From social queen to milk queen: The mum identity crisis

mum identity crisis

If you were one of those people who needed to “get it all out of my system first” before embarking on motherhood, much like myself, then it’s likely that you might have been slightly at odds with your new motherly self.

Suddenly you’re slap bang in the middle of a dramatic transformation

from a bar-loving, outfit-angsting, social diva with too many friends to keep up with; to a milk-oozing, in bed-by-9pm, fleece-wearing, greasy-haired monkey whose friends can now be counted on one – or two if you’re lucky – hands. But thankfully you are too tired to give much of a crap about that.

Mums-to-be who have visions of being that boho mummy who has her bubs discretely feeding in a sling whilst you groove to the sounds as you festival hop your way through summer – well I think I know of one or perhaps two people at a push who managed to pull that one off – and hats off to you! Oh and then there’s the other neigh impossible notion that you’ll be able to happily work from home or carry on with whatever you have dreams of doing as your little one happily plays beside you – again, a toughie.

Suddenly the idea of doing anything after 6pm apart from trying to catch up on some zzzzs or making batch becomes the most brain-crushing notion. Apart from your new sleep obsessed state, fuelled mainly by the lack of it and other relentless domestic and baby fuelled demands, your social life is in a desperate state and in dire need of resurrection. You begin to feel like the biggest flake on earth.

You try to get to grips with this new state of play

the gap between fellow mums and those still living the free and easy dream becomes a huge expanse, as apparently neither of you understand each other any more. It’s a bit like that horrible drifting feeling before a sad break up.

And then there’s the other part where you’re still supposed to be that foxy lady to your better half when a) you’re beyond harassed when he gets home from work b) you’re too worn out to remember where your nether region is anyway and c) quality “couple” time has dropped to below zero as the mummy and daddy roles reign supreme. Soon you’ll be found mostly scheming at how you might get just a few hours a week in just the two of you so you can remember who you both actually are as a couple.

But there’s good news, things do take a turn later on

as sleep becomes more bountiful (well, comparatively) and you finally emerge through the woods into your newfound self. Though the flippant youthful you is but a twinkle in your eye, you wriggle your way out of your chrysalis with not only just a few grey hairs for your trouble, but also a more confident, self-assured if slightly weary, new you who you realise, hasn’t really missed out on all that much anyway ;-).

bathroom refresh


  1. Great read! This was especially true when dealing with friends that don’t have kids. I just couldn’t keep up with them anymore and realized there was no other place I’d rather be then be a mom next to my son.

  2. Great post! I am feeling very lost in the woods at the minute but I am looking forward to coming out of the other side, it is a massive change in everything but it is the best thing ever too. I must say that spending the days with the daughter and my nights asleep are so much more fun than anything I did before she was born =)

  3. I really enjoyed reading your post. I am due with first baby in a few weeks and it’s also dawned on me last week that life will never be the same again… I kind of knew it already but not ‘consciously’ if that makes sense… so I’m mentally preparing to let go of life as we knew it and embrace the new exciting and scary journey ahead! #twinklytuesday

  4. Great post! I agree with all of this, and feel now that I have a split (3 ways) personality! I’m Mummy at home, on the school run etc, I’m ME when I’m out with friends which I can now do most weekends, and I’m professional me at work. I love that as my youngest is approaching 2 (in a couple of weeks) and my others are 6 & 4, I’m seeing light at the end of the tunnel!! Come on Mummy’s, you can do it!!!! x

  5. A fantastic post Talya, very funny! I have just linked a post about whether to have another baby (my son is 9 now) and you’ve reminded me why I’m not keen! It’s just so amazingly tough when they are little, I don’t know I have it in me to do it all again. I look forward to reading more posts. Tor x

    • Hi Tor glad you liked it! Gosh I read your post and I am having the same internal conflict..I am so with you on the I don’t know if I could do it all again…maybe we gave too much the first time!?! 😉 x

  6. Such a fab post and I an so relate to a lot of this! Second time round I am finding I am going through it all over again and it is definitely hard but at least this time i do know there is an end in sight where i will feel more like myself again! xx #thetruthabout

  7. Great post! I had the best of both worlds, I suppose, as most of my friends had already had their 2.4 children by the time I had the boys. So I didn’t have the ‘break-up’ scenario with them — just lots of support!

    I think I’ve had an easy run of things to be honest. We still did our festivals when the boys were tiny. They came to their first proper festival with us last year — they’ve just turned 2. I didn’t feel as though my life came to a grinding halt when they were born, I just felt as though they were joining me for the ride! Thanks so much for linking up with #TwinklyTuesday x

    Caro |

    • You know it’s so weird…I really had visions of carrying on as normal, including taking our little one to festivals etc but she wasn’t as easygoing as I hoped she would be…hoping that will change with age and we’ll be able to take her along some day – very envious! x

  8. I used to be such a party animal. I’m not sure if friends from a few years ago would recognize me now. Still in that chrysalis waiting to emerge changed and comfortable in my new role. Right now I’m still to knackered to do any changing.
    Thanks so much for linking up to #fartglitter x

    • Me too hon – literally I was the biggest party animal out…now I’m the biggest granny out. Not sure I’ll ever recover to be honest x

  9. I love this post!! I can’t quite get my head round how different being a mama has made me feel, how my priorities have changed and how distant I sometimes feel from friends who don’t have kids. You tell it how it is and make me laugh in the process!

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