The first year following a divorce/separation will be filled with hurdles which you may not be prepared for. Mother’s Day is one of the events which may creep up and catch you off guard. If you have recently divorced and split custody of your children, Mother’s Day after divorce can pose a number of different problems, both practical and emotional. In this article, we will look at some of the most common problems faced around Mother’s Day after divorce/.
What if it isn’t your weekend?
With split custody, weekends are often divided upon an alternating rota. This means that Mother’s Day may not fall on your weekend with your children. Many divorcing couples will pre-arrange to split certain holidays.
This could mean spending Christmas with mum for one year and with dad the next year. But Mother’s Day and Father’s Day might not be very high on your list of priorities. It can often be forgotten altogether until the Mother’s Day cards start appearing in shops.
Since Mother’s Day falls before Father’s Day in the year, you have an opportunity to plan ahead and negotiate with your ex-spouse to make sure you can spend the weekend with your children. In return, you should agree to make sure your partner can spend Father’s Day with your children. This is often the simplest way to settle any disagreements.
If the relationship is not amicable, you may need to brush this off and plan your own Mother’s Day for another weekend.
Planning your own Mother’s Day after divorce
There are no rules to say you have to celebrate Mother’s Day on the actual day. If moving your schedules would be too much stress or if your partner is unwilling to compromise, then simply mark Mother’s Day on the next available weekend. The added benefit of this option is that anything that requires booking is less likely to be fully booked. It may also be cheaper as you won’t face Mother’s Day price hikes.
Plan a family day
Mother’s Day doesn’t have to only be about you. Use the opportunity to celebrate your family as you explore life as a separated parent. Plan something fun to do with your children, or involve your extended family. By including your friends and family in the day, it can take the pressure off and allow you to relax. Head to the zoo or aquarium, enjoy a picnic in the garden, or just take a long walk in the park.
What about gifts?
Couples will usually arrange Mother’s Day and Father’s Day gifts for one another. So the first year after a divorce can be jarring as you might not know what to expect. How you handle gifts will depend on the age of your children.
- With toddlers, you should treat yourself to something as your gift. Your friends and family may also be thoughtful enough to get you a card or flowers.
- Young children will probably make something in school or nursery, but you may not get a gift. If a gift is important to you, choose something and let your children wrap it for you.
- Older children may be able to purchase a card and gift with their pocket money. Remember that the divorce will be confusing for them too, so getting a gift as a family might make things easier.
If your ex-spouse arranges a gift for you, this can be very upsetting, particularly after a bitter divorce or period of animosity. It may be a sign that they are simply being considerate, or they may have been put on the spot by your children while out shopping. Try to see this as a sign that things are going to get easier. Co-parenting is a lot simpler when both parties are considerate. Remember to return the gesture on Father’s Day.
If you won’t be with your children on Mother’s Day, try to stay away from social media. It can be upsetting to see your friends and family sharing pictures of cards, flowers, breakfast in bed and gifts. Instead, take the opportunity to detox from social media and give yourself a break. Remember that social media is only the highlight reel. Mother’s Day can be painful for lots of different reasons. Divorce, bereavement and even an unhappy marriage can make Mother’s Day more stressful. Take solace in the knowledge that it is only one day in the year.
Reach out to friends
Mother’s Day after a divorce can lead to feelings of loneliness and despair. If you are struggling, reach out to friends or family and let them know you need their support. Similarly, look for ways you can support others in a similar situation. You may know single mums, friends who have recently lost parents, or friends who have lost pregnancies that will be struggling through this holiday. Helping a friend in need can help you to manage your feelings around Mother’s Day.
Are you experiencing your first Mother’s Day after divorce? Or perhaps this is something you’ve been through many years in a row and have some advice to share?
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