I am not a huge fan of the term “parenting style”…I don’t really like giving any sort of parenting any kind of label, however that may be….it’s unavoidable that as parents we all have our own style of parenting, whatever that may be and that some parents have very different parenting styles.
One of the things me and my partner have struggled with in our four years as parents is that the way we parent is very different. I parent in a very structured, orderly way….and he parents in a very relaxed, freestyle way. So, polar opposites and something we have learnt do deal with as we have both shuffled a little into the middle of those two poles to compromise in our life as a family unit.
But it did make me think… what happens with other families when parents have different parenting styles? I called on some fab fellow parenting bloggers to share their experiences of what happens when parents have different parenting styles:
The Incidental Parents says…..We are very different, I’m more towards gentle parenting but my partner is French and is less so! With our first we clashed more but I think we’ve met somewhere in the middle now.
Jaki Jellz says….We definitely clash! I prefer trying to get down to Little Man’s level and talk to him – very much the Hand In Hand parenting technique. Where as hubby is quite old fashioned in his approach. It’s caused may disagreements but we have to try and find a happy medium and a compromise which can be really hard. We’re doing okay though!
The Parenting Trials says….I would say me and my partner have different parenting styles. It can sometimes be a good thing but also a bad too, as can cause friction sometimes if we don’t always agree on how things should be dealt with. I would say he’s the one that they go to for a bit of rough and tumble play etc and he’s also the stricter one of of us. I’m the one they go to for cuddles and quite time.. I’m probably the softer one.
Absolutely Prabulous says….We’re both ridiculously strict with our kids. We both grew up in very traditional Indian households but whilst my father ruled with an iron rod and we were never allowed to do anything/go anywhere (it shows why I’m the way I am as a mum myself). Where we differ though id that my husband has a total inability to sympathise with or understand the basic needs of children on an emotional level so this makes it doubly difficult. I truly believe there ought to be some sort of test couples can do before they have kids to see if they’re actually compatible as a parenting unit!
Katy Kicker says…. When we disagree on an aspect of parenting then we both present our ‘argument’. We talk over why we feel about it. If one of us feels strongly about it then the other one will usually give in and trial it out. Basically we work together and sometimes try two ways, before deciding what works best!
Pink Pear Bear says….My husband and I have worked out a happy compromise. He is far far softer then me. Because he sees them less due to work, he likes to be ‘fun dad’ who doesn’t tell them off and buys them stuff. Over the years he has realised it’s not fair for me to always be ‘the bad guy’ and while he’s still a total softy, he backs me up more and will tell them off too. If we disagree about something, we try and talk about it that evening when they have gone to bed. It’s best not to let them see when we have different ideas as they are brilliant at manipulating a situation where we don’t agree to get what they want!
Pack the PJs says…I’m a bit of a taskmaster concerning the kids – no really does mean no as I don’t want them to think they can get rewarded for not doing anything. My husband however is very much one looking for a quiet life, so he’s quite easily persuaded – if only to keep the peace. He says yes straight after I’ve said no – BUT, I overrule him! He understands and now I hear a lot of ‘go ask your mother’.
Devon Mama says….My husband is a lot more laid back than I am about things. I believe there should be boundaries and my husband often laughs if our son pushes those. It makes it confusing for him because he then thinks it’s a funny game and can’t understand why I’m not loving it. It’s been the source of many arguments in our house already and he’s only small, I believe you need to offer your child a united front so that they know they can’t get round one of you and know where they stand. When my husband acts like that it makes me feel undermined and that I’m the ‘strict’ one.
This Woman’s World says…We both have similar styles of parenting but I naturally lean towards the gentle/attachment parenting approach. My extended breastfeeding and bedsharing with my 14 month old Son is something he does not agree with (he fears it will hinder his independence) so as a comprise I’ve agree to night wean and reduce random feeds during the day whilst also gently transferring him into his own cot (still in our bedroom). It’s about respecting each others way of thinking and not completely dismissing their point of view.
Amy & Tots says…My partner and I have very different parenting techniques and we have had many arguments over which approach to take. Most of time we agree to parent the way I choose because I’m the one that’s with the 80% of time whilst he’s at work. –
Rainbows Are Too Beautiful says…I’m more authoritative and he’s more authoritarian. But these have a cross over in that we both explain and set rules – I’m far more a negotiator. It’s perhaps not surprising we have these styles given the needs of our autistic ADHD kids, who benefit from them. Ultimately we are both mostly concerned about helping them and we agree on more than we disagree.
Confessions of a Working Mum….I’m really passionate about healthy eating, especially in children. I don’t let my 17 month old have sugar except on very special occasions like Easter (and only a tiny bit then). I’m determined to carry this approach on as she gets older. I believe sweets are a treat and not an everyday thing. My fiancé says I’m too strict that I should ease up as she gets older. We kind of agree to disagree and he calls me the ‘sugar police’ which I secretly like! I expect we will butt heads about this in the future!
Boss Like A Mum says….I share childcare responsibilities pretty much 50/50 with my partner and it’s certainly led to lots of friction. Ultimately I’ve had to let go of the idea that I automatically know best because I’m the mum and give him space to be the father that he wants to be.
Do any of the above experiences sound like yours? I know that some are strikingly similar to mine. Do you lock heads over different parenting styles? Do share in a comment below.
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