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I’ve written countless posts about how motherhood is damn hard these days. It is, and I’m certainly not backtracking on that idea. But one thing I’ve learned in my eight – almost nine – years of motherhood is that no matter how miserable you might feel at times, there are always ways you can find the joy of motherhood again somewhere in the despair.

So for those dark days of boredom, loneliness and frustration, here are some small ways you can rediscover the joy of motherhood when you’re struggling.

Know the identity crisis is only temporary

Make peace with the fact that there will be another season where you get to do more of what you want to do. Motherhood is the most selfless of things. That can be a tough pill to swallow when we have spent the prequel to it being pretty selfish doing whatever we want in life. The transition hit me hard. But it didn’t last forever.

One of the things I realised with the benefit of hindsight is that you will have another time when the kids are not clinging to your ankles and waking you up multiple times at night, when they start to become more independent that you will find a new version of yourself again. It doesn’t happen overnight, but when you finally realise it’s happening, it does feel oh-so-sweet yet it tugs on your heartstrings too. Know that it’s there waiting for you, and you’ll find it easier to tap into the joy of motherhood.

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Ease up on the involved parenting

Always feel like you’re running around after the kids? We have become so kid-centric these days. I remember I felt my most miserable when trapped in a soft play. What adult wouldn’t? Instead find things that you enjoy, that they also will, rather than focusing your whole life around their pleasure.

This might be weekend visits to a National Trust site, or a Sunday roast, and stroll plus nature hunt for them. One of the best things we ever did was get our daughter into climbing so we could do something we enjoyed that she would too. Try re-framing how you spend your time. It changes things massively.

When the process of raising children has become so demanding, it’s about finding ways to make it less so. Reclaim the weekend again. Say no to any extracurricular activities on a Saturday or Sunday morning so you can instead all loll around in your pyjamas and actually have some semblance of a weekend.

Realise how quickly they grow up

It’s so annoying when people tell you the kids grow up so fast isn’t it? But it’s true. When you start looking at your children through the lens of the fact they will be a teen or leaving home in a blink of an eye, it really helps you to enjoy the now.

Feeling their little hand in yours, cuddles on the sofa, drawings and little love messages they thrust into your hand, early wake-ups, dancing around the kitchen to Baby Shark a million times on repeat, watching a thousand episodes of Peppa Pig and Paw Patrol, their uncontrollable giggles. All these little things will be gold dust in years to come. So live in the moment, because this moment will never come again.

Stay away from fake social media

This might be rich coming from me I know, but there is a certain type of mummy influencer who is doing a massive discredit to mums everywhere. The ones who are posing with their picture-perfect family in their spotless matching outfits looking absolutely radiant, snot-free and very smug indeed.

This kind of lifestyle simply does not exist! They have probably pushed aside all the pots and pans out of shot, and changed out of their cornflake encrusted onesie especially for that photo. It is completely staged and unrealistic. So look away now and know that what you see over there is completely fake.

Banish things that make you irritable

We are all pushed and pulled in so many different directions these days. Become aware of what makes you irritable, and then find a way to adjust your relationship with those things. For me, it’s my phone and the constant distraction it presents which makes me feel like I’m always being poked in the ribs when I’m trying to do something. So I put that away in the day or on airplane mode come the evening to minimise that.

Also putting unrealistic expectations on myself and then not matching up to them makes me feel very irksome. So I try not to take on too much, and have even stopped having a to-do list as it used to make me feel like I was never getting everything done. It’s like an albatross round my neck! I feel so much more happy and relaxed as a result – albeit probably a bit more disorganised. Happily, instead of trying to get things done, I just enjoy time with my daughter instead.

Nurture yourself

I know that when I am feeling run ragged this tips over into my parenting and the joy of motherhood ebbs away and is replaced instead by extreme grouchiness. Feeling hateful, frustrated and sick of feeling pulled this way and that? Other than therapy, there are two sure-fire fixes for this one. These are 1) Doing some exercise to release those endorphins and 2) Getting out into nature and getting a daily dose of vitamin n.

If you’re feeling battered by motherhood and life at the minute, I really hope the above words of wisdom help you to strip things down a bit and help you rediscover the joy of motherhood again. I’d love to hear if you try any of the above and if they work for you in a comment below.

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