Lonely mum: In pursuit of a mum friend

lonely mum

*This is a guest post

Let’s be real. This whole mum gig is the loneliest thing ever. How is it that we literally birthed our very own personal stalker and we feel more alone than ever?I mean this kid forces me to make eye contact while I’m taking a poop. It’s hard to rationalize these feelings of loneliness with that kind of intimacy. But even with a Stage-Five-Clinger, I’ve spent most of my time in motherhood feeling alone and like a lonely mum.

Social media was a big contributor to this

Either all these mum’s on social media got some kind of Perfect-Parenting-Informational-Packet in their take-home bag from the hospital or they’re all full of shit.

I’ll lean towards the latter.

It was hard to imagine becoming friends with these mums who seemed to really have their lives together, while I can’t bring myself to look in the mirror because I haven’t showered in a week and my kid is screaming profanities in the grocery store.

Hell, sometimes I didn’t even want to be friends with me

But my mother insisted that I needed to be friends with someone, ANYONE. She swore if I put myself out there and tried to make some friends my life would change.

It’s taken me a long time and I hate to admit it but my mother was right. I was missing one crucial component of surviving motherhood…

A Mum Friend. A real, genuine motherhood friendship

I’m not talking about your kid’s friend’s parents who you’re forced to have small talk with at the park. I’m not talking about the members of your local Facebook Mum Group.

I’m not talking about the person who became a mum and now she’s a shiny social media mum with the perfect stories about her perfect offspring living their perfect lives in their perfectly clean house.

No, the kind of Mum Friend I’m talking about is just as much of a hot-diggity-mess as you are.

I’m talking about the Mum Friend that doesn’t flinch at the sight of your filthy dirty house

Instead, she’ll offer to help fold laundry, or better yet, flop on the couch & ignore it altogether.

I’m talking about the Mum Friend that has seen you in all your bra-less, makeup-less glory and will still go out in public with you.

I’m talking about the Mum Friend who brings her kid over for a playdate and when all you have for snacks are Dino-Nuggets & Twinkies, no one complains.

I’m talking about the Mum Friend you can file any and all complaints with and they won’t care if you call your 2 year old a parasitic ass hole.

A Mum Friend is the person that is your Equal Motherhood Counterpart

You’re both in the same Mum League of dirty houses, mountains of laundry, & double chins.

A Mum Friendship is built from imperfections without judgement.

So how do I know what a real Mum Friend is? Meet Teddi, my Mama Soul Sister, and  all the things I didn’t know I needed until I had them.

Despite growing up in the same small town and going to the same schools, we were never more than acquaintances. Our paths crossed when we both became mothers in 2016. After 2 years of saying we would schedule a playdate, we finally did and I haven’t felt alone since then.

There are things that we have in common: both of us have a 2 year old boy, both of us are married, we’re the same age, we grew up in the same town, etc.

But there are also things that we don’t have in common: Teddi is pregnant, while I go into a panic if my period is 3 hours late. She breastfeeds, and I bottle fed. She co-sleeps, while I put my Toddler’s crib mattress on the floor so he can’t escape. Teddi is a stay-at-home mum, and I go to work.

For some people, those differences will make or break the odds of being that person’s friend

But lucky for me, Teddi accepts and supports my way of parenting, just like I accept and support hers. Because at the end of the day, we are both just trying to keep these tiny humans alive without losing our minds (even though, most of the time we still do).

So if you find yourself feeling completely alone in motherhood and a lonely mum, think about that fellow mum you’ve been blowing off for no real reason. Stop being weird and socially awkward and just schedule the freakin’ playdate!

In order to survive motherhood, trust me, you’re going to need a Mum Friend.

Author bio:

I am Taylor Halfpenny, author of Ticking Time Momb. I am a mother, wife, & writer. I live & work in the fabulous city of Las Vegas. My blog, Ticking Time Momb, exposes the truth about motherhood with brutal honesty, humour, and sarcasm. Connect with me on Facebook and Instagram.

9 comments

  1. You had me at “we literally birthed our very own personal stalker!” So so true. I personally found that I’d met my mum friends for life before I gave birth thanks to a wonderful NCT group. 10 years down the line and we’re still all as close as we were back in 2008 when we were all 30+ weeks pregnant.

  2. It’s so hard not only making mummy friends sometimes, but also keeping in touch as the busy day to day life of having a family mean the weeks pass by. Having a strong group of mummy friends is really important for your own wellbeing as a parent 🙂

  3. Gosh I can relate to a lot of this! I’m hoping when Lu starts school i’ll have more opportunities to meet mum friends and find one or two to really click with.

  4. Aw I enjoyed reading this. It’s nice to read something that broaches the subject of motherhood loneliness without sounding preachy. Finding mum friends is so hard but it is so important to try and seek out that one person who will accept everything about you and your parenting ways.

  5. It is so hard making Mum friends, especially as your kids get older and you have more than one. I’ve got a really awful habit of clicking with one or two mums, forging wonderful friendships and then someone (me or them) will move away! I find the initial arranging something really difficult because I have anxiety and am quite shy but once I’ve met up with someone once I’m fine. I hope this post helps a lovely Mum out there that there is still hope and it’s never too late to make a Mum friend xx

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