Sleep in school-aged children and preschoolers

sleep in school-aged children
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So you’ve battled it through the baby and toddler years and the seemingly endless sleep regressions, and you’re wondering whether sleep in school-aged children and preschoolers will finally settle down. Well, there’s good and bad news I’m afraid! In this issue of The Sleep Sessions with Sleep Consultant Samantha Sadighi of Easy Sleep Solutions we’ll look at whether sleep finally rights itself in these age bracket. Let’s take a closer look!

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The difficulties that many of the families I deal with when it comes to sleep in school-aged children and preschoolers can be pretty similar (such as resisting bedtime and waking in the night for comfort), although often stem from different reasons.  

Sometimes, the child has just never been a good sleeper and the parents suddenly realise that it’s not going to miraculously change as they’d hoped.  Others had previously been good sleepers, but something has happened that has knocked their sleep off course a little; be that anxiety about school or other life events or maybe they’d been poorly and got used to sleeping in the big bed with Mum and/or Dad and quite frankly prefer it to sleeping on their own.  More bedtime resistance is likely to be a greater feature of sleep in school-aged children and preschoolers, especially for the former who start to understand that some of their peers stay up a lot later than they do.

Let’s look at these difficulties in turn: 

If your little one has always been a bad sleeper

There’s research to suggest that 80% of families that have a baby not sleeping well will still have problems 3 – 5 years later.  So you’re not alone!  There’s more research that claims if by 18 months old a child is not sleeping well, the chances of them learning sleep skills without help is significantly reduced.  Of course there’s always plenty of well-meaning advice online when it comes to sleep in school-aged children and preschoolers both in books and from friends and family about how to get their sleep sorted. However, as I’ve said before, our children’s sleep needs are as individual as they are, so unfortunately a one size fits all approach doesn’t always work.  You’ve also got to remember that if they’ve always struggled, and depending on their age, in the words of 80’s rock band Chicago, it’s a ‘Hard Habit to Break’.  That’s not to say it can’t be broken though!

The role of child development

I’m going to step away from sleep for a moment, and talk a little about child development for a second or so.  It’s worth  remembering that children are sponges, especially between the ages of about 3 – 9 years old.  This is when they start to build their ‘self-concept’ about who and what they are etc.  This means that they are able to learn things quickly, which is great.  However, it also means that they can perceive things as fact, even if they might not be. 

The reason I’m mentioning this, is if you or other people close to your family refer to a child as a ‘bad sleeper’ in their presence, this then becomes part of their self-concept, with them believing that’s the case.  It then becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy that they are going to struggle with their sleep, because that’s what the adults they trust around them are saying.  So it can be worth thinking about what’s said and when within ear-shot so bad sleeping doesn’t become part of their internal identity.

Newfound sleep strugglers

What about those who had been good sleepers but have suddenly started to struggle?  Well, as I’ve already said, there can be many reasons why they start to have difficulties, especially depending on their age.  Of course the last year has been stressful enough even for us adults, but I think sometimes we can forget just how much youngsters have been through too. 

Being at school, not being at school, and then being back at school and everything is slightly different.  It’s no wonder that so many children are suffering with varying levels of anxiety, which is bound to impact on our sleep.  I’ll talk more in the final installment about adult sleep about how worrying can keep us awake and some strategies to help. 

But for now, I’d always suggest trying to carve out some time every day (if you can) to talk to your child about what might be worrying them.  Preferably away from bedtime as if it’s while they’re laid in bed, they then form the association that their bed is for worrying and they’ll also be left to think about things on their own when the lights go out.  So early in the day can be ideal, or straight after school so they have a few hours to process what you’ve discussed.  Trying to validate how they’re feeling can make a really big difference too, while reframing how they’re thinking about things so they can view it all more positively.

Consistency is keep to nail sleep in school-aged children and preschoolers

So how do you stop your little love getting up and coming in to you or needing you to lie with them to get off to sleep?  Well, there’s a few different ways to be honest.  Although, (and if you’ve read the other blogs, this will come as no surprise!), consistency is absolutely key!  Whatever you decide you’re going to do, stick to it for a week if possible to see how it goes. 

Also, for this age range, I would discuss it with the child too (but again, not at bedtime).  Try to understand where the resistance to change is coming from, and help support them to make those changes.  If it’s a 7 year old still sleeping in your bed, they may well tell you to ‘do one’ if you suggest they sleep in their own bed.  But burrowing down to find out what seems to be the root cause of the problem should in itself give you the answers you need, whether that’s in the form of reassurance that there are no such things as monsters, or that Mummy/Daddy will still be there in the morning or getting a new mattress for them if their current one isn’t as comfy as yours.  Often, it can be really simple little tweaks that make a really big difference.

Of course, this is a very simplified overview of some of the generic problems that children this age can face.  I could (and would if I thought I could get away with it) dissect things further!

Sleep is still SO important

You’ve probably gathered that sleep is pretty important for all of us, but around this age, sleep is SUPER important!  Our children aren’t just learning things in school, they’re learning so much more about love, life and the universe.  But without sufficient sleep, that learning’s impaired.

I have a few friends that are teachers, and they’ve all said they can tell immediately which of the children in their class don’t sleep well.  One of the reasons is because when we don’t get enough sleep, including enough REM/Dream sleep, we struggle with our emotional regulation.  So without enough of it, they can find it really hard to control their feelings and emotions, which even when they’re well rested can be tricky enough!  

Also, their school performance is likely to take a hit too if they’re not getting enough zzz’s.  That’s partly because they’re often too tired to concentrate, but also because without good quality and quantity sleep, there’s not the opportunity for their brains to consolidate what they’ve learnt and retain it for future reference.

So, I’m guessing one of your burning questions is ‘Sam, how much sleep do they actually need?’.  As I’ve already said, we’re all unique, so too are our sleep needs.  But as a guide, for pre-schoolers about 10-13 hours in a 24 hour period is what’s suggested by the National Sleep Foundation, where 9 – 11 hours is more acceptable for children between about 6 -13 years old.  Of course, there are some children with higher and lower sleep needs, but these are a really good starting point.

Catch up on previous issues of The Sleep Sessions on newborn sleep and baby and toddler sleep.

Baby photo created by pvproductions – www.freepik.com

10 comments

  1. While sleep is so important to kids, it’s such a challenge to get our toddlers to sleep. It’s equally challenging to keep them sleeping longer.

  2. Sleep is definitely extremely important. My daughters are always on a schedule and go to bed around the same time each night. I think it’s important to have that so that they sleep well.

  3. I think kids don’t get to sleep enough. Some folks put their kids in bed around 9 or 10pm, but even at a 6 or 7am wakeup, for younger children, 8 hours is still not enough.

  4. My kids are always sleepy. I’m glad we’re doing an online class so i can monitor what my child does. I’ll try to add these tips to my children. Thank you very much!

  5. We know that short term memory moves to long term memory when we sleep, which is why it is so important for young learners. Thanks for this series.

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