Comparison is the thief of joy, this quote says it all!
Research shows that around 10% of our daily thoughts are some kind of comparison, and that, when we compare ourselves, it tends to be to the best of those people we know, the thinnest, smartest, most popular… which let’s be honest is NEVER going to end well!
We all know it’s useless, right?
Because we can never ever be another person, we can never have their body, their kids, their relationship.
It’s impossible – WE ARE NOT THEM!
Yet, we all do it, because the world has run on hierarchies since time began and so if we aren’t aware we can find ourselves constantly checking to see where our place in it is.
Accepting who you are is one of the most powerful steps to freedom. You are unique and so are your kids! Neither of you can be anyone else, your stories, your challenges, your loves, your losses, your highs and lows are unique only to you.
You can’t be anyone else and they can’t be you!
When I look back over my 21 years of parenting one of my biggest regrets is the comparison. Trying to make my children “fit in” rather than letting them just be themselves.
Comparing their development, popularity and of course grades to that of their peers. Judging my mothering ability and style to that of who I thought at the time were the perfect mothers. Never really feeling good enough. Again, comparison is the thief of joy!
It works the other way too…Do you catch yourself doing this one?
“Well at least I don’t drink as much as so and so”
“Thank goodness my child behaves better than hers”
“I’m not like that on social media” (the crack cocaine of comparison incidentally!)
This is a dangerous one, as it is perfect for convincing yourself your habit or situation isn’t really that much of an issue, because so and so is far worse than you and so allows you some slack…and maybe that extra glass of vino or few minutes scrolling!
Constantly judging our own self-worth against someone’s progress, children, body or possessions is the quickest way to feel inadequate.
We are all on our own journey. Just because you are heading in the same direction as someone doesn’t mean you will be going at the same speed.
It is one of the most disempowering things you can do… and I see it A LOT! It also serves as a distraction from getting your own life in order.
So, what can you do about it?
- When you catch yourself doing it STOP!
- Focus on your own strengths and triumphs, or that of your children.
- Concentrate on your own journey.
- Compare yourself to yourself.
This takes practice but repetition is the key to changing how you think.
Maybe you are doing a little bit better today than you were yesterday or last week? What ARE you winning at? What kind or cleaver things do YOUR children do? Ask what you can learn from others rather than comparing yourself to them.
Maybe Johnnie’s reading age is higher because his mum reads to him every night, something you have been meaning to do but just never get around too?
Don’t hate her or yourself for it, just see how you can make it fit into your life.
Concentrating on YOUR “wins” i.e., the gains that you are making, however small these are, over time it will shift your outlook.
Your subconscious thoughts and feelings will be more positive, affecting your actions. This is always apparent on my Slim From Within program because when it comes to weight loss, it is all about the action!
Our decisions and subsequent actions all stem from our thoughts…
Think crap, feel crap, eat crap.
Think positive, feel better, eat better!
One thing coaching has taught me is we all have our problems and issues, no-one gets away scot free, so looking over the fence is pointless. They aren’t you, they are on their own journey and you are on yours! Concentrate on that!
I love the mantra This Is Me, (or This is Us)
The day I started to say that was the day I started accepting my kids and I for who we are, how we are, just as we are. It is the most empowering thing you can do for their development and your sanity… I just wish I’d started saying it 20 years ago!
Remember, you are doing a great job, you don’t need to keep looking over the fence!Just keep saying “this is me”.
Kim Raine is the Founder of the Sort Your Crap Collective and the creator of Slim From Within an 8 week coaching program for women who are sick and tired of endless diets, fresh starts and false hopes.
Kim is a Life Coach and Health Mentor who is fanatical about helping women free themselves from the blocks that are holding them back so they can sort their crap out once and for all.
Kim empowers women to reduce anxiety, beat burnout, manage stress, lose weight, sleep better and reconnect with their true selves so they can lead healthier happier lives.
You can find her over at https://kimrainecoaching.com/
Lose your first 7lbs without counting calories over at https://kimrainecoaching.com/loseyourfirst7/