Is your toddler not speaking yet? You’re not alone. About one in 8 children under the age of five has a speech delay. Children are considered late-talking when they reach 24 months of age and are not using 50 or more words with word combinations, such as “Mama come”.
You’ll know if you have a late talker because of the behaviours you are seeing instead of speech. Common late-talker communication behaviours include pulling parents around, physical gestures and pantomime, throwing and banging objects, and of course, tantrums to “tell you” about their drama.
Language facilitation strategies help parents teach a toddler not speaking yet how to turn their non-verbal communication into the words they need to express their ever-growing needs, feelings, and creative ideas.
Bribing kids to talk gets them to say words, but it doesn’t teach the speech you’re looking for
Toddlers not speaking yet are smart. They know parents are great at guessing what they want and they think talking is hard. That’s why late-talkers train you to understand all of their non-verbal communication, right down to their facial expressions and even time of day they poop. They trust you to respond to their communication and meet their needs just as you have done their whole life. Bribery causes a child to distrust and stop listening. When parents clearly understand a child’s wants by holding it up in front of them and then hesitate to give the item without a performance, they quit trusting you as a helpful resource and get the item themselves.
Toddlers naturally learn to talk by watching and listening to the people around them
When they see others using speech to get their needs met, and communicate complex feelings more effectively with words, they become motivated to memorize those words. Then, when the child finds themselves in a similar situation later, they will “try out” those words (instead of behaviour) to see if they can actually get you to understand what they are thinking about. The key is to teach your child the words they need to convey their unique ideas.
How do parents get toddlers not speaking yet to want to listen to them talking for 2-3 hours per day?
Think about what causes you to want to listen to the people you love. Everybody starts listening to people when they are talking about our problems. Most parents of late-talkers already “know” the reason for their child’s drama before the tantrum even starts. In fact, parents feel the need to become mind readers by analyzing everything their child has ever wanted before to predict when a child will have a reaction as well as potential solutions to avoid it. The language facilitation strategy is to verbalize the problems and ideas you know your child is thinking about. This tells the child that you understand and empathize with their needs and triggers better listening and offers the opportunity to provide language models for the words they need. For example, when a late-talker is observed coming into the kitchen, try talking about how the child is hungry or looking for a snack (their problem) before offering food choices.
Parents of toddlers not speaking yet should realize that your accurate “guessing” means that your child is communicating messages to you
All behaviour is communication. The language facilitation strategy is to literally say what you see or even guess what your child is communicating with their actions. Say a whole sentence, out loud, right in the moment, and talk through your activities like a play-by-play announcer. “You are here looking for some food because it is almost time for lunch and you are hungry. I will give you some pasta.” If your child is upset about anything, even because you said “no”, talk about that too. Your child’s drama is important and they want to learn how to use words to tell you. Sometimes your interpretation may not be accurate. If you guess wrong, your child will tell you with their behaviour. The key here is to own your mistake, stop guessing, and tell your child you don’t understand them. You will be surprised at how hard your toddler of few words will work with their behaviour and or try to say the words they know. There’s nothing a child wants more than to be understood.
Toddlers not speaking yet need attractive and fun language models to help get and keep their attention
The way you talk to your late-talking toddler matters. Nobody enjoys listening to people talk when they use boring and repetitive, or aggressive and threatening speech. Think about the speech your child responds to the best. If your late-talker is highly exposed to tech, they may find songs and rhymes or character voices a lot more interesting and attractive than the humans around them talking. Parents always get better listening when they have fun with their speech. It’s important to include a variety of inflection and emotion in your voice. Play with sounds, words, and songs as you talk with your child and use a lot of age-appropriate and common expressions such as “You did it!” and “Hey, That’s my chocolate biscuit!”
Slower speech models help your child’s natural speech emerge faster
It is always easier to listen to and process speech that is spoken more slowly. So, it is best to talk super slow (2-3 times as slow as you do normally) while you provide the language models you want your child to learn. Slow talking allows you time to catch your child’s attention as well as time for them to process and memorize all of the words you are saying in context. That’s why super-slow speech is an important key language facilitation strategy. For example, if you are in a hurry or you are trying to calm your child, slow and deliberate speech models will direct your child’s attention to the importance of your message and trigger active listening so the words have a lot better chance of being understood and having your directions followed.
Parents who make a plan to use 2-3 hours of everyday activities as language facilitation opportunities during your natural, everyday activities can turn even the most distant toddler into an active listener fast. Over a few weeks, your child will shift into speech learning mode.
About
Marci Melzer, M.Ed./SLP is an Intuitive Speech-Language Pathologist Consultant who has been helping people develop the ability to use spoken language functionally for three decades. As a speech therapist, Marci found the health care system to be increasingly disempowering for both herself and her clients. She has now established herself as an online global influencer and resource, helping parents teach their children to talk themselves through her Waves of Communication platform. Marci is the author of If It Isn’t Fun, It Isn’t Fun: Teach Your Child to Talk Faster than Speech Therapy. Visit her website or connect with her on YouTube.
Photo by Paige Cody on Unsplash
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