Mothers of school children.….we know that becoming a new Mother is a heroic journey. Although we can never completely prepare ourselves for Motherhood, there’s a general understanding that it requires a huge shift – even if we don’t know what that will look like in reality.
But the journey continues long after a baby is born. I mean, wow…when a child reaches school age, the new set of challenges faced by Mothers is unreal!
Mamas, you’re not alone in feeling like you’re struggling with this transition into ‘school-mum-hood’. Despite this, there’s no real support for this transition, unlike during the early days of Motherhood when priority support is available (albeit sometimes limited) during the perinatal stage.
In this article on the overwhelming load Mothers of school children carry, Laura Greenwood (Psychotherapist, Matrescence, Maternal Mental Health Coach & Activist) explores the transition school Mums undergo, the challenges they face, the societal perceptions they contend with, and the impact on child mental health.
Laura also gives actionable steps to support these unsung heroes in the hopes we can recognise the needs of the Mother AND the child, and ultimately, society as a whole.
The Overwhelming Load for Mothers of School Children
Let’s face it. Schools are under a LOT of pressure from the top down. That pressure is passed on to teachers, teachers place it onto parents, and it’s inevitably then passed on to children. We want to raise our kids to love and live their lives, but what we’re doing, unconsciously, is putting unrealistic pressure on tiny little people. This is contributing to the child mental health crisis.
On top of all the other things we do to keep our families and households surviving, school Mums juggle the majority of the additional tasks that comes with their child being in school: getting the kids ready and into school, preparing lunchboxes, and ironing uniforms (which of course they’ve grown out of within weeks!) and more besides. All while managing the emotional and mental demands of their child’s – and their own – emotional dysregulation after having to conform to the school culture all day.
Not to mention balancing:
- the mismatch between a six-hour school day and an eight-hour workday (plus commute, for many). It feels like we’ve done 10 rounds before we’ve even got into work, and then we have to do some real-life adulting in a professional setting.
- repeated notifications and demands from fellow parents via school apps, WhatsApp (ohhh, the Mum’s WhatsApp notifications!), emails, newsletters, parent consultation meetings, PTA meetings, trips, homework projects, extracurriculars…it’s constant, and there’s no real off switch.
- the needs of your other children (speaking of which, how on this sweet Earth can we comfortably get multiple children to their various drop-off locations on time when the drop-off time is so short!? Nevermind walking to ‘avoid creating traffic near the school’ and still getting to work on time. Phew!)
These challenges – and all the others we face that are unique to school Mums – often go unnoticed and unacknowledged.
To lighten the physical, emotional, and mental load, consider these steps:
- Delegate chores: Get your children involved in age-appropriate tasks to ease the physical burden.
- Create boundaries: Establish limits on when you can be available to help with homework or look at school-related notifications, ensuring some much-needed time and space for yourself as an individual.
- Carpool or share responsibilities: Collaborate with other parents to make the hell that is drop-off more manageable.
- Prioritise your needs: Set aside time for yourself to recharge, even if it’s just a few minutes each day.
Mothers of School Children: Societal Perception of School Mamas
Society undermines the role of parents, especially school Mums. In fact, Motherhood is a socially accepted form of trauma – we’re in a hypervigilant state at all times due to all the ‘little’ things. Despite only being ‘little’ things, if they’re missed, we’re criticised and/or heavily penalised. The very possibility of dropping the ball triggers us, so when we inevitably do…BOY, does it weigh heavily!
Mothers are expected to have gone back to ‘normal life’ by the time their child starts school. This mindset devalues the work of Mothering.
We can challenge these perceptions by being open and authentic when we talk to people about how things are going. If we all stay silent in fear of judgement, we never get to realise that we’re not alone in our experience.
Child Mental Health Crisis
Child mental health is rightly seen as a huge issue, but the current setup is contributing to this crisis by expecting Mums to ‘do it all’ (and with a calm smile on their faces as they enjoy every moment, obviously), forcing them to constantly rush through every aspect of their day.
This doesn’t match the belief system of caring about child mental health. Parents are the primary influencers of their children when they get to school age. Mothers have a hugely significant impact on their child’s well-being and mental health. It starts with Mothers – not therapists. It shouldn’t have to get that far before people take notice and make relevant changes.
Mothers of school children face a whole world of challenges, often hidden in plain sight. These challenges affect not only Mothers but also the well-being of their children. By supporting school Mothers in their essential roles, we can ensure a brighter and more resilient future for society.
If you want to learn more about how you can build resilience in Motherhood, sign up to Laura’s newsletter to be the first to hear about her upcoming course: Finding You Through Motherhood.
