It’s no secret that having a child can be difficult on a couple’s relationship. The bottom line is maintaining a relationship after baby can be really hard.
Many individuals find themselves arguing and sniping at one other on a daily basis, despite having hardly had any conflicts up to this point.
At its worst, the stress that a new baby may bring can turn couples against one another, negatively affecting their feelings for one another and potentially jeopardising their future together.
That is why it is critical to maintain your connection after having a child. It’s easy to let it go to the bottom of your priority list – after all, you’ve got so much more to worry about. But, when you think about it, having a good connection is most essential during times like these – when you’re worried, vulnerable, and confused.
So, what are your options to bolster your relationship after baby? There aren’t any simple solutions, to be sure. However, there are a few important factors to consider.
Sleep
To begin, let’s look at the most apparent. In the first few months after having a baby, most couples discover that they get much less sleep. And getting less sleep implies having less energy, patience, and a higher risk of getting into a fight.
Couples may now be impacted differently as a result of this. You may be one of the fortunate parents whose child sleeps well through the night. You may or may not. However, there is one aspect of your collaboration that you can influence.
It’s critical that you approach the sleep issue as a team. A lot of it boils down to preparation and communication. Make a plan for what you’ll do if the baby wakes up in the middle of the night. Talk about delegating.
Consider how you arrange your sleep: try to get some when the baby does. It may take some getting used to, but you may discover that you are very good at dozing asleep at the drop of a hat.
Talking
Talking is among the most essential aspects of every relationship, and it becomes much more so following the birth of a child.
Having a conversation isn’t always about coming up with practical answers to issues (although this can obviously be a really useful thing to do). It’s mostly about reuniting, feeling connected to one another, and checking in with one another. Talking allows you to express or learn about anything that is troubling or concerning you or your spouse. It allows you to both talk and listen.
If you don’t think you have time, do your best to create some. Setting aside half an hour at the end of the day to talk in bed might be one way to do so. Alternatively, you might eat breakfast together. Alternatively, go for a stroll once a week. Anywhere where you can have a decent discussion.
Likewise, when it comes to resolving problems. It’s critical that you’re able to speak honestly about any problems you’re having so that you can work through them together. Your spouse may believe you haven’t been supportive enough. Or it’s possible that you’re not collaborating on issues anymore, and that a barrier has formed between you. Or maybe you’re not sure what’s wrong; you simply have a feeling something isn’t quite right.
Planning
With so little time on your hands, developing a knack for preparing ahead may be very beneficial.
Making time to have fun together is an important part of sustaining a good relationship, so consider setting aside some time to do so. Date evenings – when you go out and do something together – are popular, and they may be a great way to add diversity to your calendar while also spending quality time with your partner. However, you are not obliged to go out if you are really exhausted. A ‘date night‘ may sometimes entail leaving the baby with a relative for the evening while you and your spouse remain in and cuddle up on the couch.
Similarly, planning does not have to imply large-scale planning. It may also refer to little details, such as spooning in bed one evening. Alternatively, you may make a phone call. Or – and we realise this may come off as a bit clinical – sex!
Sex
It’s easy to fall into the trap of letting your sex life slip after having a child. However, sex is an essential component of most partnerships. It’s a method to strengthen your relationship and reinforce your feeling of closeness.
After having a kid, you may find it difficult to find the same amount of energy for sex. And there’s no problem with it. Intimacy, on the other hand, does not have to imply sexual activity. It may sometimes simply mean being tactile and close to one another, with no aspirations of going any further.
You may also have trouble finding the time. However, as previously said, this may be rectified with some careful planning – or by being creative with when you do it. The afternoon sleep of your infant may be a wonderful chance. You may also simply go to bed early to begin with; this will offer you more time to spend together and you’ll be a little less tired.
Maintaining a relationship after baby isn’t easy when you’re feeling sleep-deprived and overwhelmed, but with the above extra effort it is possible to buffer your relationship against the stress that those baby days put on your relationship. Also, know this – things DO get easier and less taxing on your relationship but things can feel rough before they improve. Just remember, you are not alone as SO many couples experience relationship struggles during those baby days…it’s just not often spoken about candidly.
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