What to do if you suspect your teen is being bullied

We often think of bullying as something that happens to younger children in the playground. However, did you know that much of the bullying landscape has actually moved online with bullies hiding behind the keyboard, putting teenagers increasingly at risk? With that in mind, this Anti-Bullying Week we wanted to zoom in on what to do if you suspect your teen is being bullied.

To help us, we have Andrew Bryant, author of the new Teenager manual from Haynes here to provide his top tips on what to do if you believe your teen is being bullied.

Recent data from the Ditch The Label survey revealed 22% of UK teens reported being bullied in 2019. With bullying having been shown to often result in depression, anxiety, under-achievement, isolation and self-harm it is critical both schools and parents are pro-active in an attempt to resolve issues.

As much as parents would like to see bully-free school environments, bullying is an inevitable result of human interaction and will not disappear. However, that does not mean parents or schools should be complacent. Rather, we should be equipping our teens with strategies to prevent and tackle it.

Listening is everything

Whether bullying is physical, verbal, cyber or otherwise, it should be treated in the proper manner, and the most important step is to listen. If your teen is being bullied, be aware they may feel embarrassed or ashamed. They may also have been threatened with repercussions if they tell anyone of the bullying. Create time and a safe environment in order to talk openly with your teen, away from others and the trappings of everyday life such as TVs and mobile phones.

Stay calm

Be aware your child may not be willing to share the whole story, but try to listen as best you can. Remain calm and try not to overreact or jump to conclusions. Avoid hearsay from the playground or other parents and ensure you stay focused on your teen. However, this does not mean you should accept every element of their story as fact. As difficult as it may be to accept, sometimes the bully may even turn out to be your teen.

When your teen is being bullied, although it is stressful for all parties, remember your teen will often mirror the emotions of those closest to them, so try to remain rational and look for logical and reasoned solutions.

Teach life skills

Never encourage your teen to retaliate; can you imagine the outcome if adults solved workplace disputes with punches? Your role is to teach skills for life, so encourage them to handle disputes in a mature and calm manner and to seek appropriate channels of support such as teachers, counsellors and, if necessary, even the police.

Dealing with the matter

If your teen is being bullied, avoid intervening directly with another young person. Being concerned and empathetic is perfectly natural, but always approach a teacher or designated child welfare member of staff in the first instance.

Before instigating conversations with your teen’s school, think about what you wish to achieve and make sure your expectations are realistic. Depending on the severity of the bullying, the school may adopt one or more actions they consider appropriate; a telling-off, a letter home, removal from a class, isolation or detention. Ensure you have read the school’s bullying policy as this can help to shape your expectations. All policies are available on request and are often posted online on a school’s website.

When you approach a teacher, ensure you keep a record of all responses from both your teen and the school. Document what actions will be taken, by whom and when.

If you feel a teacher has not resolved a matter adequately there is usually a hierarchy through which you can escalate your concerns. Beyond class teachers you could contact the head of house/head of year, a senior manager, the head teacher and ultimately the chair of governors. Depending on the type of school, it may also be possible to raise your concerns with the academy provider, the local diocese, or the education department of your local authority.

Create positive change

As a parent there are a number of positive opportunities you can create for your teen. Ensure your teen has access to clean clothes and any necessary sanitary and hygiene products. Encourage activities such as sport that not only boost physical and mental wellbeing but offer opportunities through which to develop new friendship groups.

If your teen is being bullied, one of the most productive changes, but probably the hardest to achieve, may be to wean your child off social media, especially channels rife with bullying. Some sites such as YOLO and Sarahah have been flagged by critics as particularly prone to hosting anonymous bullying posts.

Above all, remember the welfare of your teen is paramount, so ensure your teen has both an identified person and a safe place to which they can turn if they are feeling vulnerable. This can be agreed jointly between your teen and their school. Your teen may further wish to find support outside of the school environment, through a friend, relative or support group.

If your teen is being bullied, we hope you find this information useful and that it helps you to support them in doing everything you can to make the bullying stop.

Haynes Publishing’s Teenager Manual by Andrew Bryant is priced at £12.99 and is available from www.haynes.com.

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