Those of you who follow my blog will know that my daughter started school this year. In many ways, this couldn’t have come sooner. She was ready, and I was ready. But now we’re approaching half term, the fact is…I have to admit..I have been missing her so much.
I miss spending quality time with her.
I miss our little chats.
I miss our cuddles.
I feel that our lives have been condensed into a rushed hour in the morning and a couple of hours in the evening because most days after school, we will head to the playground or similar because I believe that kids need to burn off that steam after school.
It’s so hard knowing about her – her thoughts, her feelings, her experiences. They tumble out of her mouth by accident just before she goes to bed when – if we were adults – we would sit up all night talking. But she’s four, and she’s shattered, and it’s bedtime.
How have we gone from two peas in a pod over the summer to strangers passing in the night? I feel the gap between us is so huge. We make up for it over the weekend, then drift apart again.
I’m the mum who has become focused on getting her out of the door on time for the school run, nagging her to remember everything, getting her fed, “managing her life” and I feel like all those beautiful precious moments have been squeezed into nano seconds here and there.
They are just not enough.
She’s having a great time at school and I’m so happy for her but the truth is – as selfish as this might sound – I’m the one who is still adjusting. I feel like all the hard work put into nurturing our relationship is just slowing ebbing away with every school day. And yet I know this is only natural.
I know things will eventually work themselves out but right now, I need to find ways to re-enforce our bond. I need to create ways of spending more special time together, more rituals, in the condensed time we have. I need to hug her more, love her more, and reassure her more in those seemingly fleeting moments we have together. I need to re-connect so we are not busy moaning at each other after a hard day at school when all I want to do is hold her close.
And it’s not like I’m sitting around all day wallowing in self pity. I’m busy. I’m working. On so many levels I’m fulfilled. Everyday whooshes past me in a whirlwind or work and to-dos, but there’s a hole inside me, and I need to find a way to patch it up.
Did your child start school this year? Do you miss them? Please do leave a comment and share how you feel.