Would you ever allow your partner to donate sperm?

allow your partner to donate sperm

There can be nothing more altruistic in this life, surely. Letting your partner go forth and donate his sperm to a sperm bank in the hope that it will to fuel someone’s dreams of becoming parents. But as idyllic as this dream may sound to some, how many of us would be entirely selfless, and put any notions of sons and daughters who might be turning up on your doorstep in later life firmly to one side, for the benefit of someone else’s unfulfilled desire to procreate?

Well it’s just as well that stem cells scientists have managed to create an artificial version of sperm in the lab, because most of us would find our partner donating sperm a hard thing to erm….excuse the pun, swallow, with most parent bloggers remaining uncomfortable about the idea and what it could bring later on in life:

FOR

I’d happily ‘allow’ it if he wanted to do it, it’s his sperm after all! There are so many people out there who aren’t able to have kids without a donor! – Belle Du Brighton 

“I think I would  – I have seen the struggle some people go through to have children and to see them have what I have with my daughter would be amazing.” – Beauties and the Bibs

AGAINST

“I wouldn’t want my husband to donate sperm because I wouldn’t want someone turning up at 18 trying to find out who he was. We already have a baby and don’t really want to extend our family in an unusual manner. I don’t think anything is anonymous these days…Also, I asked my husband and he said he wouldn’t do it…!” – Katy Kicker 

“I did egg donation when I was a student and broke but now I wouldn’t consider it (I’m too old anyway) and I wouldn’t be happy about my husband doing it either because they changed the laws and children can trace their biological parents now. I have no issue with them being given pertinent info like health or genetic stuff but the idea of someone coming to find him and saying “hey, you’re my dad” when the reality is, sperm donation is an altruistic thing to help someone else, not wanting to then have the responsibility for children you may not have planned or wanted.” – The House of Mad Cats and Babies 

“I don’t think I would like it either, the regulations have changed and I don’t think its all anonymous like it once was. But, I don’t know enough about it to make a proper decision. Its hard as I have my children and they make me so entirely happy and complete and I would love an childless couple to experience that too.”- The Mum Diaries 

“I wouldn’t want him to do it I’m afraid. The thought of another woman being pregnant with his baby would be too much: rightly or wrongly. Let alone his child being brought up by a stranger.” – Muma on The Edge 

“As nice as the idea is I think I’d feel so much jealousy towards him fathering someone else’s children because he’s father to our girls! That would mean my girls would have siblings they would probably never know.” – The Smallest of Things 

“It’s not something I would feel comfortable with. Why? It’s no longer the case that you can do so and not potentially have that child turn up in your life later down the line. I think it’s a real shame that that’s the case as it prevents men from helping those in need of sperm donation genuinely. I also think I’d struggle knowing my child had siblings out there that we wouldn’t know!” – Devon Mama

“I would never do it, even paid. I don’t want children that I don’t know about – that’s the main concern. The possibility that I could walk past my own child in the street and not even know or look twice is harrowing. Doesn’t seem right.” – The Honest Father 

“I’m a massive hypocrite because although I wouldn’t want my partner to donate sperm, my ex husband and I did use donor sperm during fertility treatment after losing my son Joseph. We were so desperate and at the time it was our only option. I often wonder how I would feel about that now, had any of those babies survived, and how my ex husband would have felt too. Looking back it was the wrong decision for a grieving couple to make.  In terms of my husband donating, I would hate to think that my children had siblings out there that they didn’t know about. It’s just all of those what ifs, always wondering whether they would want to trace him later in life too.” – Five Little Doves 

ON THE FENCE

“I wouldn’t have an issue if it was truly anonymous and helped someone have a much wanted baby. However, it would  concern me if they turned up at 18 wanting something.” – Coffee Cake and Kids 
“My niece was born due to the generosity of a sperm donor so I’m so glad the facility does exist otherwise my brother-in-law may not have experienced fatherhood in the same way as he’s not able to have children biologically of his own. That said, I’m quite glad they didn’t ask my husband to donate. I’m not sure I’d be able to quite get my head around that. Thankfully, my husband is on the same page as me and said even if he’d been asked, he wouldn’t have been comfortable with it.” – Little Pickle’s Mom

“I find this such a hard one to make a decision on – like so many others above I wouldn’t want a truth bomb turning up on our doorstep in years to come, searching for a connection and potentially being crushed by what they would or would not find, but at the same time – would I really want to deny others of their chance to become parents? It’s such a tough one. – Motherhood: The Real Deal

So when it comes to the question of whether you would allow your partner to donate sperm (or indeed donate it yourself!), the worry of “what if?” later on down the line, for many, is just too big a risk to take, even though deep down you know you would really be helping a couple to follow their dreams of becoming parents.

So would you allow your partner to donate their sperm? Which camp do you sit in? Please do leave a comment and share your views.

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14 comments

  1. This is so interesting Talya, I think it’s one of those things that really gets you thinking. I sound even more of a hypocrite because had one of our donor babies survived, my child would have sibings, and a biological father, out there that they didn’t know about. In that way my reasoning as to why I wouldn’t want my husband donating now just doesn’t make sense. Thanks for this, has really opened my eyes to it all. xxx
    five little doves recently posted…The lessons I learned in 2016My Profile

  2. Balanced views on all sides, and there is no right answer, just what ever couples feel comfortable with. I started off by thinking that there is no way I would agree to my husband doing it, and yes that probably is selfish, but then I wouldn’t donate my eggs either. But then, if it is anonymous would it really matter? Tough question, and one I would have to seriously consider if it came up (excuse the pun), I just hope it’s one I never have too!
    Welsh Cakes and Wellies recently posted…Beautiful Bryngarw ParkMy Profile

  3. This is a really difficult debate, my husband had now had the snip as we’ve completed our family. I’d like to think if he could he’d be helping out another couple however I wouldn’t like it if a child could be tracked back to him.
    Lisa Backsnbumps recently posted…Going back to workMy Profile

  4. Oh wow i think i would be on the fence with this one, im not sure either way and its not something we have ever thought about. Too late now as hes had the snip so a non issue but something we would have to both sit down and discuss all the options to.

  5. Interesting debate. I have had friends who have both had egg donation and sperm donation for their children and I am totally in favour of the donation of both egg and sperm x

  6. In this case, my partner is my wife so she hasn’t got sperm to donate. As the bloke, I’ve had the snip, so those days are gone.

    In principal, I think in all honesty that I would have had some difficulty in agreeing to donate sperm. Having had three kids of my own, I find it sad to think that there was another child out there somewhere which was biologically mine but whom I didn’t get to ‘parent’.
    Grant R recently posted…Music I Made – #01 – WinterMy Profile

  7. Excellent blog! Do you have any hints for aspiring writers? I’m planning to start my own website soon but I’m a little lost on everything. Would you suggest starting with a free platform like WordPress or go for a paid option? There are so many options out there that I’m completely overwhelmed .. Any suggestions? Kudos!
    http://studytip.eu

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