How to actually get a good night’s sleep as a parent

adult sleep
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Well here we are folks! The last installment in our Sleep Sessions series. Well, we wouldn’t want it just to be all about the kids, would we? So that’s why our final installment is all about adult sleep. If you are still chasing that elusive good night’s sleep then read on as Sleep Consultant Samantha Sadighi of Easy Sleep Solutions takes us on a deep dive on adult sleep.

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It’s amazing how many parents I speak to who get so used to waking multiple times a night because of their child, that they continue to do so even once the child is sleeping better.  How frustrating!!  Maybe you’ve diligently read this series and realised that ‘hey, it’s not my kid keeping me awake…it’s me!’.  Well, this post is for you!

Many of us struggle with our sleep at various times in our lives, for many reasons.  But when it goes on (and on and on and on) it can be debilitating! Not only are you tired, you also know you’re not firing on all cylinders mentally or physically.  It’s tough!

The adult sleep struggle is real

Insomnia is categorised as difficulties either getting off to sleep, staying asleep or waking too early resulting in you not getting the quality and quantity of sleep you need.  If this has been going on for 3 months or more and happens 3+ nights a week and your daytime functioning is affected, that’s then classed as chronic insomnia. (There’s more to it, but that’s the jist).

This is hardcore!  Sleeping badly for a couple of nights is hard, not sleeping well for months or years is torture! (There’s a reason some militaries use sleep deprivation as an actual punishment!…).

If you’ve been suffering for a really long time, chances are there’s no super ‘quick fix’ although using BBT-i (Brief Behavioural Therapy for Insomnia) or CBT-i (Cognitive Behavioural Therapy for Insomnia) can be really useful and can work within a matter of weeks to get you sleeping well again (why not check out my website for more information?).  Having said that, there are ways you can have a go at fixing your own sleep though.

The importance of sleep hygiene in adult sleep

I briefly mentioned sleep hygiene in my last post regarding teenagers, and promised I would go into more detail, so here we go.

Sleep hygiene basically relates to making sure that everything surrounding our sleep is, well, clean really.  That includes thinking about what we’re doing during the day that may impact us at night as well as making sure that our sleeping environment is conducive to a good night’s sleep.

Some of the most obvious things to think about are:

Caffeine

Caffeine has a half life (so only half of it is metabolised in that time) of about 5-6 hours, meaning that a cup of coffee at 8 am could only just be leaving our system at 6 pm – 8 pm.  So thinking about the timing of what we’re drinking and when can make a really big difference.  Of course, we all have different tolerances to caffeine too.  It’s also worth thinking about what has caffeine in it too.  We all know coffee, tea (maybe more than you think) and energy drinks.  But so too does green tea and chocolate as well as lots of other fizzy drinks, including cola.

Nicotine

Nicotine is a stimulant, so it’s probably no surprise that by smoking too close to bedtime we’re stimulating our systems rather than winding down for the night.  But, as it’s a stimulant, if you have a cigarette during the day while you’re feeling sleepy, it can perk you up a bit and mask the tiredness (much like caffeine).  However, if you smoke a number a day and don’t have one just before bed, your body then goes into withdrawal, which can also impact our sleep! Argh!  Vicious cycle! You’re also more likely to have other sleep related difficulties as a smoker, including an increased risk of sleep apnea (where you basically stop breathing for a number of seconds throughout the night).

Alcohol

I speak to so many people who ‘self-medicate’ using alcohol as a way to help them sleep.  Alcohol’s a sedative, so it will often help you fall asleep faster than if you hadn’t had any, especially if you’re feeling particularly stressed.  However, it changes the architecture of our sleep, so we don’t receive the quality and quantity of sleep we need.   Although we generally enjoy more consolidated sleep in the first half of the night, the second half is more likely to be disrupted.  It also increases the amount of deep sleep we have earlier in the night and delays dream sleep.  We’re naturally more likely to wake more frequently when we’ve had a drink or two (partly because we’re likely to need to go to the loo and also because our body temperature rises when we’re not expecting it as we finish metabolising the alcohol) and so can find it harder to drop back off to sleep too.

Pets

This may not be one you’ve heard of before!  Although many people like having pets on their bed or at least in the room with them when they sleep, objectively this can really disrupt their sleep (well, sharing the bed with anyone can to be honest!). Trying to do your own little experiment of shutting the pets out for a night and seeing if your sleep improves can be a really good idea (if you’re willing!).

Environment

No, not worrying about that David Attenborough programme you watched about displacing the polar bears, I mean your sleeping environment (although you could be justified for having a few sleepless nights about those poor polar bears…).  Is your bed comfortable?  What’s the temperature like? Are your pillows too hard or too soft?  Is it dark and quiet?  It’s definitely worth assessing your bedroom to see if there’s things that can be changed to help you sleep a little better.  Simple tweaks like using ear plugs and/or an eye mask can make a big difference.

Blue Light

This one you will have heard of!  And I’d hazard a guess that you use an electronic device before bed like 97% of the rest of the population too? But I bet you’ve not heard what I’m about to tell you before!  There’s ever evolving research to suggest that actually the blue light from phones doesn’t make a significant difference to the amount of time it’s going to take us to fall asleep.  (I’m doing more training in CBT-i  with an amazing Professor who will explain it all far more eloquently than I could – check out his blogs on the topic here.  It’s possibly more about the amount of time you’re exposing yourself to the bright light and what you’re looking at on the screen.  The key is to not get sucked into watching our screens for longer than we should – whether that’s the TV, our phones or other devices.  And not letting them delay us going to bed when we know we should.

Revenge bedtime procrastination

You may have heard of this on social media.  I think it’s become even more prominent in the last year because of all the COVID craziness to be honest.  It’s essentially when we decide to sacrifice our adult sleep in the name of having some extra leisure time that we feel we wouldn’t otherwise be able to squeeze into our busy lives.  I know I was certainly guilty of this when my children were very small as I simply felt I ‘deserved’ some time to myself in the evenings to do what I wanted.  But boy did I pay the price!  

Of course, doing it occasionally isn’t going to do us any harm (staying up to watch one more episode of the latest box set we’re watching for example), but doing it consistently and over a long period of time could start to be really detrimental to not only our sleep, but our overall health.  So if this is something you’re aware of doing, it might be worth thinking about why you’re doing it and working out if there’s other times that you can claw back some ‘me time’ that isn’t going to leave you feeling quite so sleep deprived.

So there we go.  That completes my Sleep series.  I hope you’ve gained plenty of insight into the wonderful world of sleep.  All that’s left to say is please don’t hesitate to get in touch if you have any questions or if you or someone you know are struggling with their sleep! And if you have found adult sleep challenging do leave a comment below with your experiences.

Catch up on all previous installments of Sleep Sessions below:

Teen sleep

Children & school aged children sleep

Baby & toddler sleep

Newborn sleep

Why sleep is SO important

Photo by Ketut Subiyanto from Pexels

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