20 things you can get away with once you become a mum

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Scared baby against crazy mother

OK, so we all know that being a mum – for all its wonderful parenthood moments – is not exactly a walk in the park; however it is not without its perks, many of which can largely be categorized under the “letting yourself go a bit” header. I don’t mean all the bumps and sags and stuff – yup that’s just a given – I mean the other juicy stuff, of which I have listed 20 of my favourite delights:

  1. Farting – Remember when once,ย it was totally off limits to fart in public or in front of your other half unless it was a seriously sneaky one? Fast forward to the days after childbirth, and now anything that comes out from anywhere down below seems perfectly acceptable.
  2. Burping – Once upon a time, you used to balk at people letting rip huge burps, but since all bodily functions have taken on a new meaning post kids, who is going to pay attention to a little smart fart that took the elevator up?
  3. Hairiness – To leave the house with hairy pits, unkempt lady bits and stubbly legs used to be absolutely out of the question. Now, the Mum Bush is back in, and sometimes you are almost disgustingly delighted at catching your armpits being able to grown THAT much hair in that nook since the last time you checked…back in the last century!
  4. Greasy hair – As widely documented on the bloggersphere, mum’s mop has to be one of the biggest losers in this motherhood game. The days of religiously washing your hair every other day now laugh in your face as that gap yawns and becomes wider and wider. In the general chaos, nobody is going to notice if you hide your grease monkey hair under a scarf for a couple of days…are they?
  5. Flipping out – Acting like a crazy bat shit lady used to be solely the territory of PMS woes. Now your hormones and child woes have joined forces to unleash new fangled ways of wreaking havoc with your overall demeanour for the remaining days of the month too. Happy days y’all!
  6. Itching – Itchy bum? Itchy nether region? Remember when you were a ladyyyy and used to slink off to quietly take care of that little itch? Once anyone has seen you in your birthing state, it all seems like a pointless exercise doesn’t it?
  7. Forgetting to reply to texts/emails/Whatsapps – Commonly associated with the Melted Mum Brain Syndrome, once thought to be ever so rude, now just part of the “Didn’t get round to it” phenomenon.
  8. Being pissed after one drink (and it being acceptable) – Your drinking tolerance is now firmly down the shitter. You are now the lightest of lightweights and doesn’t everyone know it. Still, a cheap date though on the plus side!
  9. Not knowing which day of the week it is – No, you are not living under a rock, simply the weekend doesn’t make a difference once you’re a mum, so why should you even care?
  10. Always wanting a glass of wine at inappropriate times – Is 10am too early for a glass? Not if you’ve been up since 5am with a possessed Tazmanian devil.
  11. Cooking shit food – Whether it be because you had a screaming toddler hanging off your leg during preparation, or Pinterest deluded you into thinking you could make THAT, your culinary fails don’t really matter seeing as most meals have noses turned up at them regardless.
  12. Being a Norma “No Mates” – Remember when you were the life and soul of the party? A social butterfly? Now it feels that your friends might as well be on Mars you so rarely see them. LONER! And as for making new friends, well that’s just SO hard!
  13. Looking like a hobo – Leaving the house in “house clothes”, a top besmeared with this morning’s breakfast, or perhaps a little boob juice? Just your regular look these days.
  14. Being a total lame ass at exercise – Seriously when did you become so weak, feeble and out of breath? Obviously the incessant lifting is not cutting it with your cardio.
  15. Having bras that don’t fit – Because who on earth ever had time to go and get refitted since their boobs turned into shriveled grapes anyway?
  16. Not being able to stay awake past 9.30pm – Cinderella looks like a badass compared to you.
  17. Not ever going to the shops to do your shopping – Seriously why would you ever risk a tantrum when you can cower at home with a mouse and get it delivered to your door?
  18. Acting deaf, most of the time – What did you say?
  19. Having knickers that have been in your drawers since the dark ages – Because quite frankly, the prospect of going shopping for new ones is far more frightening.
  20. Needing cake, chocolate or Nutella every single day – Like your life depended on it. Which it does, obvs.

What else do you think us women get away with since becoming mums? Do chip in with anything you have to add too!

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Friday Frolics


  1. Haha – yes I can relate to some of these too. Although I’m not sure if I’m actually getting away with any of them. I think the functioning parts of society are looking at me and quietly shaking their heads in disapproval. Whatevs, too tired to care. Thanks for the laughs. ๐Ÿ™‚

  2. Oh dear god you have just totally written my life out in a blog post ๐Ÿ˜ฎ I am besties with Batiste and can totally not stay awake late,10 pm is a late night for me.Lots of love Norma ๐Ÿ˜‰ x

  3. Yes, yes and yes. Particularly craving a glass of wine then passing out after one sip. And seeing my own reflection out of the house and barely recognising the tramp stood before me. And bed by 9.30. Talya, we could be soul sisters ๐Ÿ˜‰ x MMT

  4. Ha, some do apply to me definitely. The not responding to messages, especially when they come in at at time I can’t respond and then I forget. But there are quite a few I’m thankful not to fall under – working outside the home and all I still have to look kept up and see plenty of other people heh.

  5. I never know what day it is either. I try and put a positive spin on this by pretending every day is the weekend, although when youre a SAHM you dont really get a weekend do you?! #sharewithme

  6. Hahahaaa! Great Post Talya! Thankfully I haven’t experienced most of the first few but I can definitely relate to looking like a Hobo! What’s the point of dressing up when it’s soon going to be stained anyway. Oh and everyday is a weekend, and I forget what day it is. But what helps me remember is when Daddy’s home and I have another pair of hands! Yaayyyy! Tola x

  7. oh my goodness I LOLed at this post – I totally agree with you & these are all true! Especially the wine! lol Great to be a member of the club though ๐Ÿ™‚ #momsterlink x

    • Glad it made you LOL lovely…this is definitely a club…just trying to think of a good name for it now…oh I know…it’s MOTHERHOOD! haha

  8. The weekend just means all the playareas are busier! I don’t know though I still get excited about them and try to have weekend things…we always have a cup of tea in bed and on the weekend (wait for it) we have a biscuit with it! YES my life is so damn fun! Popping over from #momsterslink

  9. So true! I used to be cool…. I used to wear nice clothes…..I used to be the last one to leave any party (usually being carried out)….Now I am every one of these and more. The amazing thing is that I don’t even care. If anyone had told me pre-child that I would ever be seen out and about in a T-shirt stained with my own milk, I would scarcely have believed it, but now I don’t even care.

  10. LOL! This is hilarious! I can relate to ALL of these. So glad I stopped by your blog. I love your writing style and sense of humor! #momsterslink

  11. Ha ha ha! Absolutely yes to ALL of those. Nice to know I’m not alone though ๐Ÿ˜‰

    #Visiting from #momsterslink

  12. Yes!! All of them! This made me laugh. I am terrible for not replying to messages, or half replying and then getting distracted by a child, and remembering three weeks later. I get scared to have more than two drinks and definitely leave the house in clothes smeared with baby dribble/food/who knows what. In fact, some mornings, I even put on yesterday’s dirty clothes! Glad it’s not just me! #fridayfrolics

    • Lol I actually put on yesterday’s dirty clothes most days if I can get away with it – much easier than trying to find the headspace to dig out a new, clean outfit that’s for sure haha. Love a bit of skuzz!

  13. Pretty much “yes” to all of these. Can’t remember the last time I bought new knickers and I’ve been wearing maternity bras for so long its all I own now.
    Once the school run starts, I’ll probably be going out without showering first. I would not have considered that before!

    • I am a big fan of showering the night before if I ever want to have a shower at all. But we have to admit, maternity bras are SOOOO comfy!

  14. I am a ridiculous lightweight these days and I probably drink about twice a year! Not even a glass of wine in the evenings mostly I just can’t handle hangovers anymore!
    Thanks for linking up to #Picknmix
    Stevie x

  15. I’m sooo ready to embrace buying new clothes, getting hair done and going out more. I’m not sure, I’d ever be able to stop cooking shit food though – that happened to me even before I had kids..

  16. Hahaha! I apply to everyone of these! And inevitably when I look my absolute worst and think I can get in and out of the kindergarten playground without being noticed….there is ALWAYS someone who recognizes me! And the other day all I could think of while talking to her was…OMG my hair is such a greasy mess right now and I have a hole in my t-shirt! Thanks for the laugh as always! And for sharing with #momsterslink.

    • Yup, the beautiful law of sod at work in its most beautiful way – HA! The worst thing is instead of keeping the hole or grease to myself I always start apologizing for it like a jibbering baboon – WTF idiot! Thanks as always for hosting Trista! x

  17. Haha this had me laughing throughout! I have developed a taste to coffee since having my youngest, i can not survive without it. 9.30pm is quite late for me on a work night lol! #picknmix

  18. Ive pretty much just sat there saying yes, yes, yes, yes …. but mostly to 5 , 7 , 9 , 11 , 13 , 15 , 19 , 20. I never reply to text messages these days and will slumb in my pjs all day if I get the chance. Its less washing isn’t it! #PicknMix

  19. This is brilliant I love it and so true. Bonus for being a parent. lol Thanks for linking up to Share With Me blog hop. I hope you have enjoyed reading so many fab other blog posts and to see you again tomorrow for another great round of #sharewithme

  20. Love this and fear I fall into most of the categories. It’s all so scarily true. I don’t have little ones either. That smells of no hope to me. I will rest easy knowing that there are benefits to most of them to! Not sure what they are but do we care?! #picnmix

    • No way! I will have my locks perfectly coiffed for you wifey. As for the 9.30 curfew I can’t promise anything unless you ply with with Red Bull haha

  21. You are one clever word smith lady! Number 16 had me in fits. This is so true in every aspect…only I can still drink a fair amount and no the drunk (probably that 10am drinking I do – I should probably keep that to myself though!) Thanks for linking up to #TheList xx

    • 10am drinking? You are living the life I want to lead!!!! Think the word-smithery is fueled only by pure insanity and desperation haha. Thanks as always for hosting x

  22. Nice article. These are all true and most of them fit me perfectly, especially N.16. My son keeps telling me why I sleep so early because as soon as clock hits 10pm, my brain stops functioning and I have only sleep in mind.

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