So you want to change something in your life? Then you’ve come to the right place.
If you have young children, you will understand both the beauty and frustration of the infamous WHY question. When children begin to grow, they are learning through different experiences, and their curiosity is on an all-time high, and they question absolutely everything. Everything!!
What’s funnier a poll, of 2,000 parents, found 54 per cent are regularly perplexed by the meaningful or scientific questions put to them by their children. Questions like, What are black holes?, Why is the sea salty?, Why do people die?, Why is the sky blue? and How did the world begin?.
All questions the majority of adults would struggle to answer, and without a doubt, I would be turning to Siri or Google for an intelligible answer.
Of course, we should always encourage learning and who knows you may have an Albert Einstein in the making, which ties me nicely to what this great man once said — “The important thing is not to stop questioning. Curiosity has its own reason for existing.”
Take The Time
Albert is right, of course, but how many of us do this?
How many of us take the time to question our beliefs, thoughts, habits or relationships?
Why do I believe in God or not?
Why do I believe money doesn’t grow on trees?
Why do I believe I can’t achieve this or that?
Why is this relationship so challenging?
Why do I believe in education or not?
Why did I marry? (it’s a cheap shot, had to get it in)
It’s worth noting in here that the majority of our beliefs come from our childhood. What our culture or our caregivers told us and how we interpreted the message. They become our foundation and all our habits, patterns, behaviours come from this place. We’re often living now from these old beliefs, and many will no longer be relevant or serving us in any way.
Change Something In Your Life
How many of us take the time to question whether our life is on the right track?
Is my life working out in general?
Is there more I could do?
Do I need to change some areas? (there’s alway something if we’re being honest).
The reality is very few of us do this, we get on the hamster wheel of life and keep going. No end, just keep on spinning. We do what we’ve always done and wonder why things don’t ever change. We’re confused as to why we can’t lose weight or stop spending. We don’t know why our second marriage is going the same way as the last or why we can’t make good friendships. There’s no rocket science to this but simply if you want things to change something has to change in your life, and it all begins with you.
On occasions the spinning stops, usually, death or illness can grind us to a halt, but it doesn’t have to be this way. We don’t have to wait for the relationship to end, or the death of a loved one to shake us up, and we can start asking the important questions right now.
The Choice Is Always Yours
Be aware though the majority of us would rather not know the real answer and pretend to ourselves we’re ok than confront the truth. We prefer to hide behind our social masks (you’ve always been wearing a mask all along!!). This is where you have to decide, live your life small, potentially unfulfilled or take a chance and live an authentic life, with meaning and fulfillment — the choice is always yours.
Question Time
To get real here for a moment you don’t have to sit for hours with a long list or add this to your ‘to do’ list, however, I would recommend starting small, get yourself a journal and begin by asking yourself a few questions when unpleasant emotions, or repetitive behaviours show-up.
The next time you have a meltdown, get angry, cry or feel like shit – ask yourself why do I feel like this? Is it I’m not being heard, or something else?
The next time you have a go at your partner or child about something they did or didn’t do and you start getting wound up – ask yourself, why am I getting upset about this? Is it I feel out of control, or something else?
The next time you promise to go on another diet and don’t – ask yourself, why am I always doing this? Is it I’m afraid of failing, or afraid of who this woman will become, or something else?
The next time you say yes to something and no would have been what you really wanted to say. Ask yourself, why do I do this? Is it I want to be seen as a good person, or something else?
The next time you overindulge with your eating, drinking, shopping, sex, Netflix, or whatever your go-to place is to ask yourself, am I running away from my problems, or something else?
The secret to this is not to look at the situation as such but look at your reaction. Take the people out of any situation and shine the light on you. The truth is the answers always lie within you.
Majority of our struggles are with our relationships with others; however, the answer is to have a great relationship with ourselves. In turn this will create far greater connections with others and affect the quality of life in every way.
Pretending To Be An Adult
However, you answered these questions I can assure you there will always be fear and lack in there somewhere. We’re all walking around in these adults bodies, pretending to be all grown up but the majority of us have an inner child who still needs attention and healing.
The inner child is a part of us that didn’t receive the love we needed as a child, as many of us were not, seen, heard, validated for who we truly are. A big problem for many of us as we’re often left playing a role of what others or culture thinks we are — not who we are.
Healing this part of you is essential and life-changing.
Ultimate Liberation
To heal the inner child takes time, and you have to be kind, compassionate, loving, non-judgmental, patient, understanding to that part of you. So the next time you find yourself in an emotionally charged situation – Pause – Ask yourself – what does my inner child need to hear? What does she need to know? Be comforting, loving and compassionate to you. Then you will find you will not need anyone or anything on the outside to make you feel better (still nice to have but not essential) and you will be set free — the ultimate liberation!
THINGS TO REMEMBER
QUESTION EVERYTHING FROM YOUR THOUGHTS TO YOUR BELIEFS
STOP SPINNING THE HAMSTER WHEEL
THE CHOICE IS ALWAYS YOURS
WANT TO CHANGE SOMETHING IN YOUR LIFE? THE ANSWERS ALWAYS LIE WITHIN YOU
CREATE A GREAT RELATIONSHIP WITH YOURSELF
HEALING YOUR INNER CHILD WILL SET YOU FREE
ABOUT THE NOT SO PERFECT MUM
Teresa is the author of the forthcoming book “I should have bought a puppy; Parenting with heart, honesty and humour.” Connect with her on Instagram and Facebook.
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It is so true that the choice lies with us and it is us that usually stop ourselves from doing stuff, even though we claim we want to do so.
Love this post. I have never really had a good relationship with myself and it’s something Ive struggled with. Lockdown actually helped me a lot to deal with this and now I feel I can be kind to myself.