Why I found new motherhood magical yet horrifying

new motherhood

Here’s the thing about new motherhood. Everywhere you turn people are looking all soppy faced at the fact that – ohhhh congratulations! You’ve just had a baby. Silly quotes are screaming at you from all across the internet about the magic of new motherhood and becoming a mum. And everyone keeps telling you to enjoy every moment like….well, every moment is magical… or something.

But here’s the thing.

Yes, in many ways the notion of becoming a new mum IS magical. Yet….sorry to say this….although actually, I’m not really sorry….it can also be pretty horrific.

Depending on the birth you had, the birth might very well have been horrific. In fact I can probably count on three fingers the people I know who did not have some form of a horrific experience of sorts during childbirth.

And then yes, it’s amazing that you can marvel at this little alien of a bean you have created, bleating next to you….but then the generally not knowing what the F*** you are doing most of the time and being fearful that you are going to hurt or mess them up in some way is generally quite horrific as a new parent – at least, I thought it was.

Then there’s the one about how you seem to have morphed over night from what was a human to a veritable Utterly Butterly cow…producing milk like your life depended on it…or rather, your child’s does…or perhaps you are grappling with the horrifying notion that ARGHHHH! your baby won’t latch on or you can’t produce the milk (who on earth told you breastfeeding is the most natural thing in the world anyway!), or you are unable to feed them in the way you were hoping to which in itself as a new mum can all feel pretty horrifying especially when you look in the mirror and see boobs the size of Mount Vesuvius with veins running through them that looks like the Ganges river.

And then there’s the horrifying times when your baby screams all night, their back arched so much that you think they may very well just blimming well go ahead and break it. Oblivious to the horrors of reflux, colic and sleep regressions you frantically tried to work out in your sleep deprived and tortured mind what the hell was actually happening and whether this was normal….how could this be normal…? Surely if it was they would have told you about it? But no. Not a whisper. The biggest cover up in the world. Only sleep exhaustion to laugh back at your face.

In between all these horrifying moments come the dizzying magic you were promised. The incredible bond, the smiles, the day to day developments, their turning into a little person. These are the moment everyone promised you – the ones you read about, the ones you saw in the movies, the moment that bringing a new life into this world is all about. But to get to the magic, you have to get through a hell of a lot of hard times. And it’s ok to hate the hard times, and love the magic.

BECAUSE. THIS. IS. NEW. MOTHERHOOD.

For most people at least. And for every new mum reading this I just want you to know….please don’t feel bad or guilty for hating the horrors, because it’s absolutely natural and normal not to love it all, and nobody is going to think any less of you for doing so. Know that yes, new motherhood can be very magical but can also be very horrific at times too.

Have you found new motherhood to be both magical and horrific? Do leave a comment and share and let’s all be real about this stuff!

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16 comments

  1. Wow, this spoke to me beyond belief. I’m 8-months post birth of my second child and I feel I’m given even less slack than the first. I may know roughly what I’m doing this time around but shit me, it’s still hard AND I’ve now got two of the blighters! Thanks for sharing and normalising the other side of feelings as a new mum! #coolmumclub

  2. I can relate to this so much and it is something that is really playing on my mind in the run up to the birth of this baby. I remember the love bubble but also the horrendously painful nipples and sleep deprivation. It truly is a rollercoaster xx #coolmumclub

  3. This is just the sort of post I would have loved to have read when I first became a mum 16 years ago! It was nothing like the parenting books which is why I ditched them all lol. No one warned me about the dark side of labour, for me it was tearing from back to front and losing all bladder sensation for 6 weeks, not a great start. However on the plus side I had my beautiful daughter. Motherhood for me is one long rollercoaster. #coolmumclub

  4. Yes to every single point you made here! I was totally blindsided by the sheer difficulty and sleep deprivation you’re hit with in the first three months. People should really talk more frankly about it, so that Mums-to-be know what’s in the pipeline x

  5. Absolutely! It throws everything at out, takes everything out of you, yet gives you everything you need. It’s a fun old thing this parenthood world 🙂 #coolmumclub

  6. Oh those days were grim and gorgeous in equal doses – well, perhaps the grim maybe outweighed! It was just SUCH a shock to the system – the change in who is boss of you and the unknown quantity that is keeping a small human alive.
    I don’t miss those days!
    Thanks for keeping it real #coolmumclub partner in crime x

  7. It certainly switches from one extreme to the other, all day every day!! Some moments are so amazing and the next minute you can be desperate for bedtime #coolmumclub

  8. This is so true! I remember being in Mothercare after my first baby and saying to my husband “do you think all these other parents feel as cr*p as we do?!” It’s hard! Really hard! #coolmumclub

  9. I found it completely and utterly terrifying if I’m honest! I was just turned 24 when I had Lewis and he was the first baby I ever even held, I was so scared I would break him! I think motherhood is terrifying, then, now, always! #coolmumclub

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