We all know that parenting is hard. Raising kids is a full-time job and an emotional one at that. The daily challenges — from tantrums to fights to friends leaving the nest — are enough to give any parent sleepless nights. But, as a parent, you’re probably well aware of the countless moments you wish you could have back. A moment when your child was so proud of you for volunteering at their school or taking them shopping for new clothes didn’t feel so awkward; a time they shared their first smile with you; or their first words. Those special moments in your child’s life are what make growing up so difficult to watch.
Now my daughter is nine and hurtling towards secondary school, I have been feeling all of the above in spades lately. I’ve been reflecting on it a lot, and the result is this post on the why watching your child growing up is so bittersweet.
You can’t keep up with their growth
Your child literally seems to grow overnight! I’ve lost count of the times I’ve looked at my daughter’s face which seemed to totally change shape during a night’s sleep, or how darn long her legs seem to get in a mere week! It’s so hard to watch your child physically mature because it feels like only yesterday they were a baby in your arms. You so desperately wish you could turn back time to keep them as little as possible. But, at the same time, you celebrate that they’re becoming a separate person and you have to accept that they don’t want to be kept as a child forever….because well, that would be just weird!
Not wanting to let go of their childhood
You look back at photos and videos of your child at about 2 years old and think, “My god, my child was so small and so dependent on me back then.” You can’t believe how quickly time goes by, and you never want it to stop. But, at the same time, you know that your child is growing up at an alarming rate. And that’s scary, but it’s also exciting. You smile every time you see a change in your child, even if it’s the first time they get a few hairs under their armpit or their frame matures that little bit more. You can’t help but be proud of everything your child has accomplished so far because, as parents, you were lucky enough to give your child that start and made them what they are today.
They just look so old now
When your child was say, five,, you may have thought, “He has a few more years to grow,” or “He’s still so young.” But once your child becomes a teenager or a teenager you’re like, “Damn! She/he looks so old!” You’re constantly reminded of your child’s age by new things like their moods, attitude or hormones changing. You’re constantly reminded of your child’s age by the knowledge that they’re growing up and becoming more independent. Then there are all those physical changes you see in them. It is so utterly bittersweet to see your child growing up and looking more and more like an adult every day.
They say hurtful things
You may have heard that children say the meanest things, but you have no idea how hurtful they really are until they say it to your face. It can feel like they have given you a good slap! You’re constantly shocked by what your child has to say or how they choose to say it. At the wrong time, their words can be sharper than the sharpest knife.
You want to tell your child over and over again that they’re not allowed to say hurtful things. You want to tell your child that everything they say has an effect on other people and everything they do matters. But, as a parent, you’re just trying to teach your child the rules of how to act. Those hurtful words are all part of that journey of growing up. But trying not to take it personally takes every inch of power you have inside.
They take on more responsibility – and it can be scary!
Watching your children grow up is one of the most rewarding experiences you’ll ever have. But watching them take on more and more independence is definitely a scary thing, though also incredibly rewarding. As they grow older, they start to become more self-sufficient. This is a big moment for them – it means that they’re learning to trust and rely on themselves. It also means that they’re becoming more independent and capable of taking care of themselves and that they need you less and less each day – sob!
Your child probably won’t take your advice
Parents often think that their advice is the best advice, and that children should always listen to them. But in reality, as children grow up they don’t want to listen to their parents. They just want to be independent. They want to learn what they think is best for them, and they don’t want their parents to control everything, despite what you may or may not think is best. One of the things that is SO hard at this time is giving your children space – and not try to control everything. So how can we handle this as parents? If your child is struggling with a decision, let them know that you’re there for them, but don’t try to force them into anything. Instead, let them figure things out for themselves. And if they ever do decide that they want to talk to you about something important, don’t be afraid to listen. They do still need you even though they may act like they don’t!
They will make mistakes and take risks
As parents, we want our children to grow up to be responsible and independent adults. But it’s not always easy to watch them make mistakes and take risks, but one thing you can be confident of is that there will be plenty of those. Yes, we want them to be safe, but we also want them to learn from their experiences. And sometimes, that means letting them experience life on their own terms. Unfortunately, this can be hard to do as we struggle against the urge to fix everything, or we might feel like we’re not allowed to let them fail. The bottom line is we need to stand back and let our children make mistakes and take risks even if it goes against every grain of our being.. And the more supportive we are, the more likely our children are to learn and grow.
With all of the above said no matter how big and gangly they are looking, or how moody and sassy they are behaving, deep down inside you know they will always be your babies. And it is that right there that makes watching your kids grow up so painfully hard yet beautiful all at the same time.
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