A letter to the pregnant lady sitting next to me

pregnant woman truth

Dear lovely pregnant lady sitting next to me,

You tentatively reveal that you are only 10 weeks pregnant! 10 weeks! You share with me you feel like hell. You are already not sleeping. You already feel sick at the smell of meat. You are already wishing this time away.

But no!

Please don’t.

For I can not tell you that it will all get much easier. Sure, I can tell you that you’ll feel better in the next trimester. But I can not tell you you are about to embark on the most dreamy experience you have set in your mind. Or that you will not struggle as a mum. Or that breastfeeding is the most natural thing in the world. Or any of this.

How desperately am I trying to keep in all the things you don’t want to hear right now?

That sleep will become so much worse, and then pretty much elusive once you deliver your beautiful being into this world.

That if you think raw chicken smells bad now, just wait until you have to deal with countless poo-laden, poonam-esque nappies.

You ask me what life with a toddler is like. And I bite my lip because SURELY there is some carrot I can offer you which will get you through the challenging transition you are going to make in the next year. I wrack my brains. How not to offend? How can I deliver the truth with a soft landing?

I can’t, and won’t lie to you. I won’t be part of the big rouse we have all created for every woman pregnant with their first child out there. Can you hear the cogs of my mind whirring as we sit side by side?

And so I muster up the best democratic line that I can…

“The best thing you can do is to have a sense of humour about it all”.

There – that is my golden nugget of mum wisdom to you and every pregnant lady out there. Here is my quasi-truth which I hope will not say too much but will say it all.

Let’s talk again on the other side shall we?

Yours, a yellow-belly mum who just knew you didn’t want to hear the whole truth

What would you say to a pregnant lady? Would you be honest?Β Or hang fire on your words? Do share in a little comment below…

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  1. I try and be honest about the emotional hell that are post-partum hormones….so few people talk about them that they came as such a shock to me and I would have loved some warning so when the time came I wouldn’t have felt so completely devastatingly alone.
    This is of course a cop out on talking about the many other hard truths…..but one is better than none!

  2. That’s great advice about dealing with the hardships of motherhood with humour! So, so, true πŸ™‚

  3. Lol interesting I should read this now as my much loved step sister is visiting soon and after 3 years she’s pregnant – she’s telling me she has lots of questions … I think I will be very tactful πŸ™‚

  4. This is the thing isn’t it, people don’t tell pregnant women what it is really like. I remember people telling me all the amazing things about having children and now I have Evie I tend to not be explicit about what it’s really like either. x

  5. You certainly do need a sense of humour. I just told my cousin who is expecting good first with his girlfriend that it will be the hardest thing they ever do, put pressure on them as a couple like nothing else and at times they’ll want to cry but at the end of the day they’ll never do anything better. #CoolMumClub

  6. I tell any pregnant women I meet to just eat that extra slice of guilt-free cake while they can. Because, honestly that was the best bit about being pregnant (except for the arrival of my darling children obvs), having an excuse to be a complete glutton. I feasted like it was going out of fashion. #coolmumclub

  7. Haha, love the advice. You have to laugh otherwise you’d probably cry!I will always be honest if people ask, no point sugar coating things other wise when the times comes they will be in for a massive shock xx #coolmumclub

  8. I hated being pregnant – it’s like all the bad bits, but without a cuddle from your baby at the end of it. Having children is hard work but massively rewarding too. My advice would be patience, patience, patience. I think the calmer and more patient we are as parents, the calmer our children become. Although it can take years to rub off on them. And just when you think you’ve cracked it, they reach a new developmental stage and it all goes haywire again! haha. #coolmumclub

  9. oh I hate that question, although now mine are older and I haven’t had to wipe their arses for a few years, or cut up their food, and I can shower and s**t in relative peace, I find it quite pleasant lol – honesty is the best policy, I was great for some labour advice for my friends “It hurts like hell” haha #coolmumsclub

  10. I love this. I honestly don’t think that you can ever prepare someone for becoming a Mummy, I think even if you heard every horror story going, it would still come as a huge shock to you. I would probably tell them imagine a time when you was the most tired you’ve ever been, and times it by a million….. #coolmumclub

  11. As a pregnant lady with my first child, I think I’m in favour of honesty. Luckily I have lots of friends who are parents already so I’ve been able to talk to them about what it’s really like. I feel like I will be better positioned to deal with the huge transition I know is coming because I have thought about how hard and how life changing it is going to be. (is that naive of me?!) Luckily though, everyone says it’s worth it!
    I like the advice of keeping a sense of humour – going to try my hardest to take that on board.

  12. Oh I always struggle with that question too, especially when its friends who ask as they can come back and hold you responsible for not telling the truth once they realise the reality lol!

    I usually say something along the lines “Just remember…everything is just a phase :D” lol #coolmumclub

  13. I think you handled it expertly! we can’t take the whole thing seriously – we have to have a sense of humour otherwise we would cry – wait … I did cry! Though I do love the line “let’s talk on the other side!” Would love to have known her response! #coolmumclub

  14. I was chatting to my pregnant friend recently, she has 6 weeks to go, and I was perhaps a little too honest and I felt bad afterwards. The thing is, nothing anybody says will actually help you prepare because everyone’s journey is so unique (cliche but true, soz) so I wonder if letting new parents-to-be enter in to it without having too much advice or words of wisdom from other mums is better..? Nobody warned me about the more ‘challenging’ aspects of child birth/motherhood/life with toddler etc and I’m kind of glad – it might have put a bit of a downer on what was such an exciting time. Then again, I arrogantly thought I knew it all already (I was a nanny before I had kids). Pah ha ha!! What a total idiot I was.. #coolmumclub

  15. It’s easy enough to terrify a first time pregnant mum because it is a roller coaster of emotions and exhaustion but I would have appreciated honesty when I was pregnant on my first. Coping with the baby blues, ppd, exhaustion and hunger! Is straight up tough!

  16. Oh how true! I definitely think honesty would be a much better policy when it came to pregnancy. That way we wouldnt all have such a shock the first time round. I think your advice was perfect. What would I say, I think I would say that becoming a parent is the most rewarding and most demanding thing you’ll ever do πŸ˜‰ Emily #coolmumclub

  17. When my non parent friends ask what it’s like to be pregnant and have a baby, I like to hit them with a down but then immediately hit them with an up – yes you might feel like you want to puke every 30 secs at the beginning, but you will also cherish your bump as it grows and miss it when it’s gone. You may be driven mad with sleep deprivation at the beginning but when you’re approaching your baby’s first birthday, you’ll wish you could slow down time and go back to that first moment when he was tiny and you first held him. I have to say I hear a lot about the “real” side of parenting so I’d love to hear more about the emotional side of parenting (the highs and lows) #coolmumclub

  18. I never underline the bad sides of pregnancy and motherhood. Maybe I reveal a little bit but never say the whole truth. Why? Because I felt wonderful most of the time during my pregnancy and I believe it’s a matter of a positive way of thinking. Yes, I had some physical discomfort (I still hate the smell of a particular fabric conditioner) but I enjoyed being a mother-to-be and a mother afterwards. What I usually say to my pregnant friends is that they should stay calm and positive, it’s a period of happiness. #coolmumclub

  19. Very true, it is not an easy process and I am sure the lack of sleep in pregnancy is some way of training you for no sleep in the early years. I say early years but my boys are nearly four and still getting up in the night!! #coolmumclub xxx

  20. Absolute truth! A sense of humor is a vital tool in parenthood. If not, you’ll shed a lot of tears. Honestly, nothing could’ve prepared me for what motherhood really is. I could have heard every story, and still nothing would have prepared me. Thanks for sharing! #coolmumclub

  21. I think having a sense of humour is good advice! To be honest, I think maybe asking others what to expect or what to do is an ultimately slightly pointless activity, as it will probably never be relevant to you regardless of how honest they are! All mothers are different, all children are different, all experiences are different. I think perhaps the real answer is that we all need to try to worry less about what other people’s experiences were and how ours will compare. #coolmumclub

  22. By the time I was pregnant with my 3rd child in 3 years I was miserable. I was tired of being pregnant. Not to mention my third was a “surprise”. Yes I am well aware how babies are created but for the first time in my 38 years of life I was trying NOT to get pregnant. Not to mention I had gestational diabetes with all 3 pregnancies so I was limited on what I could eat. So to the lady next to you who was 10 weeks pregnant and complaining…had I been next to her pregnant with my 3rd I would have totally related to the misery of it all. Thanks again for hosting the fab #coolmumclub :))

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