Women’s work: How COVID has created a huge mental load for mums

As modern women we are told we can have it all. The career, the babies, the life we always dreamed of having. The glass ceiling is gone, we can reach for the stars, there are no barriers to achieving our goals. The trouble is when we were sold the “have it all” dream, we didn’t fully realise the implications behind this sentiment and the huge mental load for mums it would create. Because having it all also means we have to do it all.

A women’s work is never done

While this article is no way intended as a barb aimed at dads, it is inevitable that the majority of the practical and mental load of child-rearing falls to the mother.

We step up to deal with the little crises; the shoes that no longer fit, the doctors appointment that needs to be made, the school uniform that has to be laid out the night before.

While I have no doubt there are households where the man takes the lead role in these life admin tasks, for many families it is the mother who assumes this role of household organiser.

More than that, it’s often the mother that WANTS to do these things. I want to do the things, however menial, that make me feel like I’m doing my best for my kids.

Cue the never-ending life admin

With all of this life admin, coupled with the school or nursery run and not to mention the hands-on role that being a mother entails, it’s a full-time job that creates enough mental load in itself.

Before Coronavirus, many working mothers had already been at breaking point. Even with flexible work, it’s like being on a treadmill that never ends as you race seamlessly from work to family and back again with no chance to pause and take a breather.

Then lockdown happened. Suddenly millions of families were not only required to keep working to maintain their jobs and keep putting food on the table, but adding to the mental load they also had to step up to educate their children.

An educated guess

And by and large that responsibility for being the educator fell to mothers across the country.

Of course all parents had to take on more childcare during the pandemic. But figures how that 43 per cent of women had to combine working at home and childcare, while the figure was 29 per cent for men.

Even now with schools back open for business the pressure is simmering away as Covid-19 continues to disrupt the childcare system.

Some children are being sent home to isolate because they have suspected or confirmed Coronavirus. Some are being sent home because their school doesn’t have enough staff to keep their class open.

Statistics from an ICM survey showed two in five working mothers are now struggling to find the childcare that they need.

As we move closer to winter this pressure is likely to reach boiling point. And yet mothers will carry on, whatever the mental load, because what is the alternative?

That treadmill runs fast

Falling off the end of it is not an option. And so we keep on running, no matter what life throws at us.

This pandemic is an unprecedented situation. Everyone has had to make sacrifices.

Time for change

But for working mothers, this should be a wake-up call to society that we cannot continue shouldering the burden of having it all.

If working mothers are to have any hope of having it all, we need more recognition of the mental load we carry for society.

We need greater access to flexible work. And once we have it, we should not be looked down upon as being the weak link in the office just because we have to leave at 3pm on the dot.

Childcare needs to be more affordable. The existing system goes some way, but there are huge flaws in the childcare funding that make monthly bills unaffordable for some families.

Taking care of you

And we as mothers need to take a step back and have a good look at ourselves in the mirror. What changes do we need to make to take care of ourselves better?

We want to do it all. Because we want to have it all. But the question is, how long can we carry on like this?

Author bio

Vicky Smith is a mother of two young daughters and works as a PR consultant and blogger. Her blog The Mummy Bubble offers SOS tips and hacks on pregnancy, babies and toddlers.

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