Motherhood is a magical experience, but it’s also a time in your life that’s emotionally charged and physically exhausting. It is a seismic shift adjusting to life with a new baby at the centre of your world, as you put your new tiny human before everything else in life.
We do this all seemingly overnight whilst recovering from birth, navigating new dynamics and feelings in relationships, dealing with sleep deprivation, experiencing an identity and confidence crisis and being plagued by feelings of mum guilt and inferiority. It’s a lot to take in in a very short period of time!
Self-kindness, self-care and self-compassion – otherwise known as the three “selfs” – are absolutely crucial during this period. That’s why we are sharing these 20 + essential tips for new mums to help you through the 4th trimester taken from 365 Days of Self-Care for New Mums, a practical book that aims to help new mothers take care of themselves in baby’s first year by author and journalist Zeena Moolla who has writes for Marie Claire, Grazia, The Telegraph, The Mirror and Red magazine.
Packed with tips and quotes, this book offers quick, simple ways to help you look after yourself. Because you deserve as much love and attention as you give.
20 + essential tips for new mums
ROLL WITH IT
To say life with a newborn is unpredictable is like describing a hurricane as a bit breezy. The sooner you can surrender to the situation, the easier it’ll be. It’s not an easy mindset to adopt when you’re pacing the floor at 3 a.m., wondering how such a tiny sweet thing can be so unreasonable, but for these first few weeks, just try to concentrate on the here and now.
VETO THE VISITORS
If you’re struggling to follow your own train of thought, let alone a conversation about the traffic, veto the visitors because being “on form” is not a priority right now.
FED IS BEST
For many new mums, it can often feel like everyone’s main concern is with how baby is fed, with the mother’s perspective and needs vastly, and dangerously, overlooked. If you’re feeling pressured or “spoken over” with regards to how you feed your baby, be it bottle or breast, some boundaries need to be set. Practise, if need be, holding your nerve by smiling and saying out loud: “I’ll work out what’s best for my baby.” You can be as breezy or as firm as you like, but in order to be the best possible mother you can be to your baby, you must make your voice heard. You’re the one in the driving seat; everyone, including yourself, needs to be clear on this.
POSTNATAL BODY
You’ve just grown a human and unsurprisingly, your body is making known the enormity of this in various ways, including uterus cramping, bleeding and discharge. This is all perfectly normal and a sign your body is doing what it needs to do. Stock up on thick maternity pads, and ask your midwife (or doctor) about pain relief for any cramp pain.
C-SECTION CARE
If you gave birth via Caesarean section (C-section), make sure you gently clean and pat dry your incision with soap and water once a day. Talk to your doctor or midwife about whether it’s better to cover the wound or leave it open to air out. Most importantly, avoid carrying most things (besides your baby). And, should this not be apparent, hold off on exercising until your midwife or doctor confirms it’s OK to do so.
NO COOKING!
Even if your idea of cooking is typically slinging some bread in a toaster and resentfully opening a tin of beans, now is not the time to be preparing meals. Let your partner, friend, family member, anyone but you, assume that role. Encourage visitors to bring nourishing freezer food (curries, casseroles, soups, etc). Pull out all the takeaway menus rammed in the kitchen drawer. Cooking for these first few weeks should not be a new-mum obligation.
NO CLEANING!
Stop! Step away from that J-cloth. Cleaning is not your responsibility, either. Make peace with your current situation, even if your house closely resembles a landfill, accepting that a tidy home is a thing of the future; or else, make housework the onus of partners, friends, relatives, visitors – just not you.
CRY BABY
“All babies cry.” If ever there was a well-worn phrase designed to make a new mum lob tubs of nappy cream at a wall in exasperation, then this might be it. It’s never less helpful to hear than when you’re in the throes of a particularly shrill and implacable meltdown. Persistent crying – irrespective of whether baby is hungry, tired, has a wet nappy, needs burping – is very common, but this doesn’t mean that you have to cope alone. If the crying doesn’t stop and you’ve tried every trick in the book, then take time out by sharing the load with a partner, relative, friend. Speak to your doctor or midwife if you’re concerned. Just know that you’re not failing as a mother because you can’t stop the tears. If help is out there for the taking, take it.
BREAST FRIEND
Make lanolin cream your best friend, applying it liberally to your nipples and areolas after each feed, or if your breasts are feeling particularly sore, as and when it’s needed.
NAVIGATING GUILT TRIPS
A new-mum survey commissioned by Time magazine in the US found that 70 per cent of its participants admitted to experiencing guilt in some form. From breastfeeding and bottle feeding to “natural births” and drug-assisted ones, early motherhood can be fraught with pressure – and therefore, sadly, self-shame. While it can be a difficult emotion to simply switch off, it’s crucial not to let guilt become a dominant feature in your life.
If such feelings are starting to preoccupy you, a simple exercise to tackle this is to practise a little mindfulness: acknowledge your guilt, identify its source and, as you explore it, consciously replace negative reproachful inner dialogue with self-compassion. It’s not about suppressing guilt, but rather about not letting it spiral – navigating it consciously while being kind to yourself. Most importantly, remind yourself (daily if need be) that a good parent is simply a loving one.
SNAP HAPPY
Mother Nature is not stupid, is she? She designed babies so cute, they have the ability to wipe clean memories of sleep deprivation and nerve-shattering meltdowns (hence why people often go on to have more than one baby!) In those rare moments of quiet (perhaps during a feed or nap), squeeze in a quick photo or three; as any new mum will tell you, you’ll never regret taking an inordinate amount of pictures during these magical, mayhem-filled weeks.
I WANT TO SLEEEP!
Whoever coined that phrase “sleep like a baby” was clearly not the parent of a newborn because there’s no sugar-coating it, looking after a newborn often feels pretty sleep-averse. But sleep will come; remind yourself of this regularly, without fixating on when and how.
POWER NAP
If pre-motherhood sleep feels like a nostalgic distant memory, you’ll be pleased to hear that napping has been proven by multiple studies to have numerous health benefits. Just 20 minutes of daytime sleep is apparently enough to turn off your nervous system, recharge your whole body and vastly improve your cognitive function (including short-term memory and reaction time). If power napping doesn’t come naturally to you, then don’t stress, there are other ways to recharge your batteries (see next tip).
NO GUILT ZZZONE
New mums are often advised to try and sleep the minute baby hits the crib. It’s sensible advice of course (as detailed above), but it’s often easier said than done, especially if this is the only opportunity to shower, eat or enjoy a whole cuppa without it turning stone cold. So don’t let the “sleep while baby sleeps” adage become a source of guilt. Eating, bathing, sipping tea, enjoying a little Netflix – these are all vital forms of rejuvenation, too.
FIRST POST-LABOUR POO!
Many new mums experience constipation after giving birth for a variety of reasons: from milk production disrupting your system to anxiety over that first poo (especially true for mums who’ve had stitches for an episiotomy or tear during delivery). To help ease constipation, drink plenty of water and try to eat fibre-rich foods. If four days pass without a bowel movement after giving birth, speak to your doctor about a stool softener.
BABY BLUES
Do not underestimate the power of those postnatal hormones. A new-mum survey in the US found that 80 per cent of participants experienced the “baby blues”, a mild form of postnatal depression (PND), also known as postpartum depression (PPD). The condition occurs almost immediately after giving birth, often lasting for around two weeks. Again, don’t suffer in silence, but talk it through with a healthcare professional. Remember you are not alone; this will pass.
MATERNAL INSTINCT MYTH
Were your first thoughts when they discharged you and your baby from hospital less of elation but more of horror at the thought that you were expected to raise a child unsupervised, without some sort of manual for reference? “Maternal instinct” can become a form of pressure for new mums with notions of motherhood as something innate widely touted in society. You will undoubtedly develop a gut instinct about your child. Some things will come naturally, other stuff, you’ll learn. Motherhood is often fraught with self-doubt, but never take this to mean you don’t have a connection with your child, or worse, view it as a barometer for the kind of mum you are.
I NEED HELP!
Getting help isn’t a sign of weakness, it’s a sign of strength. When you’re struggling to carry the load single-handedly or you’ve lost balance in your life, summoning the courage to admit this to yourself and others is an act of real love – for both you and your baby. Talk to someone (whether that’s to a relative, friend, colleague, professional – whoever you prefer) if you’re feeling overwhelmed by things. Just don’t suffer in silence and, where possible, enlist some assistance with your load. The lovely African proverb, “It takes a village to raise a child” (meaning, parenting is a shared responsibility) is so true, and you might be surprised by just how many people share this view.
ASK AWAY
As a new mother, it is totally reasonable to have a head filled with questions. Never worry about leaning on your midwife or health visitor if you’re unsure of anything. It’s what they’re there for!
YOU’RE A FAB MUM
There will likely be days when climbing under a duvet and setting up a nice studio apartment there is tempting; days when you’re so tired, you find yourself envying the cat’s luxury to sleep at will; days when nipping to the corner shop for a pint of semi-skimmed feels about as feasible as nipping to the Bahamas for a fortnight; days when you even find yourself resentful of motherhood. None of this makes you a bad mother because – newsflash – you’re human. And a pretty excellent one at that for doing your utmost for the sake of your child. As you begin your new life as a mother, always remember this.
TIRED TALES TO TICKLE!
If the sleep deprivation is hitting hard now, then seek out other new mums, even if only over WhatsApp or by text, and swap some sleepless tales to turn things around. The mum so tired she was about to fetch her baby from his crib only to realise she was already nursing him? The woman who hurriedly climbed into the shower forgetting to remove both her clothes and glasses first? The new mother who spent the morning trying to locate her mobile phone, found it in the dryer, then promptly lost it again and subsequently spent the rest of the day hunting once more because she’d inexplicably placed it in the fridge? All true! All funny! All helpful for taking the edge off wretched restless nights.
The moment a child is born, a mother is also born and it is a huge transition. Everything is new and it is one of the single greatest challenges anyone can go through in their lifetime. Remember that self-care, self-kindness and self-compassion are crucial to help you get through the initial months where the learning curve is steeper than the highest mountain you can climb. We hope these essential tips for new mums will help you through the hard days of new motherhood.
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Totally agree with this, my advice is routine goes right out the window, who cares if the washing isn’t done, just go with your day and it will all fall into place. As for feeding everyone has an opinion do what is right for your baby and you
Every new mom needs to know this. I think it’s so easy to get derailed as a parent. These are excellent.
This is so important that all new mums read this. It is so overwhelming coming home with a baby. I was so exhausted I could barely function on the first few days.
I cannot imagine how scary and daunting it can be at first but with all the resources out there it’s definitely manageable. Great post for new moms with excellent info and tips.
This is so important for new mums. There is so much to take into consideration as well as the responsibility of a new born. The first 8 days are so hard!
It can get really scary at first with bringing in a new life to this world, but with all the resources available right now it is more manageable. Definitely a great read for all new moms.
Such helpful tips! My cousin has just become a new mommy this past weekend! I’ll share this post with her .