Why mums need to talk more, please

mums need to talk
You know what they say….a problem shared is a problem halved. Yet why are so many of us mums so bad about talking about “stuff”? Is it that stiff upper lip us Brits we’ve had drummed into us? Or it is just our plain embarrassment with our imperfections? Or maybe we just don’t want to look bad in front of other mums? Whatever it is…..there’s one thing I know and know only too well. And that’s mums need to talk more.

All too often, I’ll trudge along with a feeling of angst about something that is going on in our lives…thinking that we must be the ONLY ones who have a child who is doing this or not doing that. And then lo and behold…out it comes…only for us to discover that SHOCK HORROR! we are not alone.

Case in point: Those who follow my blog know that our little who will be five in a couple of months is still be in nappies at night, and nowhere near being dry. Although I have learnt not to struggle about it, I still have a niggly feeling of worry about it every morning when I wake up to find another nappy soaked through having had it drummed into my head somehow that she should have been dry at night closer to two years ago.

Then when I had a few other school mums around  the other day I dared to say the words I had only wondered inside my brain out loud: “Um…..so….is anyone else’s child still in nappies at night?”. I had expected looks of utter disbelief or perhaps total tumbleweed in response. Instead, other children in nappies were outed from the woodwork too! The sense of relief was immense. We are not the only ones!!! It’s all ok! Hallelujah I am not failing as a mum!!!!

When the problem always seems so much worse in our heads why do we keep so many of our parenting questions and concerns to ourselves, like the minute they leave our mouths that people will laugh in our faces like it’s the funniest thing they have heard all their life?

Why do we sit on our stuff to the point that it hurts? When the alternative – which is to just let it all out – feels like such sweet relief? When we can find comrades in arms in this mum life rather than instead driving ourselves to distraction about a problem which when we put it out there can be met with comfort, reassurance and non-judgement?

Alone, in silence – we are crazy mamas. Together, communicating – we are strong soul sistas. We are empowered.

So hear this now mamas – it’s ok to talk about our problems. It’s ok to admit defeat or just utter cluelessness. It’s ok even if you feel like a total ignoramus as I often have. It doesn’t make you any less of a person, or a mum, or human being. It makes you the beautifully imperfect parent you are. So give your worries a voice, and I’m banking on the fact that someone will be there to listen, and that you’ll feel so much better for it.

Why mums need to talk more

Do you talk enough about your worries as a mum? Or do you feel you need to talk more? Do share in a comment below and let’s talk!

Picture credit: Designed by Freepik

25 comments

  1. I 100% agree with this, it’s sooo important to talk..I work full time meaning it’s often really difficult to get to see my girlfriend’s but Everytime I do I always feel so much better!! #coolmumclub

  2. I love this and it’s so true – a problem shared is a problem halved! It’s so lovely when you come across someone else who is experiencing things as you are – such a reassurance. xx #coolmumclub

  3. I’m so with you! I’m lucky enough to have a couple of friend with kids exactly the same age as my eldest (we cleverly purchased said friends via NCT) and it’s only because we’ve been along for the same mad ride for nearly 7 years that we admit things to each other. And two of the three of us had kids in nappies until close to six! #coolmumclub

  4. Provide it’s with the right person, a problem shared is truly a problem halved. With the wrong person, a problem shared is a problem magnified or shared with the universe!

  5. Spot on! There’s always another mummy, or a gaggle/a giggle (??) of other mummies who are in the same boat. #CoolMumClub

  6. I had a tough year when my twins arrived as I already had a 4 and 2 year old. Yet whenever anyone asked how it was going I faked a smile and said it was fine. It wasn’t and actually I wanted to scream HELP!!!, but still I pretended all was well. Why? who knows…. I totally agree we should all share the truth.

  7. No one is perfect. We all have things we struggle with. It is good to share and to talk. We are not alone!!! #coolmumclub

  8. I couldn’t agree more. As someone who wears their heart eternally on their sleeve this isn’t too much of a problem for me, but I know not everyone finds it so easy. If anything I’m sick of talking about #PooGate!!! We’ll all get there in the end hun x
    Happy 99th link up darl x #CoolMumClub

  9. Omg this post has made me feel so much better! My daughter turned 4 in March and is still in nappies at night. No where near being dry either. I hadn’t mentioned it to the other mums as I felt a bit embarrassed – how silly is that? You’re right though, i do think talking about our problems more would definitely help us feel better about them. #coolmumclub

  10. I tend to keep things to myself, especially relationship problems but I was amazed the other day when I posted on Facebook group about our relationship issues how many mums felt the same way, it just goes to show! #coolmumclub

  11. I’ve got a fab bunch of mum friends and we talk about everything we’re worried about – it is such a relief to be able to get it off your chest! #coolmumclub

  12. Love this – i am a huge believer in NO MUMMA SHAMING so no matter what someone says to me i absorb it and try and put myself in their shoes rather than judging, it is a shame there are so many judgemental people out there or more Mumma’s would share.
    Spread the love i say.
    #coolmumclub

  13. My youngest was also still in pull-ups at night until he was 6 years old. We discovered that he had some bladder and bowel issues and had to take him to Physical therapy but I remember the pressure from the teachers to “fix it” and the shame I felt that I had somehow failed my child. In the end it was no one’s fault though. It happened and he’s 11 and has no issues (other than the picky eating. ugh.) You’re so right though that we do need to talk to each other more. It’s so much better when we find out we are not alone in our parenting struggles. #CoolMumClub

  14. Here here! When my son was born I didn’t have a network of close friends to share things with and I found it really tough but when my daughter was born I had a lovely group of friends already in place all with children similar ages and it made everything so much easier. To be able to share and know that you’re not ‘the only one’ is incredibly comforting! #coolmumclub

  15. This is why I love blogging so much – there’s alway bloggers who’ve been throuhg things. I also have an online baby board group and we’re all about sharing everything in there #coolmumclub

  16. I completely agree Talya! I’m guilty of holding a lot of stuff about the kids in because I worry that it seems so boring to other people. Everyone has their own shit to deal with right?! But the irony is I totally get the importance of talking! #CoolMumClub

  17. I am definitely in the camp of sharing and if I have an issue, a query or need reassurance will seek out those I trust for an opinion. I am not an over sharer so am quite selective in who I chat with. Invariable you will always find someone who if not in the same boat currently has definitely been in it before. How exciting that you are approaching the 100 link-up! Thanks for hosting. #coolmumclub

  18. BB was in pull ups at night until she was six – she just didn’t wake up when she needed the loo. Then suddenly she just stopped and was dry at night – just like that. Apparently they have a hormone that kicks in keeping them dry & until it does there’s no point worrying about it – good luck! #coolmumclub

  19. Feeling judged can be a massive prevention of talking! My teen son wet the bed for years he ended up seeing a consultant who told us there was nothing wrong with him and he would stop by the age of 12. He was spot on. He told us there was nothing medically wrong just that he would go into such a deep sleep that he was unable to wake when the ‘sensation’ hit. I did tell my friends about this as he would stay at some of their houses and they were always supportive & very discreet which helped. To be able to be open & honest is great and mostly it just takes that one person to open up
    To get the ball rolling #coolmumclub

  20. Thank you so much for writing this! I am always open about my struggles with parenting and talk about it but I know many that don’t – parenting doesn’t come with a handbook that tells us what’s going to happen at each age etc everyone is different and we need to embrace that. It would do so much good if Mothers were honest with each other rather than trying to be the perfect Instagram Mum in front of the camera #coolmumclub

Leave a Reply

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.