Being a parent is like a secret club where the initiations are universal, often cruel, somewhat monstrous and for the most part, kept secret. While the parenthood experience itself may be so different in many ways, the learnings we all go through in are pretty much standard but could absolutely not be fathomed before you had entered the parenthood club.
And quite frankly, if anyone told you any of the below before you had joined the parenthood club what would you have done…blinked blankly at them? Laughed in their face? Politely ignored them? Slapped them? Precisely. That is why there are some things only parents will….and can….know:
- Poo really is the Houdini of bodily outputs, and can get out of anything and into anywhere
- Sleep deprivation is a very effective form of torture
- After that comes needing to go to the toilet when your child is asleep on you
- Witnessing projectile vomiting in your child is simultaneously disgusting and quite impressive
- Being a parent really is the most romantic notion, that is until you become one
- The law of sod really is the most powerful law in effect once you’re a parent
- Being up at 5am on a weekend is punishment in its finest form
- The minute you act the teeniest big smug is the moment the s*** will fly in your face
- You will never have noisy sex in the house ever again
- Having children already can be a really useful form of contraception
- Being ill never sucked so much – don’t you even dare try to entertain being poorly
- Caffeine is your only salvation
- And wine is your only cure
- Weekends are no longer the end of the week
- and hell hath no fury like a kid having a temper tantrum
Of course, being a parent is a massive journey. My journey has only lasted two and half years at time of writing and so I envisage this being a series of sorts but in the meantime, I’d love to hear what you’d add to this list…
*Like what you’ve read today? Oh go on, don’t be shy…give it a little Tweet, share, +1 or Pin folks…you’ll know I’ll love you forever for it!
**And if you’re a mum and reeling from all of the above and could do with a place to process it all without any judgement, check out the #Mommitment Facebook page and group – it could be just what you’re looking for….