An open letter to the mum who feels like a failure

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Today I had one of those days, you know one of THOSE days, the ones where you are that mum feeling overwhelmed, that mum feeling unappreciated, that mum feeling lonely – that mum who just want to get back into bed and cry under the covers. The ones where you wonder – am I the only one hating this moment so much, hating the way I am acting so much? No, I know behind closed doors this is definitely not the case, as we all vow to keep a stiff upper a lip and march on through the dark days of parenthood. And so I wrote this letter as a bit of self therapy, but too all other mums who need to hear this right now too….

To the mum who feels like a failure

You, yes you, you try so hard but sometimes, some days, everything you do gets thrown back in your face. It doesn’t mater what you do, how you try, everything is wrong and broken.

You plan for a nice day out – your child acts up all morning. You strive hard to cook something your fussy eater will eat – it gets thrown back in your face. Everything you say, do and think is met with disapproval, disgust and contradiction. You are worn down, exhausted.

All you want to do is enjoy being a mother so much, but you hate the way it is making you feel and behave today, and other days beyond that.

You’re sick of having to tell your children off all the time, this isn’t what you signed up for. Where is the love? You lost it in front of other people. You have said mean things to your children. You have been pushed to your outer limits and there is just no more room. There is just no more nice! Nothing left – the bucket has filled up, fallen over and spilled all over the floor. You are in a dark place and wish to be silent in a hole forever more.

Yes, today you feel like a failure, I know only too well. But remember this now – tomorrow, you can just as well feel like a hero. Have a big glass of wine and a huge piece of cake, go to bed early, and know that this too shall pass – in the meantime, you are doing enough, the best you can do – I’ve got your back.

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Domesticated Momster
Mami 2 Five


  1. Thats very kind and supportive. 🙂 I used to think of the bad days as milestones, steps in the great escalator of life. Seriously though the bad days come often enough as a tussle between you and a child who is ready to take something else on and for parent to let go of something, or at least begin to. Life is like waves, and then there are tides etc…….

    • I do find that after bad days, milestones come, but it doesn’t feel like a milestone at the time, more a crisis point! But definitely agree with the cycle of waves and tides…x

  2. This is brilliant Talya,I have soooo many days like this.It’s hard not to say stuff it sometimes.Of course I drag myself up and get on with it because at the end of the day my kids are my world x

  3. I have had plenty of days like this! But equally I’ve had plenty of fabulous days too and this is what motivates us all. Everything has to have an opposite…good day/bad day. Salty /sweet…wine/tea. As much as we’d love to drink wine all day, we need the opposite (tea) to make us appreciate the wine. Plus you can always stick a biscuit in the tea so it’s not all bad.
    I guess stick some wine on the side of a bad day and you’ll be laughing!
    Great post x

  4. Definitely been there! Not had one in a while… So
    Probably due one any day! Bad nights though? That’s another story… My tactic to bad days is to apply music and impromptu kitchen dancing. Works every time to turn frowns upside down 😉 x MMT

  5. Aaaargh – you are describing me yesterday. Went to bed feeling like a real troll. What was so special about yesterday I wonder! Hope you’ve had a better day today/tomorrow. I am also very much of the belief that something wonderful is about to happen after a particularly bad day strikes. Nicky

    • Yes thank goodness it’s got much better! I think sometimes you have to hit rock bottom to come out a better version of yourself, at least that’s what I have been telling myself haha

  6. I wonder if we drove our parents crazy. I know mine shouted a lot A LOT and yet if I’m honest, I know I’m worse. I swore for years I wouldn’t become that person. This isn’t the first time you’ve written about finding it hard. I feel for you. I can’t offer a magic pill. I hope there are some good days too Hon x

    • I know that I did. Coming round to bite me in on the bum big styleee! If you have no magic pills, how about a tonic? x

  7. Sorry to hear you had such a bad day. I know how you feel! But as you say, tomorrow you will be a hero. Some days life gives you sh*t sandwiches. All you can do is go with it knowing that nothing is permanent x

  8. Liking this a lot. I had one of those days last week. There were tantrums, poo and more poo – yes, I mean poo. In the middle of being covered in the aforementioned poo, trying to juggle the baby and desperately attempting to stop the Tot standing in it, I screamed. I’ve never done that before. I hated myself immediately but everyone has their point of no return. Things got a bit better after that and, yes, there was wine 🙂 Sending positive vibes over the web x

  9. This is so me. I have four children and the every day stress of life often gets to me. I go to bed of an evening feeling like a failure!! I think I might join you on the glass of wine, maybe even a bottle!!! xx

    • I have to say that being a mum of 4 children is an achievement in itself, so next time you feel like a failure remember that. I feel like this sometimes with only one!!! Cheers to that glass of wine!

      • I think just being a Mum full stop is an achievement isn’t it! To make it through the day with our sanity relatively intact deserves a toast right there! Youre doing a great job, high five Mama!! xx

  10. This is an important lesson for all mums. You sum up wonderfully how the bad days feel, but there is always a new tomorrow. #momsterslink

  11. So true. Some days are so completely rubbish for all sorts reasons, starting afresh the next day is good advice and kind words at the end about the support…if we need it it’s there isn’t it, we just sometimes need to reach out and ask for it. #momsterslink

  12. Oh my goodnes.. yes – this today! 🙁 Thank you for this. It has not been the best of days I became the shouting harpy and I hate it, but tomorrow is a new day and we have an outing planned. Thanks for sharing this x #momsterslinkup

  13. So sorry to hear that you had a bad day but thank you for sharing this – it is always good to know that we are not alone in having days when we shout, lose it in front of other people and say mean things. I know that feeling of wanting to go and hide somewhere dark – as you say though, the moments do pass and tomorrow is another day x

  14. Thank you for sharing! What an honest and true post! I always remind myself and my friends of this during those bad days that seem like they will never end. On maternity leave, I remember how up and down the days were. One day my husband would come home and I would be like, “let’s have ten others right now!” Then, the next day, he would cheerfully walk in and I would be in tears, my son in tears and if my dog could cry, he would have been too…ha ha… Great post and cheers to that large glass of wine and a better day tomorrow =) #momsterslink

  15. very beautifully said. We all feel like failures from time to time (usually about once or twice a day >.<), so sometimes we need to hear someone tell us that we are not in fact failures and are doing ok..

    • Thanks lovely – absolutely. And if we can take our bad experiences to make someone else feeling bad then all the better for it.

  16. It’s always such a relief to hear others are going through the same thing you are. It’s a relief to know that the problem is not “you”. There are moments I hate being a mom and then immediately after thinking that, guilt comes crashing down on top of all the other bad feelings. Just to make you feel even worse. This letter is such lovely reminder that bad days come to everyone and then they end. Wonderful post! #momsterslink

    • No, the problem is definitely not you, it is being a mum ! haha…but seriously can you think of anything that has ever tested you so much day in day out? It is no wonder we can feel that way some days…x

  17. It’s no wonder we feel like this sometimes, the pressure we can be under sometimes is so intense. Sharing is so important, it’s those that can’t share such feelings that may really struggle long term.

    And wine. Lots of wine.

    • I think it happens in clusters and then you have a total meltdown and reboot. Time to reboot then!!!! Remember tomorrow is a new day…and hopefully it won’t be…the same!

  18. Sometimes I feel like the days turn into weeks. Can I have a whole cake and the whole bottle of wine…I don’t think a piece and a glass are going to fix it lol. Motherhood is just a real pain in the arse sometimes. But you are right tomorrow is a new day :o) Great post my friend and thank you for sharing it with #momsterslink.

  19. Lovely post Talya, I think we’re often too hard on ourselves as parents we don’t expect anyone else to be perfect but we do ourselves and put too much pressure on. Doing the best you can do is all you can do and we all need to accept that. Thanks for linking up to #PicknMix it’s open again at 7am tomorrow 🙂
    Stevie x

  20. I think all parents have felt like this at one point or another. It’s always good to know we are not the only ones who feel like this. Thanks for linking up with #sundaystars x

  21. We definitely all have moments like this, I am having them more than I should at the moment and it does make you feel awful. I think being reminded it is normal goes some way to helping. Also, giving in to the small things takes the pressure off, I have started just giving the kids meals i know they will eat and cooking adventurous dishes just for myself for example! Keep going love! x #sundaystars

    • I think it’s so important to take the pressure off yourself when you get a string of these days. We need to be kinder to ourselves when they rain on us because it’s the only way out of the flood….Hope things improve for you hon x

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