You know how in life there are unspoken rules – things like when to leave a party, how you shouldn’t fart in a lift, and how you shouldn’t look over someone’s shoulder when they’re using an cash machine? Well if there are a few things I’ve learnt after a year of school runs it is that there are some things parents should never do on the school run. If you’re a fellow school parent, I’m pretty sure you will already know these – if not….um why not!? – but if you’re new to this school life malarkey then pay attention closely. Here are the 11 things parents should never do on the school run:
Be the bidiot that parks on the double yellow lines
Bidiot…yes bidiot! Otherwise known as BIG IDIOT! Even though everyone knows nobody should be parking on the double yellow lines around the school there is always some bidiot who choose to ignore the rules like they are lord or lady muck of the manor. Well let me tell you….you are not! The yellow lines are there for a reason and with so many children swarming around your lazy ass parking means that you could be putting their safety in jeopardy just because you were too late or conceited to find somewhere else to park. Just don’t do it!
Swear anywhere near the playground
Yes, really! It’s like swearing a wedding….it just shouldn’t be done! Yet our school had to send a polite reminder to our parents not that long ago to watch their language and content when on phones. Yep you might have had a blinking awful morning/journey but leave the effing and blinding within the confines of your own toilet at home (or wherever it is you go to have a jolly good swearing session!).
Okay, I KNOW it is very tempting to want to stay in your pyjamas some mornings but seriously….don’t do it UNLESS they are very well hidden somehow say by the longest coat known to mankind but even still.. and as for slippers unless you want to be mistaken for Nora Batty on the school run…..well do I have to spell it out?
Fist pump yourself
For anything! If you start to feel smug in any way on the school run on the days when you’ve got this, I promise you will get your backside bitten for it – if you pat yourself on the back just once I promise you will then discover you will have left something behind like their book bag or water bottle and have to rush back and fetch it. I’ve learnt this one the hard way.
Lose your rag
We all know that school runs are enough to make you go absolutely postal, but get any rag losing out of your system before you open that front door. If you feel like you might explode on the school run then just do that thing when you start talking in an overly high and sweet voice which all other mums know is code for “I’m about to lose my s*** here!***
Have a go at another parent (or let them have a go at you!)
Tensions can run high on the school run, and you know and when you’re stressed to hell it’s easy to get each other’s noses out of joint. But this isn’t East Enders love. If you feel like having a fight, this isn’t the time or place for it.
Be glued to your phone like Dom Jolly
Guess what? The entire street and playground does not need to hear about your latest drama, medical appointments, or life admin as you talk about it FAR too loud on your phone. Plus if there is one time of day it’s nice not to be glued to your phone and spend time with your sproglets, it’s on the school run when you know, you can actually talk to them and probably find out nothing.
Rock up on INSET day
Why are the streets eerily quiet you wonder as you set off the school run? Did the entire neighbourhood forget to get up this evening? No you fool! It’s INSET day and you have only realised half way to school (said like someone who knows because she has done this!).
Forget it’s mufti day/cake sale day/ice lolly sale
As you near school, it seems the world and his dog is dressed up in non uniform/World Book Day costumes/proudly carrying some Pinterest perfect cakes…that is all apart from you who has NOTHING because you totally forgot again you bidiot! (again, big idiot!). Nevermind, there’s also the ice lolly sale which you won’t be buying anything at because you left your purse at home – double bidiot!!!! Again I have done each and every one of these!
Yes you may have heard that this mum said this or that dad did that or that hideous child was up to his old antics again yadda yadda yadda but whatever you do….people DO have ears on the school run so before you start a game of he said/she said on the school run think again! Oh, and you can leave your judgy pants at home while you’re at it too – because, well really, you should know better!
Stalking the teacher at pick up/drop off
Do you want to seem like the crazy or grabby parent who is always stalking the teacher at pick up and drop off? While unless you do, if you have something to complain about to the teacher go and make an appointment to talk to them another time because at either end of the school run is definitely not the time to do it!
Do you agree that these are things that parents should never do on the school run? What else would you add to this list? You might also enjoy this post the 11 types of parents on the school run.
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