If parenting was done by robots

parenting

Parenting involves, well…a lot of repetitive tasks. From the baby days of having to change a bajillion nappies to the toddler and preschooler days of “again, again” to the seemingly endless nights of waiting up for teens. It made me wonder, what would parenting look like if it was done by robots. Here’s my prediction:

Changing nappies

No more silly human hands fumbling around as your child tried to flail themselves off the freaking changing mat. A robot would leave no room for human error, poonamis or pee flying in your face. Nappy changes would be done in nano seconds without the slightest whiff of manhandling.

Putting shoes on

No more twisting, shoving, and squealing as you try and crush the wrong foot into the wrong shoe as you sweat bullets trying to get out of the door. The robot way of doing this would make it look like the foot was practically gliding in there like a swan.

Play time

We adults literally need a lie down after five seemingly endless minutes of “swing me swing me” or “tickle me tickle me”. Not with a robot – they could just be switched onto automatic repeat and swing the life out of them until it was time to swing them into bed.

Dinner time

Robots wouldn’t tire of dinner time drama – oh no, they would happily distract in their monotone robotic voices until every damn crumb was inside their tummies, even if it meant reciting The Gruffalo a bajllion times over and cutting food into a thousand pieces and their plates were empty.

Car seats

The bain of our life. Robots would remain cool as a cucumber over this because they would simply scan the damn manual in nano seconds and know exactly what to do to get their child in a car seat without them erupting like a volcano unlike our silly little human selves who are left fumbling in the Tesco’ car park like the buffoons we are.

Doing the laundry all day every damn day

Back forth back forth – fill up the washing machine, empty the washing machine, hang it up, put another load on. This is the kind of mind numbing repetition that robots get off on – they would be busy whizzing back on forth on their uber efficient wheels until yes! they finally saw the bottom of the laundry basket which we didn’t even know existed – and they wouldn’t even need to fall into bed afterwards.

Bedtime routines

No bedtime struggles if robots were in charge. Instead they’d just flick a switch and lull them into blissful sleep with an inbuilt light show of unicorns. End of.

Answering every freaking question

Robots would never tire of the endless why’s or how’s – they would raise gods of knowledge because they would literally have an answer to everything because they already have a google chip in-built.

Never worrying about anything ever

Because they’re robots, duh!

What else do you think robots would do better in this parenting game than us? Do leave a comment!

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13 comments

  1. When mine were younger I always thought, ‘if I have to do that puzzle/Read that blasted book again!’ So that would be my robot ask. Now I have teenagers, I would like. Robot to pick up wet towels, fetch dirty crockery from bedrooms and have a clean rugby kit ready at 7am when teen 2 asks for it! Thank you! #coolmumclub

  2. I would pay mega bucks for a robot that cooked…and made kids eat..their dinner!
    Thanks for reminding me that I’m actually not a robot lol…

    Cheers to a fabulous end to 2017 #CoolMumClub Partner! All the love xxxx

  3. I would love a robot to do all of the cleaning, washing and chores. I would also like a robot who could patiently get Cygnet to eat his tea without resorting to TV bribery. Pen x #coolmumclub

  4. I would love a robot to do our washing. it really is endless. The monotony of parenting is what wears me down the most I think! Maybe we should recruit a few robot nannies to help out with the boring stuff so we have more time for the fun stuff!! #coolmumclub

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