Mum on the blink: Patience is not a virtue I possess

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There is one area in which I feel highly inadequate as a mum – patience. I am seriously, SERIOUSLY, lacking in this quality. Fair enough, none of us are born with patience – all we need to do is to look at our little impatient cherubs to reaffirm that fact – but I don’t think I have cultivated much of the virtue over the years either.

Parenting requires a huge amount of patience, and while it’s true that every parent loses his or her patience – my lack of patience seems to be an inner struggle not on a daily, but an hourly – or sometimes minutely – basis.

I look at other mums at playgroups in awe and envy as they emanate perfect zen-like patience vibes as their little one has yet another meltdown over seemingly nothing. I look at my partner who has the most amazing level of patience and tolerance for everyone and everything, having had no choice but to wait for everything in his early years and then later, having been nagged to within an each of his life by a Tiger mum; and I feel like every parent’s best friend in their parenting toolkit – patience – completely forgot to pay me a visit.

Inside, I am boiling over at the Nth ‘MUMMMMMMMMMY!!’, the Nth whinge of the hour,  the Nth time that doing ‘something nice’ together has been met with constant whining. All par for the course with toddlers, but I just don’t seem to have the programming in me to deal these aspects well or efficiently.

And the most ridiculous thing about it all? Apparently when my toddler is having an impatient hissy fit, she looks and acts just like me. Oh dear. Now if that ain’t karma, I don’t know what is.

But why am I so impatient? It’s not like I’m in a particular hurry…or at least any more than other mums. Seeing as we’re not born with patience, I’m not sure I can put it all down to genetics. However, a fiery Mediterranean temperament probably isn’t the best start. Mix that in with an upbringing with parents who definitely didn’t get etched in my memory as patient, and there’s the beginnings of a perfect short circuit recipe.

However I am hopeful that patience can and will be learned. Especially  hopeful because we all know we have to be the person we want our child to be. I speak to other mums who say that their patience has got less and less with each child. Well, I’m hoping that seeing as I started out rock bottom, that the only way on the patience scale is up. If my patience is destined to get worse with another child, then that’s one sure fire way of inching my partner and I further towards the one child is enough theory, or at least, as he would see it.

Patience levels are currently at an all time low after having been hauled down below zero and smeared across the floor after a very long week of illness – and quite frankly, a no longer sick child still acting like a sick child is patience testing worthy for even those more saintly than I.

I very much hope that I am visited by the patience gods soon, or that my I am eventually subjected to such a great amount of patience testing behaviour that soon the seeds of my own patience will take root, grow and flourish throughout the household.

In the meantime, if anyone has some patience I could borrow and perhaps pass down to my little one, that would be very much gratefully received!

If there are other impatient mummies out there, please holler!

And then the fun began...
Domestic Momster

\Life with Baby Kicks

53 comments

  1. I think my years working in care helped me develop my patience. It doesn’t come naturally, and I still lose it from time to time. I have two kids though, and I get fed up with the sound of bickering – even if it is from me!

  2. I am on my second round of kiddos and I find that I am much more patient with the younger one than I was with the two older ones (they are 16&15 now.)
    It used to be really hard for me to just relax but now that I am older I realize that the time just goes by so quickly and I want to appreciate them becoming who they will be.
    I don’t know that you can really find patience but you can become a totally different person over time. Just know that little kids are hard but it really does go by quickly! You’ll have free time (believe it or not there will be a time you are bored and lonely lol) and it will happen soon enough. Like me you might wish you could go back to just watch them do their thing and enjoy all of the chaos 🙂

  3. My patience levels are low…… I’m quickly overloaded by things in my environment so the constant sound of “Mama” yelled at me 100 times a minute tips me over. I’m highly sensitive and now I know that I’m learning tricks and tools to increase my patience and tolerance levels!

  4. Its not something that comes naturally to me either! I am currently learning the art of ‘patience’ with my 11 month old .. its hard work!

    • Caro I totally agree – since writing this piece my patience seems to have become a bit better – perhaps it’s hormones, perhaps it’s something else but it definitely is not a constant! Thanks for stopping by from #BrilliantBlogPosts 🙂

  5. Oh, I feel for you! I have about zero patience for anything, ever. I also struggle with this greatly as a mother and then you get to add the fun mom-guilt about the lack of patience! I’m sure over time, we will all figure it out!

    #thetruthabout

  6. A great post and I feel for you! My boyfriend also has zero patience. He doesn’t have kids so you can imagine how much fun its been trying to come together as a family with a child in tow. It wasn’t easy at first as my son was 5 when we met but now he’s 9 and my boyfriend copes a lot better because my son doesn’t whinge (much) anymore. We have also got to this point however, because I made him go for hypnotherapy to try and re-program his brain. It has had great results. I noticed he was a lot calmer for a while. You’re supposed to keep it up and do it at home but he’s been busy and it’s gone by the wayside a bit and I can tell already. I’ve told him to start doing his hypno again or else! xx

    • Hmm that’s really interesting…hypnotherapy…maybe I’ll look into that! Hope he picks it back up again 🙂 Some of us are definitely challenged on the patience side of things and need a little extra help! x

  7. You’ve found your online twin….me! I’m so ashamed about my lack of patience. I too would stare at mum’s in play groups and think: how are YOU not losing your shit with your toddler right now? I even worry that i may have damaged my child psychologically because i used to shout so much when he was little. I’ve had another one now and hoped that my patience would be better. And in some areas it is…you do learn techniques through trial and error….mainly on how to avoid the tantrums in the first place. But the best thing for me though (sorry to flog the blog….but this is what the post i linked up in #TheTrutchAbout covers) was increasing my anti-depressants. THAT’S what’s made me more zen. I’ll never be totally zen….that’s not me. But i now don’t go ape just because someone hasn’t put their shoes on in 5 seconds flat!

    • Hello twin! Haha it’s good to hear from you and that you found the same! Yup I have really been struggling to reign it in – but feel like even since writing that post things ARE getting a little better, maybe because I am SO aware of my lack of it since writing!! At the end of the day, it’s whatever works for us….and keeps us sane! I’ll check out your post – sounds like an interesting read. Until then impatient one! x

  8. Oh god I’m blooming horrendous too! I’m really having to try so can totally relate to this. My girl has started talking loads and its lovely but she talks loads!! I’m sure the whining will start too! I’ll be coming back to the post for sure!! Thing is my mum is awful too so what chance did I have?? Xx#thetruthabout

  9. Oh gawd, I sometimes worry that I shout and lose it and behave like I’m having a tantrum too on occasion when I just feel like I’ve come to the end of my tether (never in public though – ha ha!). I think you do see your own behaviour being reflected back to you and so any good, vituous stuff you can put across like patience or kindness or thoughtfulness will hopefully rub off on them – if we can get our s**t together to be that better person!! Heaven help us all with that 🙂 Thanks for linking up to #thetruthabout today hon X

  10. Sometimes the only difference between a patient parent and an impatient one is whether you catch them at a good moment or a bad one. The thing that always makes me think twice is knowing that our children mimic us and reflect our own impatience back at us. It’s quite disconcerting when I see one of my kids doing a Mini-Me and telling one of the others off with exactly the same words and tone that I use …

  11. I feel like I’m gaining more patience as I go along, but the truth might be that the kids are just completely breaking my spirit

    • Haha my head was literally exploding as I read your post! I think that is why I am waiting for number 2…for maybe forever at this point!!! Gotta love them but wow do they know how to push your buttons – BOOM!

  12. I always thought I was a patient person, but motherhood tests your patience to a whole new level. I find my patience wears thin very quickly when I get caught up worrying about routines and what I think I should be doing rather than just going with the flow and what baby needs. #bestandworst

  13. I am the most impatient person EVER! Honestly I just don’t do being patient. You need patience to be patient I’m sure! I’m constantly having to try and be aware that I have a short fuse and really do try and be more patient but sometimes it just doesn’t happen. Thanks for linking up with #bestandworst and hope to see you again next week!

    Helen X

  14. Knowing yourself really helps I think. If you know you have zero patience you can look out for the warning signs and get yourself out of there at the first signs of trouble, before the top actually blows off…. I used to walk away and lock myself in the bathroom when the kids were really driving me nuts!

  15. Hi Talya, Patience can be learnt in my opinion but it takes time. Don’t be fooled though, even the most patient parent looses sometimes. the person who can sell it in bottles will have custom from every parent in the world.

    On a more serious note If a child always had a patient family they wouldn’t know how to cope. Anger is a part of life. Knowing ourselves is so important then we can choose strategies that work for us. Walking away is one as I see mentioned above. Considering the words you use is another. . If you want more strategies I can recommend ‘How to talk so kids will listen and listen so kids will talk’. It is designed for older kids but some of the strategies in there are good for younger children too. It helped me feel that I had more ways to deal with things. Most of all though remember you are more than okay.

    • Thanks Kirsten you are always full of such pearls of wisdom. That is a very good point about growing up in a patient family. I agree I have found over the last few months patience CAN be learnt but it is hard. I’ll look up that book…

  16. I have zero patience …actually I think I might be in the negative…seriously. I wake up every morning thinking oh today I will not lose my patience …then my kids wake up. I have nothing to blame it on other then having 3 kids in 3 years just ruined my natural everything. Thanks for linking up with me at #momsterslink 😉

  17. It is so easy to compare our patience and what ever else with every other parent, but they are not us, they don’t live in our world, so don’t stress it, even those Zen mums loose it sometimes #momsters linky

  18. I am SUPER impatient! Although I’ve no doubt sometimes, when my little girl is behaving, I seem like a total zen mother to the untrained eye… inside my head is in chaos wondering what will make her kick off again!
    Love this post! #effitfriday

  19. Oh bless you. I think since becoming a mother I am much more patient and I try to always be with the children but I am much less tolerant of stupidity in adults – I can’t bear it! Stupidity, ignorance and selfishness #effitfriday

  20. This sounds just like me . I always say that patience is a virtue that takes a lot of patience to achieve! And I just don’t have the patience And of course my child takes after me which leads to an explosive mix! Having two impatient people under the same roof? Not fun!

  21. Don’t be fooled; many of the apparently patient parents you see are hiding the truth: that they could kill the little bleeder! It’s all about faking it; I find that I’m significantly more “patient” in public because others can see. I lose my sh*t far more often when I’m home alone!

    I also love the reply about the importance of children growing up in a family which sometimes loses its patience. How else would they learn that you can push buttons up to a point before there are consequences? And letting out a little anger is healthy – better than storing it all up!

    Great post 🙂

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