I’m sorry for taking my fertility for granted

fertility

When we first had “that conversation” about making a baby together almost six years ago, looking back on it, I can’t believe how ridiculously naive we were. I remember thinking – well, having a baby is the most natural thing in the world, so how hard can it be? And for us – the lucky ones – it was. I fell pregnant after two months of trying, and had a pregnancy that went full term, with the delivery of a healthy baby at the end.

However, over the last five years of motherhood I have realised just how lucky we were, and how much I had taken my fertility for granted.

The conversations, confessions and hurt of so many women who have not had such an easy journey into motherhood, who have struggled to conceive – many for years, who have miscarried, who have had still births, who have had complications in birth and thereafter race through my mind as I write this.

I think about all the women who take every vitamin in the land, who cut out the caffeine, sugar and who are wracked with worries because for them – fertility is not something they can take for granted. Those who riddled with anxieties about whether they will conceive, whether they will make it into the safe zone…and past it, those who have daggers in their heart every time one of their friends posts a picture of a positive pregnancy test on social media, or a picture of their bonny new baby. Those who might make it to 30 weeks yet still not feel safe.

All those years ago, I had no idea about the collective heartache of these women, of the perpetual worry, of their devastating losses which hangs over them every single day.

Perhaps it because I had never experienced loss like this, but having heard the words and felt the pain of my sisters time and time again, and had the hurtful well meaning words that they have heard from those who just couldn’t possibly understand recounted to me, my plea to everyone reading this who hasn’t been through the heartache of trying to conceive when your body won’t co-operate, who hasn’t miscarried, who hasn’t lost their baby is to please – never take your fertility for granted.

Because there are women EVERYWHERE who would give anything for their pregnancies to make it, to not feel anxious with every single day their pregnancy progressions, to know that they can bank on the fact they will hold their baby in their arms safely at the end of it.

With one in eight women in the UK experiencing infertility, one in four women experiencing miscarriage and one in every 225 births ending in stillbirth, let’s not take life, or fertility for granted. I know I won’t.

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18 comments

  1. I am one of the lucky ones too and I can no longer take my fertility for granted after reading about and knowing so many women who have experienced loss or had trouble being able to conceive. Really important post to share hun xx

  2. I too am one of the lucky ones who fell pregnant with three children straight away (one surprise and two in first month of trying). It is only as I have got older I have realised how lucky I was and how much I took fertility for granted x

  3. This is a great reminder to all of us who are the lucky ones to never take our fertility for granted Tayla. I never went through any of this but my sister did. She has a daughter but has lost a son and miscarried twins. It was heartbreaking to see her go through that and it made me really appreciate my own body even more. And hug my kids tighter in the following weeks. We all need to remember how lucky we are because many aren’t so lucky.

  4. I agree, I am so lucky and sometimes when I am feeling blue and down about life I try to remember my beautiful children and how blessed I am. I have two close friends, one suffered 2 early miscarriages and then a very late miscarriage. My other friend has lost so many babies, thankfully both now have beautiful healthy children, but I often have to remind myself I am lucky to not have suffered loss and had my children so easily. Great topic!

  5. You’re quite right. Like you, I got pregnant easily so never gave it a second thought. The sad thing is that while most of my friends have children, I know some of them will have struggled but it’s not something they talk about because…well…people just don’t. Every time The Boys are driving me up the wall, I must remind myself there are many people out there who’s be thrilled to be shouting “putting your shoes on!” for the fifth time that morning! #coolmumclub

  6. Well hello from the other side of the fence! We struggled right from the very beginning, discovering that it’s not as easy to fall pregnant as the ‘fear of missing a pill’ I had imagined! Over a year TTC Tigs, then a subsequent traumatic loss, and a rainbow baby whose pregnancy was extremely tough. It was definitely a lesson in how fragile fertility is. So lovely of you to acknowledge this even though you were one of the lucky ones x x
    Sending a huge #CoolMumClub hug

  7. It’s a funny thing isn’t it, we didn’t find it easy to conceive, but yet it wasn’t the hardest. My pregnancy was easy as well. But I still took it for granted and it wasn’t until afterwards I realised the struggle of others and I find it sad it’s not more spoken about. #CoolMumClub

  8. I try to never take my fertility for granted and do my best to say thank you as often as I can for my two little girls. I like to think of them as my precious gifts, the best gifts I have ever received. This is definitely a topic well worth highlighting. #CoolMumClub

  9. Thank you so much for all the lovely comments I feel our voices together have made such a wonderful tribute so those who have struggled with fertility…some of you included in the above too x

  10. My brother in law calls us freakishly fertile: me, my mum and my sister have all got pregnant straightaway (in fact I was on the Pill for my first 2 conceptions…). I can’t imagine the pain of trying for a baby and having hopes dashed but my heart breaks for those with empty arms #coolmumclub

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