Ahhhh the school run, the epic zoo-like madness when herds of parents from all walks of life come together to chivvy their little darlings as quickly as they can to the school gates in Challenge Anneke-like style. Some school run parents look like they have totally got it together on the school run, while others look like they are totally falling apart.
I can be either or depending on which day it is!
But apparently things are not as clear cut as that. I recently got a little email saying that Channel Mum reckons there are 11 types of modern school run parents…including the clipboard mum, the WhatsApp mum, and even….um…yes the handbag dog mum (hilarious!).
I reckon that most days I’m a good enough/WhatsApp mum. On a weirdly good day I MAY even pass off as an Instagram mum…ummmm…on second thoughts, who am I kidding?!!!!!. One thing I know is that I am definitely NOT that craft mum lol (you should see some of my dire creations!). Which one/s do you identify most with?
The Clipboard Mum
Swapped a high-flying career to be the PTA CEO. Stands by the gates to charm / browbeat other parents into signing up to the PTA board, to run stalls at the school fete, to organise the cakes sales, sew school play costumes and hand over cash for charity runs. Revered and feared. Other mums run when she starts striding over. Most likely to say: “Didn’t you get my email on that?’
The WhatsApp Mum
Always late, always disorganised, depends on the class WhatsApp group for absolutely everything. Usually found WhatsApping at 9pm on a Sunday night to get homework which has to be handed in on Monday morning. Most likely to say: “Sorry I didn’t get that message, can you resend it?”
The Instagram Mum
Arrives polished and preened with three picture-perfect kids. Bouncy hair, dazzling megawatt smile, endless supply of enviable, fashionable new clothes. Snaps a ‘what I wore on the school run selfie’ each day. Most likely to say: “Oh what, this old top / dress / bag? It’s just a little vintage find.”
The Handbag Dog Mum
Carries a small teacup dog in a large and blinging designer bag. Dog gets more love, fuss and after-school treats than the kids. Most likely to say: “My dog is my baby, she’s just soooo cute.”
The Activewear Mum
Always clad in tight Lycra and the latest mesh-panel leggings. Runs to school, jogs on the spot at drop off, and can wait to ‘drop and dump’ so she can get on with her exercise regime. Often runs in packs with other activewear mums. Most likely to say: “Sorry can’t stop, I’m in training today and have got to beat my personal best.”
The Craft Mum
Always brings in recycling and expertly done homework craft creations. Feared at bake sales for producing handmade, perfectly iced and decorated cupcakes. Wrinkles her nose at your Tesco packed sponge cakes. Usually skips around in Boden tea dresses or is arty and alternative. Most likely to say: “It’s so easy, only takes a jiffy and well, making it yourself just shows that extra bit of love, don’t you think?”
The Vegan Eco Mum
Lovely and well-meaning but playdates and parties are a minefield – no plastic, no eggs, no sugar, no dairy, clean-eating, no artificial anything. You spend the entire time trying to keep her curious kids away from the ice cream and cake. Most likely to say: “Oh gosh no, my kids would never want to eat anything like that’ – while her kids are stuffing mouthfuls of it behind her back.
The Work at Home Trendy Dad
Often seen in cycling gear or dressed like an aging hipster in T-shirt and shorts. Talks loudly about his freelance work and invites himself to the mums’ coffee shop meet-ups. Most likely to say: “So, did I tell you about my latest project?”
The Drive-by Mums
Harassed and stressed, they park on the double yellow lines outside the school gates and throw the kids out of the car before roaring off. Kids always still munching on a slice of toast as they haven’t had a proper breakfast. Can either be in PJs or in work suits. Most likely to say: “Quick, hurry up, get out before the traffic warden comes!”
The Scooter Grans and Granddads
Heroic golden oldies who’ve swapped retirement for hardcore childcare duties so mum and dad can work. Always seen slowly making their way home laden with children’s scooters.Most likely to say: “Don’t tell mummy’ while dishing out big bags of Haribo at pick-up time.
The Good Enough Mums
Always makes drop-off by the skin of her teeth, usually feed the ‘beige rainbow’ at playdates, often in jogging bottoms with hair in a messy topknot but loves her kids before anything else. Most likely to say: “Is it too early for wine o’clock
I have to say – I’ve not seen a handbag dog mum on the school run before which is kinda disappointing! Which of these do you recognise in yourself and in others? Do leave a comment and and don’t forget to give it a share on social if it tickled you!