Parenting truths: 15 things only parents can know (part 1)

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Being a parent is like a secret club where the initiations are universal, often cruel, somewhat monstrous and for the most part, kept secret. While the parenthood experience itself may be so different in many ways, the learnings we all go through in are pretty much standard but could absolutely not be fathomed before you had entered the parenthood club.

And quite frankly, if anyone told you any of the below before you had joined the parenthood club what would you have done…blinked blankly at them? Laughed in their face? Politely ignored them? Slapped them? Precisely. That is why there are some things only parents will….and can….know:

  1. Poo really is the Houdini of bodily outputs, and can get out of anything and into anywhere
  2. Sleep deprivation is a very effective form of torture
  3. After that comes needing to go to the toilet when your child is asleep on you
  4. Witnessing projectile vomiting in your child is simultaneously disgusting and quite impressive
  5. Being a parent really is the most romantic notion, that is until you become one
  6. The law of sod really is the most powerful law in effect once you’re a parent
  7. Being up at 5am on a weekend is punishment in its finest form
  8. The minute you act the teeniest big smug is the moment the s*** will fly in your face
  9. You will never have noisy sex in the house ever again
  10. Having children already can be a really useful form of contraception
  11. Being ill never sucked so much – don’t you even dare try to entertain being poorly
  12. Caffeine is your only salvation
  13. And wine is your only cure
  14. Weekends are no longer the end of the week
  15. and hell hath no fury like a kid having a temper tantrum

Of course, being a parent is a massive journey. My journey has only lasted two and half years at time of writing and so I envisage this being a series of sorts but in the meantime, I’d love to hear what you’d add to this list…

*Like what you’ve read today? Oh go on, don’t be shy…give it a little Tweet, share, +1 or Pin folks…you’ll know I’ll love you forever for it! 

**And if you’re a mum and reeling from all of the above and could do with a place to process it  all without any judgement, check out the #Mommitment Facebook page and group – it could be just what you’re looking for….

You Baby Me Mummy
Let's Talk Mommy
A Cornish Mum


    • Haha I was just ill having looked after my sick toddler and what did she do?? Bash me over the head with Lego. Nice. Hope you’re feeling better lovely x

  1. There are so many aspects of parenting that we cant know until we are one. I agree with all of these. 9 years on it is less intensive (unless they are ill) but things change. Only other parents can know the despair of spending a weekend morning attempting to get a reluctant 6 yr old to do his homework when he doesn’t see the point in writing, the Romans or designing a poster, knowing that it will all happen again next weekend. Great post Talya

  2. I basically went down your list and in my head went tick, tick, tick against each one. The weekend one and the not being able to be ill one are definitely the worst for me. Loved my weekend lie-ins (sob). #sharewithme

  3. Absolutely agreeing to each and every one of these Brilliance in its finest that us parents know what we have and know what used to have. lol Thank you for stopping by LTM and linking up to SWM. I hope to see you again tomorrow for another great round of #sharewithme

  4. Definitely all about sleep. ‘They’ told me I would miss my sleep…but it did not prepare me for the bone weary, body aching fog that became my existence for a few years…But of course… does get better…but I fear I may never sleep in again. #coolmumclub

  5. Where’s the bit about hiding your cake and chocolate?? So so so true…I could so so so relate. Thanks for hosting #coolmumclub

  6. Ha love it! I was lucky enough to be blessed with two great heavy sleepers…only downside is they have been known to sleep walk..One whilst throwing up I don’t think he missed a room. .. yuck! Thanks for linking up to #Picknmix lovely
    Stevie x

  7. This is another brilliant post. There’s nothing worse than being told by a doctor that you really need to stay in bed and get lots of rest when you’ve got little people at home! #coolmumclub

  8. Yes to all of these! Especially the one about the weekend no longer being the end of the week. All the weeks just kind of roll into one don’t they. No such thing as a weekend when you’re a parent, especially if you’re a stay at home mum. Every day is the same.

    Thanks for hosting #coolmumclub

  9. All just so painfully true! When you say “ooh shall we have a baby?” None of these things even enter your head! And if somebody tries to tell you, you don’t believe them and just think that they’re a bit grumpy. And then parenthood happens and this is just your life! In 15 very well worded parts! Fabulous x #coolmumclub

  10. Couldn’t stop laughing from beginning to end! I’ve just got one more to add… a hangover with children is just not worth it. Ever. Full stop. x

  11. The pain and glory of parenthood. The only thing I would add is that Mother Nature is a trickster ‘cos you soon forget how all-consuming it is and have another baby and then perhaps another….(not my though, I got twins first time!!!) #CoolMumsClub

  12. Wine and tea for me. And oh being ill is a sad thing now. Except (and I know I’m a bad person for this) but I do quite enjoy being ill IF the right support is around…I had terrible food poisoning on holiday this year. It was horrid, but I had the most relaxing few days, i lay in bed, lay in the garden, lay on the beach read about 3 books etc etc. I was ill, promise! #coolmumclub

  13. It’s a tough life, haha! Made tougher for me as I try to give up my salvation, caffeine. On the upside, nearly done with breastfeeding, so the cure (wine) may be making a regular return soon!

  14. Definitely 5!!!! Followed closely by 13 and 14 at the top of my list!! Our friends told us all of these things, we should’ve listened…! I’d do anything to feel the Friday feeling again!!! All of your posts are so amazing!

  15. And thanks to everyone for all your awesome comments you really do make me feel so loved you help to ease the blow of the WHY DIDN’T ANYBODY TELL ME!! haha xx

  16. Lol #4 made me chuckle – yes it is gross but also kind of impressive too! And yes, sleep deprivation is indeed torture and being ill once you are a parent really does suck (and I have always been incredibly thankful for the wonder of CBeebies whenever that happens – it’s worked wonders when I just want to lie on the sofa and not do very much!) And as for caffeine being our salvation – I gave up coffee for Lent this year and it was pure hell – I managed it through sheer stubbornness but I am NEVER. DOING. THAT. AGAIN! 🙂

  17. This post is everything! Wine really is the cure. Unfortunately I don’t drink coffee (wish I could) but when I was pregnant I tried a cup and I was sick, total off put now! Everyone tells me it’s a mothers holy grail! Good think I like red bull! Fantastic post lovely! So true. #coolmumclub

  18. Yes to all of this! Sleep deprivation, especially in the early days, is the Worst. And 10 – I remember a midwife asking me about contraception just after I’d given birth to twins. I laughed in her face. Coffee is my friend. And wine. Yes, wine. That too. Thanks for this post and for #coolmumclub

  19. Yes – and yes to the comment about having to hide the chocolate … and in ever more ingenious places the older (and taller) they get. Gave up after my eldest outgrew me 😉
    Another is breathing a little sigh of relief when the last one leaves home (than come back again, and again, and …?) Somehow ‘marital relations’ are even more strained when you are aware that they know EXACTLY what you are doing 😉
    … but eventually they are grown, have left home, and peace returns – and amazingly you find that the “dear darlings” are now lovely adults that you enjoy spending time with when they do visit

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