Now that I’m out of the toddler years, I can look back at them and safely say..my god…what the f*** was THAT all about???! And it occurred to me that with the benefit of preschooler infused hindsight that..well, toddlers are basically a LOT like drunk people. Need some convincing? Let me break it down for you here as to exactly why that is:
They have violent tendencies
Only drunk people and toddlers head butt, bite and punch innocent people…that, or crazy people.
They don’t know when it’s time to go home
One can’t leave the park. The other can’t leave the party. Just get your coat already and get it together guys!
They are constantly on the brink of injury
Smashed up faces, epic cuts and near on concussion – all par for the course for both drunk people and toddlers alike.
They are just totally incomprehensible
WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT??! Both toddlers and drunks can frequently be found uttering totally incomprehensible bum fluff at any given time of the day. They are the only ones who can ever know what their crazy drivel means and communicating back with them makes you sound as crazy as a box of frogs.
They are a liability in public
Supermarkets and drunk people don’t mix. Toddlers and drunk people don’t mix. Nuff said.
They turn crazy angry in an instant
One minute they are you friend then quicker that you can say tot they are unleashing a furious tantrum that could freeze hell over. Time to run for the hills!!!!!
They barf then pretend nothing happened
There are only two kinds of people who can projectile vomit all over the kitchen then pretend nothing happened – yup, you guessed it! toddlers and drunk people.
They think everywhere is a public toilet
Most adults can hold it – drunk people and toddlers pee on trees, on cars, hell they will pee on just about anything they can get within peeing distance of.
They can’t be left alone…ever
Leave a drunk person or toddler alone in a room by themselves and there’s no telling what you might come back to find!! Hopefully it won’t involve a turd of some kind.
They look like they were dragged through a bush backwards
Worzel gummage hair, drool plastered chins, food crusted clothes, and dirt besmearched faces. Toddlers and drunks looks freakishly similar at best!
See I told you! Toddlers and drunk people….too similar it’s scary. And if you still need further convincing just take a look at this drunk person….suspiciously similar to a toddler at the dinner table:
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