tweet, share, +1 or Pin folks…you’ll know I’ll love you forever for it! 

Oh and if you would like to get some non-judgemental honesty about being a parent, or mum, head on over to the #Mommitment Facebook page and ask to join the #Mommitment group here. 

My Kid Doesn't Poop Rainbows


  1. Great summary Tayla. I try to be honest but when I talk about the crap bits to my child free friends that want kids, I think they think I’m being really patronising or ungrateful. #fartglitter

  2. Sometimes I think I might be a bit of an over-sharer and I recently had a friend ask if I was ‘coping’…oops…Aren’t I lucky I have a lovely friend who cares, but the truth is, we’re OK…it made me realise I’m a bit of a moaner… oops!!! Aaaaa…sometimes the truth just bites. #fartglitter

  3. Very true. I think also if I well on the not great bits I might just lace up my trainers and do a runner 🙂
    There are times where I enjoy a good moan, stress or ask for help.

    Thanks for linking up to #fartglitter x

  4. When you haven’t got kids and people tell you how hard it is you simply don’t believe them because you don’t want to lol its the same as when people say life is harder with 2. I knew it was true but somehow thought I’d be the exception ha ha ha ha ha ha ha I have 3 now and tell every perspective parent that it’s a beautiful experience *evil laugh* they wouldnt except anything else anyway xx

  5. Ha ha, I try and tell the truth in a encouraging way to my friends, like it may feel like rubbish now, but trust me, it does get better, and then it gets worse, and then it gets better! This parenting stuff is a joruney! #coolmumclub

  6. So very true – it is hard to share to be completely honest about just how challenging it is without sounding mean and I definitely agree with Claire’s comment above. Parenthood is incredibly hard but the lovely moments make up for so much and I wouldn’t change it for the world! 🙂 #coolmumclub

  7. The hubby and I often contemplate this one. I mean who would honestly sign up to the sleepless nights and relentless wiping of body parts and furnishings if they knew the whole deal beforehand? Oh but then we have two children, so erm us. Yep we did do it again. There must be something in that…. ;0) x #coolmumclub

  8. It’s funny because I think we all have to ‘know our audience’. I have some friends who all we do is despair together about how tough everything is, and other friends who I just never would…#coolmumclub

  9. Your writing is just so funny Tayla. Love it! I actually found that before I had kids all I heard about from friends and family with little people was how hard it was. Maybe I’m a good person to moan to. Plus I could see the truth of it in their eyes. But when I saw them with their kids I knew it was worth it. And it is. 🙂 #coolmumclub

  10. Sometimes I do get the urge to stop unsuspecting pregnant women and tell them the truth! Being prepared is surely better???!! No matter how hard though, the good times are so so good. So maybe I just need to let them work tha out for themselves! #coolmumclub

  11. I actually do share but I don’t think my childless friends believe me ha ha! I know they are secretly thinking “it can’t be THAT bad” while I think theyus be in denial 😉

    Thanks for sharing and thanks for hosting #coolmumclub

  12. Lol just brilliant as always. I have written before that if someone had really told me what having kids was going to be like I might have thought twice about it, but I’d still do it anyway.

  13. That’s a great list and every one has merit! I haven’t always been so honest in my account of parenting for fear of being judged! Judged for moaning about my children and whining about the hard times. I have since decided to shove that up the proverbial and just be as honest as I can about the highs and lows – make no mistake parenting is jam packed with both. I know I take comfort hearing others honest tales. But ultimately you are right that no matter how hard our day may have been we would never want to be in a world where our children aren’t and yes sometimes I don’t want to share my horror stories with my pregnant friends – it’s such an exciting time for them they don’t need my sleep deprived moaning dampening their day! # coolmumclub

  14. Your first point is so true. We can’t ever tell because we need the next generation to look after us when we’re old! So funny as always. I just don’t know how you manage it week after week!

  15. I definitely had my ideas of parenthood but when I got post-pardum depression after my first child was born, it changed my whole perspective. Having my son changed my perspective. Then he was diagnosed with Autism. I was only 24 years old and completely healthy and no one told me that there would be a chance of having a child with a disability. This is something that always somehow gets skipped when talking to perspective parents but I think it’s for good reason: your first statement about the human race dying out. I also think it’s good to skip that conversation because had I known, I might not have had kids and both of my boys are my world. My oldest is one of the kindest and one of the smartest people I know. He’s also one of the funniest. He changed the way I look at the world in a big way and I wouldn’t ever want to go back to the way I was before. I’m super proud of him. It was a long road and a lot of struggles but he’s going into high school next year and is doing great so I’m glad no one told me about the possibility of my kids having any sort of disability. Great post! Visiting from #coolmumclub

  16. I love the image! This reminds me of me and my husband just before visiting pregnant or just-had-baby friends. He says SHHHHHH!!! don’t tell them anything! Where as I am happy to spill all the beans hehehe. Like others have said, I doubt anyone really believes you until they too are swimming in….it. #coolmumclub

  17. This is so true! I also would never share all the details of my (not very nice) birth story with someone expecting their first baby! I agree that the highs definitely outweigh the lows though – love being a mummy 🙂 #coolmumclub

  18. When I was pregnant I found that the advice I got was always about positives, how amazing it is and how rewarding it would be (which it is) but no one told me I would want to tear my hair out about 10 times a day. I did get a lot of horror stories about labour though! Never any good ones. So I made sure that when my friends who were expecting asked me about being a parent that I told them exactly how I felt about it, STRESSED but happy because I have a child. It’s so true though that everyone shares the highs because the highs are fantastic so who wouldn’t want to share them? Great post! #coolmumclub


  19. I remember getting such a lot of ‘advice’ when I was pregnant. All the parents I knew couldn’t wait to tell me what a wonderful thing being a parent was, and they kept to themselves the tough times.

    I’m not sure why we do it, I’ve often mentioned how hard it is to friends but I don’t think I could bring myself to warn a pregnant woman about the tough times ahead. We all deal with these things in our own way, and really, why would you want to dampen her spirits?

    Great post hun. xx

  20. haha you speak the truth! – humans would die out if they saw me at 3am covered in puke with a screaming baby when they are sick! shared and joined the group too ! also thanks for hosting another fab #coolmumclub – sorry i’m late today :p

  21. Hahaha! so true! nobody told me about sleepless night before, even my mum didn’t even cared tell me about how hard it is to become a parent. Well, she gradually have shared her story when I started moaning at her about my hardships, if only I knew… However, I still won’t go back to the times having no kids, my life is complete now having kids. #coolmumclub

  22. It’s hard… especially when you try and balance having children with working and looking after your home (and yourself…if that still happens). But it’s almost like it’s become such a crime to make a tiny peep about it being tiring or difficult or hard. So maybe that’s why everyone is keeping quiet?! Great post #coolmumclub

    Nadia – ScandiMummy x

  23. Very true list, little white lies keep us around for the long time, just imagine if we could tell the truth every single time. I found this post on #coolmumclub

  24. It isn’t easy, but I went into it with my eyes open. A lot of my friends already had kids by the time I had Piglet. Also I have become a happier and all round nicer person since becoming a parent, despite all the moaning I do on my blog!

  25. Brilliant as always. I think we are all in agreement that being a parent is absolutely fantastic but there are always those days you just want to climb in bed and not peep out again, but you wouldn’t trade it for anything. #coolmumclub

  26. In the early days of parenting I often wondered just this- how on earth have we continued to do this? How has the human race survived? I agree that the lack of sharing of the reality plays a large part! I’m totally on board with this post 🙂

  27. Thanks so much for all your comments I am so pleased to know I am not alone with these thoughts and that my prognosis seems to be correct haha! Thanks so much for reading all love ya! xx

  28. Another great post! I actually felt soooo cheated when we first became parents – why the hell didn’t anybody tell us about how hard it would be????! I now make it my mission to warn every expectant parent that the first couple of months (half a year) are tough! I’ve not lost any friends over it yet, but maybe they do think I’m mean! #coolmumclub

  29. Good for you for broaching this subject!! Its an interesting one, which me and my husband ponder all the time! I think 4 definitely resonated with me…! I got really annoyed with my mum when she kept telling me to put off having children, and kept wishing she’d keep her nose out of the exciting decision I’d made. But within 24 hours of having my first baby, I wished I’d listened to her!!!! I’ll be totally honest, I spent at least the first 6 months wishing I had waited a little bit longer, and wishing our friends had told us what it was really like. But even if they had, we wouldn’t have not had children just because they said not to anyway, would we?!! Great post!!!!!!

  30. Haha, this is a good list. I always wanted to know the whole truth, but some people – as I’ve learnt – are more…sensitive, I suppose?! Best to share the details for really close friends I reckon!

  31. I try and give a censored version to friends with children younger than my daughter. When I became a new mum a couldn’t stand all the doom and gloom from the “Just you wait” Brigade!

  32. I loved reading this. So much of what you say rings true. I think as others have said – knowing our audience – is crucial. To admit that we’ve got something right seems pompous and to admit that we feel like we can’t do it looks like failure – this forum has opened my eyes that mums can be honest with each other and that being a mum really is like being in the best club there is!

  33. Yep, I’m still reeling from the truth. Before kids you do have this rose tinted view of what it’s like. You know there will be rough times but you are totally unprepared for rolling from one rough day to the next. Pre-parenthood I thought that bad days would be few and far between. Wrong! But you are right, I can’t imagine being without my babies now #coolmumclub

  34. Such a great post. I definitely feel I was mis-sold on parenthood and I actually partially attribute my extremely unrealistic expectations to me suffering PND. I’ve blogged about this quite a bit.

    Nowadays I have learnt to just appreciate the hell out of the amazing moments – because they ARE amazing, albeit sometimes too rare – and then next time my son is having a meltdown I hold onto that happy memory lol!

    Sharing with non-parents is definitely tricky. But I love blogs like yours which advocate sharing and being honest about parenthood amongst us parents – it’s essential to survival! x #coolmumclub

  35. Oh so true! These are all reasons that we dont share, or rather tend to omit the whole and absolute truth about parenting. Except perhaps when it comes to our blogs, and we all just let it go..sometimes a little too much ;-). #Coolmumclub

  36. cute! Social experiment staring us, for sure! 😉 Maybe we all just follow the rule, “if you don’t have anything nice to say….” Also, at the end of the day I’d rather do or say ANYTHING than repeat to anyone (even myself) the horrid aspects of my day or week. Lock the nightmares away! 😉 #coolmumclub

  37. Mmmmm, interesting perspective. I’m always a little bit lost with such posts. I’m the oldest of three brothers by ten years. Yeah, okay, being a parent is tougher than I imagined but as I was so heavily involved with kids from a young age little of it came as a surprise! Thanks for hosting #coolmumclub

  38. I think it can be good to share but you don’t want to frighten people off having kids too much, as (for me anyway) the benefits definitely outweigh the tough times. But having a bit more realism would be good! Thanks for hosting #coolmumclub x

  39. Being a parent is hard, and it’s not always rewarding. In fact it is rarely rewarding. Very rarely. Your kids aren’t like you. They don’t share your interests. They don’t listen to your advice. You are responsible for their behavior and will be blamed for their lapses, no matter how hard you try to teach them.
    In most posts, this is where you hear the twist. This is where the poster lets slip the little gem that tells you it’s all worthwhile. Well, it isn’t really. After 2 decades, perhpas they will grow up and go on and be productive members of society. Then you can get back to your real life and interests. Or maybe they will be serial killers. Who knows.
    Just think of this: If you are ready to submit to ignoring your own happiness for about 20 years to deal with another human being who might be completely different than you, then you are ready to be a parent. If this doesn’t seem like something you want to do, get a dog.

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