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Being a mum requires a plethora of skills and at times, the strength of an ox! Carrying a child, pushing a buggy, a baby bag with everything but the kitchen sink in can be difficult to manage and can make it hard to believe we might ever feel lighter.

There are the physical challenges which come with motherhood and fortunately we can put those things down if we need a rest. However, we can often forget about all the emotional baggage which many of us carry around getting in the way of allowing us to feel lighter. All the things that can weigh heavy on our minds, body and soul.

Here are just some examples of inner baggage

• Worrying about your child’s development or grades at school.
• Stressed out trying to figure out how you’re going to pay the bills.
• Anxious about an upcoming interview or uncomfortable conversation.
• Worried about a family member’s health or your own.
• Disappointed in a loved one’s response or lack of response.
• Fearful of what’s around the corner or what’s coming next.
• Exhausted because you have so much to do with so little time.
• Unhappy about your current living arrangement or relationship.

You get the jest — life is full of these unpleasant emotions (and many more), and they will undoubtedly bring you down and affect the quality of your daily life if you do not keep yourself in check.

Be Concerned Not Worried

It’s vital to understand that in most cases these emotions come initially from our thoughts — thousands of them which come to mind throughout any given day. In general, these are repetitive about 90%, which would mean if you are someone who worries, then you’ll highly likely continue to worry.

Let’s say you’re worried about your child missing lots of school and it’s been on your mind since the beginning of the pandemic. The story goes around in your head about how much time their missing, you fear them getting behind, losing social time, and could even go as far as thinking about how this will affect their university chances, future, etc.

It’s perfectly normal to be concerned and of course, support as much as you can. However, worry is a whole different scenario as it’s all from your imagination and perspective.

Hit The Pause Button & Feel Lighter

Thinking about the future of how things will be and the what ifs can create lots of anxiety, and many of our thoughts are all very unnecessary.

ACTION STEP – The next time you feel anxious or worried, hit the pause button. Take a moment and see whether any of what you’re thinking is relevant, or even real.

Chances are fear has stepped in, and many times these thoughts are irrational. If this is the case, take a breath, come back to the present. Always, put plans in place to help for the future but do not live there for very long as this can create anxiety.

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Expectations Can Kill Connection

The big one – EXPECTATIONS, I’m bolding this word because its the greatest killer of connection in relationships and weighs very heavy in many people. We all see the world our way. We would love things to go our way and for people to behave the way we expect.

As an example, if you’re someone who’s organised, quick to respond to emails and action-orientated, you will highly likely be expecting others to be the same. How this kind of person responds when an email or message sent last week still hasn’t been answered, could create some pain.

They may feel annoyed, frustrated, ignored. They may think the person is rude and how dare they not respond according to your time frame! More serious baggage which can weigh you down is resentment or disappointment that a loved one wasn’t there for you as a child, or a friend betrayed you.

Knowing what this is costing you in terms of your health and wellbeing will then give a choice to let it go, address the situation or stay as you are.

Life Is Not Fair

Another big one is fairness. If you are expecting life to be fair, then think again because it’s not.

Your expectations of how life should be for you, according to your script will create a lot of unnecessary pain. A lot of pain! You’ve only got to look at 2020 to fully grasp this.

Become aware of your expectations and accept that people and life will not follow your plan. How you handle this going forward will affect the quality of your life. Letting things be or go at times will help you to feel lighter, more in control and peaceful. Not to say you don’t speak up when you need to or act if you must, but by taking a pause, thinking things through will all be a great starting point and then you can decide whether this issue is worth sacrificing your inner peace.

Once Upon A Time

I don’t know about you, but I do love a romantic movie and a fairytale. For me it’s lovely and  heartwarming at the end when everyone lives happily ever after — it’s a great escape from reality!!

When we’re younger, we can dream up all kinds of stories about how our life will be and when we become a mum we often have the idea of who our children will be. I’m laughing while I’m writing this because I’m pretty sure many of us if we’re honest didn’t sign up for a lot of this!

Letting go of stories is another big one as it becomes our blueprint, and if this doesn’t match our reality, we can suffer. Many times we are unaware of this blueprint, and again it’s the perfect opportunity to dig a little deeper to see if this is relevant to you, particularly if you feel let down in some way with life or people.

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Be Honest About Your Relationships

What I’m about to mention could be difficult for you to admit or even contemplate doing as I’m now going to talk about people in your life. If you’re being honest, there are always family members who you don’t get along with, they could be draining or even toxic.

It is also possible our friends may not be right for us anymore. As we grow, circumstances and life changes. Often, relationships we had growing up may have run their course. Letting go of these relationships that no longer serve us can be difficult but one to consider, particularly if they’re affecting your well-being, but can leave you feeling lighter.

Break The Habit

Majority of us have bad habits, from habitual negative thoughts to eating late at night — binge-watching Netflix to over-scheduling. How we react to life can be very predictive as many of us live on autopilot.

We do the same thing over and over again. We react the same way over and over again. Some people will go from one relationship to another and create the same outcome, not understanding why.

Many people in an argument will react identically to how they reacted last week, and if you’ve been in a relationship for a while, you will know how your partner will respond.

Habits or behaviours can be broken, and it takes awareness as a starting point. Become aware of how this affects you and others, again hit pause before reacting in your usual way. The pause creates some space and an opportunity to do something different. Highly likely to be hard at first, but the more you do this the more likely you will be to break the cycle and you will feel lighter for it..

Look After YOU

As you can see the theme throughout this is to understand yourself more and begin to let go of all the things or people which are no longer serving you, making you feel lighter, more in control and peaceful.

Of course, none of these changes happen overnight and will take some time. You, like me will never be perfect and we will always be flawed in some way or another; however the beauty is with self-awareness the blips will become less frequent.

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Thank you for reading this article hope you will find it useful and look out for next months post on self-compassion, self-love, and self-care as it’s as essential as oxygen and carbs! Not a task to put on the to-do-list as this is vital and must become a part of your normal routine.

Until then, I wish you a great week and see you very soon.

Take care,

Please feel free to connect with me: https://www.instagram.com/teresa.e.townsend/ https://www.facebook.com/coachteresatownsend/ or email: [email protected]