10 ways toddlers are like drunk people

toddlers are like drunk people

Now that I’m out of the toddler years, I can look back at them and safely say..my god…what the f*** was THAT all about???! And it occurred to me that with the benefit of preschooler infused hindsight that..well, toddlers are basically a LOT like drunk people. Need some convincing? Let me break it down for you here as to exactly why that is:

They have violent tendencies

Only drunk people and toddlers head butt, bite and punch innocent people…that, or crazy people.

They don’t know when it’s time to go home

One can’t leave the park. The other can’t leave the party. Just get your coat already and get it together guys!

They are constantly on the brink of injury

Smashed up faces, epic cuts and near on concussion – all par for the course for both drunk people and toddlers alike.

They are just totally incomprehensible

WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT??! Both toddlers and drunks can frequently be found uttering totally incomprehensible bum fluff at any given time of the day. They are the only ones who can ever know what their crazy drivel means and communicating back with them makes you sound as crazy as a box of frogs.

They are a liability in public

Supermarkets and drunk people don’t mix. Toddlers and drunk people don’t mix. Nuff said.

They turn crazy angry in an instant

One minute they are you friend then quicker that you can say tot they are unleashing a furious tantrum that could freeze hell over. Time to run for the hills!!!!!

They barf then pretend nothing happened

There are only two kinds of people who can projectile vomit all over the kitchen then pretend nothing happened – yup, you guessed it! toddlers and drunk people.

They think everywhere is a public toilet

Most adults can hold it – drunk people and toddlers pee on trees, on cars, hell they will pee on just about anything they can get within peeing distance of.

They can’t be left alone…ever

Leave a drunk person or toddler alone in a room by themselves and there’s no telling what you might come back to find!! Hopefully it won’t involve a turd of some kind.

They look like they were dragged through a bush backwards

Worzel gummage hair, drool plastered chins, food crusted clothes, and dirt besmearched faces. Toddlers and drunks looks freakishly similar at best!

See I told you! Toddlers and drunk people….too similar it’s scary. And if you still need further convincing just take a look at this drunk person….suspiciously similar to a toddler at the dinner table:

Do you have a toddler that behaves like a drunk person at home? What else would you add to this list? Do share in a comment below.

Parenting truths: 10 ways toddlers are like drunk people

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Picture credit: photo credit: donnierayjones Twins Fighting Over Books via photopin (license)


  1. It’s hard to remember those drunk little strange people isn’t it, once you’re well past that stage but it was a bizarre stage. They’re wobbly and aggressive and abusive! You nailed it, basically they behave as though they’re plastered all the time then pass out! #coolmumclub

  2. Oh god, were just entering the toddler phase now and I completely agree with everything you’ve written. The tantrums!!?? Mines only 14 months and also looks like a little tiny drunk person tottering round.


  3. Ha! This is true! We’ve just entered the toddler phase, i’m not looking for most of these arising! Maybe if I get drunk it’ll go really well…

  4. ha ha I love this! Not forgetting their inability to walk more than a couple of yards before staggering sideways and falling over! Great post!

  5. Lol! Was only having a conversation about this with my friend yesterday. They really do act like they are intoxicated don’t they?! #coolmumclub

  6. While I can relate to much of this. I have a baby/toddler who may grow up to be a hair dresser that or a mud wrestler! As for eldest she refuses to go anywhere but a toilet/potty. #coolmumclub

  7. Quite true! This makes me so very glad these years are a long way behind us! Although I now have a teenager so it won’t be long before he’s an actual drunk person! #coolmumclub

  8. ahahaha I love this!!!! Ben is totally like this! His new current favourite is screaming whilst running… at 6:45am trying to get out the house for work, this is not what i need! Plus he’s literally just got walking down so running is totally hazardous! #coolmumclub

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