Why you should never assume you know a mum’s story

never assume you know a mum

We can’t help it….we humans are curious creatures…but if you have assumptions about another mum’s situation, here’s a solid piece of advice: keep it to yourself.

You may think the mum who has had her first child at forty put motherhood on hold because her career, but the truth is she struggled with miscarriage after miscarriage until she was finally able to reach full term and deliver her baby healthily.

You may conclude the mum of an only child is being selfish in her decision to deny her child of a sibling, but you don’t know that the one child pushed her to her mental and physical limits and that another child could jeopardize the whole balance of happy family life which she has strived so hard to achieve.

You may presume that the mum who talks to nobody at the school gates seems rude and aloof when in fact she is battling day in, day out with depression.

You may wonder how the woman with no children could ever feel complete when in fact she still yearns deeply for her own after countless rounds of IVF.

Whatever you assume, know this: unless you know these mums, well really, you don’t and the way you perceive things can be very different to reality. You don’t know their story, and you certainly don’t know what challenges they’ve had in their lives, or the decisions they’ve had to make to overcome them.

Because the truth is, life is never as simple as it seems and so my words to you in this post are: please, don’t ever make assumptions about a mum’s situation. Because as the old adage goes, don’t assume because it makes an ass out of you and me and not only that….sometimes our assumptions can be more hurtful to “that mum” than you will ever know.

So rather than assume, why not just keep an open mind and accept? We are all different and what difference does someone else’s situation make to your own life anyway?

What are your thoughts on making assumptions about other mums? Do leave a comment and share below…

Why you should never assume you know a mum's story

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  1. Really interesting post, I think you are spot on about how the ways things are percieved (especially online!) are very rarely the reality of a situation.

  2. This is brilliant and I couldn’t agree more. With all of it. As someone who has struggled with infertility over the years I’ve had all the comments – when are you having another, you’re not sticking at one are you.. blah blah blah. I guess people mean well, they just don’t realise how hurtful their comments can be. X

  3. That is so true! Most people think that we only have one child, because it’s a personal choice. The truth is, we’ve tried so many times, but have been heartbroken so many times too. While I’ve accepted it now, it still stings when I hear comments about how lucky that T is an only child.

  4. I so agree with this. We tend to judge everyone around as mothers but we got no idea what’s going on. It happened to me to judge and it happened to be judged and trust me I learned my lesson

  5. This is very true, I knew a lady who had struggled to conceive and heard someone say that she was too selfish to have children because she loved her excotic holidays ( she took these holidays, to try to take her mind of not having children) she did have a son eventually!

  6. I don’t see how anyone can be judgmental anyway? Who’s business is it if people don’t have children or have 19? I think that not only are people too quick jumping to conclusions, they should also think if it is their place to comment at all.
    (hubby helping out)

  7. Finally someone said it! I have found since my little guy started school everyone is so judgemental!! You never really know what someone is going through, in some cases even if you do know them so people should be more mindful!

  8. I think it is natural to be curious. Most mums want to tell their story at some point and I will always make the effort to stop and listen

  9. You are one of the most in tune mummies I know and I know that you would never make assumptions. This post really made me stop and think. What do we ever really know about people and their situations? Love this thought-provoking post and I, for one, will be altering my perspective today for sure! #CoolMumClub

  10. Really good post and having lost a child I know too well why people shouldn’t make assumptions. I hate all this talk of women being accused of being selfish for not having kids, only the truth is they can’t conceive etc. Fab post. #coolmumclub xx

  11. This is so true and so important. As humans we’re quick to judge and make assumptions and we really shouldn’t; you never know what’s going on behind closed doors and just by being kind it can make all the difference to someones difficult day x #coolmumclub

  12. Assumptions are lazy. We should really talk more and get know each other and listen. A lot of assumptions are because some people can’t be bothered to listen and take in what’s been shown or told to them. #coolmumclub

  13. Great post, I’m sure we all judge in some way at some point in our lives, weather its how we look at homeless people, people with drug problems, parenting, beauty, even to the extent of why people commit crime. People judge far too often and its pretty sad as there’s always a reason people do things/are the way they are.


  14. Such wise words on such young shoulders 😉 You are so right – it’s all too easy to get drawn into the ‘obvious’ without stopping to think about the consequences of your assumptions or words. Ouch…foot in mouth syndrome strikes again right? Been there probs too many times…on both sides of the coin.


    Thanks for being the wisest and kindest of all the #coolmumclub hosts 😉

  15. So true! Completely agree, the assumption was I didn’t want kids, but it was miscarriages, fertility treatment, IVF then adoption…just didn’t really want to talk about it until now!

  16. Completely agree with you and this wisdom. Recognise myself in at least one of these “mums” and my only point would be that I think the same applies to other women and men too for that matter

  17. I hate it when mums judge each other, we are all just doing our best. We’re continually encouraged to define our own worth by judging others, it’s time to break the cycle! #CoolMumClub

  18. Couldn’t agree more. We married at 23 and the assumption was made that kids would soon follow, then the assumption was that we didn’t want any, then we were advised not to put it off too long as we’d regret it, followed by endless questions about why and when etc. Little did they know we had been trying and despite all tests coming back that we were both perfectly healthy we just couldn’t get pregnant, other than one very early miscarriage. At 29 we finally did have a baby and then the assumption was that another would follow, then they assumed we didn’t want any more and on it went again for another 5 years while we suffered miscarriage after miscarriage until we had our daughter. Now it’s assumed we don’t want anymore, when in actual fact complications in my last pregnancy mean I can’t. You never truly know what another person is going through so I always reserve judgment these days, life is hard enough.

  19. Love this! It’s so easy to judge. I think, if we’re honest, we all make judgements about people all the time – it’s natural. But one of the great things I’ve learnt since blogging is that things are not as clear-cut as I had once imagined – when you read someone’s blog, you see what is underneath the exterior and the reasoning behind behaviours. Now, I try to remember these things when my mind jumps to a conclusion about someone… #coolmumclub

  20. Totally agree – if I had £1 for every time someone said ‘and will you be trying for baby number two?’ when I was (privately) suffering multiple miscarriage… #coolmumclub

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