It’s been a rough few months. I’ve not been feeling well, my energy levels have been really low and so has my patience… and I have been shouting. A lot. I’ve been shouting in the mornings because of the pressure of the early start of the school day. I’ve been shouting because of the dragged out bedtimes when all I need is a bit of peace and quiet. But recently my daughter said something to me which made me realise – I have to start parenting without yelling.
She told me that every time I shouted at her, she was frightened
Now, to some people, I may not even been that much of a shouty mum, but when I heard those words, it was like a stab in the heart, and I knew then, I had to change my ways and start parenting without yelling. Because even losing my cool once or twice a week because nobody seemed to be listening to me was having an impact.
I grew up in an extremely shouty house
…where yelling and spanking were part of every day life. It scarred me. I am anxious and can be quite fearful as a result. And although I have never raised a hand to my daughter, and probably only blow up once or twice a week, for me…that’s now too much. I have to find a way of eradicating that entirely, and to start parenting without yelling, even in the most annoying, stressful, rushed and exasperating times.
The long term effects of shouting at children are well documented
…most scary is that it can change the way their brains develop…and looking back, I’m pretty sure that my brain became wired differently from all the shouting and aggression I was exposed to as a child.
I don’t want my child to be or feel frightened of me
….ever. The thought of it makes my whole world fold in on itself. I want her always to feel safe, and accepted, loved no matter what. I don’t want her to think I don’t like her and love her because I shouted at her because I had to ask her to get dressed for the umpteenth time for school…something which she has been expressing recently and which leaves my brain reeling with shock….the fact that your own child, the one who you sacrificed so much for could even think such a thing just because you lose my rag occasionally almost killed me.
Parenting without yelling – starts from today
Today is my pledge to start parenting without yelling. No matter how wound up, pained or exhausted I feel, there has to be a better way, there IS a better way….if I have to remove myself from the room and go and take some deep breaths to avoid shouting…if I have to be super mindful and watch every move my mind makes in case it falls into the all so easy and weak response of shouting then so be it.
It’s never too late to make a change in the way you parent
…and although sometimes we tend to laugh it off later that we might be a “shouty mum”, or a “stressy mum” – the bottom line is that shouting is no joke and isn’t something to be laughed off. And if….IF….I do slip up ever, I will be sure to let my daughter know that I shouted because of my shortcomings, NOT hers and that no matter what….she is loved beyond words.
Do you ever shout at your children? Did you know about the negative impact shouting at them has? Or perhaps you’d also like to commit to parenting without yelling with me? Do share in a comment below.
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