Girls can be incredibly emotional beings – and as a mum to a seven-year daughter raising fearless girls is a subject which I have largely been preoccupied with during my motherhood career to date.
Some girls just seem fearless by default – others need a little more coaxing. Perhaps some are in between. Either way you look at it, in a day and age where life can feel so incredibly fast, harsh and cut-throat, the concept of raising fearless girls has perhaps never been so crucial to our daughters.
With that said, I’m delighted to share this extract from from A Girl’s Guide to Being Fearless: How to Find Your Brave, by Suzie Lavington and Dr. Andy Cope (published by Capstone, November 2020) today. This can be used as a mini roadmap to help coach your daughters in your mission to raise fearless girls. So without further ado, here are 10 sure-fire strategies to help them find their brave. There’s also some excellent advice we can adopt as humans too 🙂
Stretch, but don’t panic
Every activity we find easy or relaxing falls inside our comfort zone. Outside of that is our ‘stretch zone’ and, contrary to popular belief, not all stretch marks are bad! These are activities that make us slightly to moderately nervous but that we can do without going to pieces. Beyond that is our ‘panic zone’.
The key to growing in confidence in any area of your life is to move out of your comfort zone and into your stretch zone, but to stop before you reach your panic zone. Attempting something too scary too soon could make you crack under the pressure and give you a horrible aversion to trying again.
Listen to the future you
Sure, it’s far easier not to raise your hand, speak up, make the phone call to the scary adult who runs the company you’d love to work at, and continue admiring the guy or girl from a distance.
The things that terrify you are often the things you’re meant to go after. Because the fear is a sign that you care about it. So listen to the future you. She’s older and wiser.
Count to five. Backwards!
Feel the fear and do it anyway kind of makes sense, but if you’re anything like me, your next burning question is: How?
The longer you leave it before taking action (the longer the time gap), the more likely it is that the gap gets filled with dread, anxiety, self-doubt and overwhelm and those feelings get the better of you.
So, the event happens [you need to have a difficult conversation with someone, speak up in class, ask something from someone who intimidates you…] and if you give yourself too much time to think, you talk yourself out of it.
Stop the negative head chat in its tracks. Start counting backwards from five: 5, 4, 3, 2, 1. . .
Then do one thing, take one action. Sit up in bed, put your hand up when the teacher asks a question in class, pick up the phone and have a difficult but important conversation with someone, put your trainers on and go for a run. Whatever it is, just take the first step.
Get a real perspective
How big is the situation you’re facing, really? Where is this issue on a scale of 1 to 10? Where 10 is death.
Emotions also flare up in nerve-wracking situations. Whenever I was nervous before an audition, I’d have to remind myself to get a grip, that it wasn’t life or death. All I was doing was going into one little room in one little building, doing what I love in front of a couple of other people.
And in a few short moments, it would be over. So I might as well grab those moments by the kahoonas while I had the chance!
Visualise a winning outcome
Professional athletes, speakers, performers. . . they all visualise themselves smashing an event before it takes place. So why not borrow their trick and play a movie in your mind of you succeeding at whatever it is you’re about to do: crossing the finish line, scoring the goal, receiving a standing ovation from the audience, getting the A grade, making your maths teacher smile with your brilliance.
If you find it hard to imagine an event that hasn’t happened yet, think of a time you felt incredible doing something you’ve already done. Close your eyes and run through the event, moment by moment, and allow yourself to feel those emotions all over again.
Step into that more confident self. Feel the assertiveness and charisma filling your body. . . now open your eyes and go take on the world.
If you’re going to be in the room, BE in the room
Posture matters, so take up your space. All of it! Both you and those around you will think you’re in control if you own your space. . . and look relaxed doing it. Here’s how:
Find a private spot in the room, stand with your feet shoulder width apart and slightly soften your knees. Keeping your feet flat on the floor, imagine there’s a chord running up your spine and out through the top of your head. Then imagine someone gently pulling on that chord, lifting your head up high.
Holding an open, powerful stance like this can instantly make you feel more confident. It changes your body’s chemistry by upping your levels of testosterone (confidence hormone) and lowering cortisol (stress hormone). You’ll send a whole new message to the world.
Well I don’t know about you, but as well as heading off to teach my daughter all of those things, I’ll also be taking some of those tips and tricks on board for myself. We hope you enjoyed this extract from A Girl’s Guide to Being Fearless: How to Find Your Brave. Here’s to fearless daughters everywhere!
Cover picture credit: Winter photo created by freepik – www.freepik.com
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