GUEST POST: 6 surprising things that could improve your sex life after children

improve your sex life after children

If you feel like your sex life has dwindled or isn’t what it used to be before children, there are several things you can do to regain that intimacy you once shared together.

Talk to each other

While many parents feel too tired to have sex by the end of the day, talking to each other about how you can start having regular sex again is the first step.

Hormonal changes after childbirth and some medical conditions can also impact upon your libido. You may also be worried about getting pregnant again or that sex doesn’t feel the same as before. There may be a physiological reason for your lack of energy and some medications can affect your sex drive, so speak to your GP if you think this may be the problem.

Bring back romance

Children at any age can be exhausting and overwhelming, and parents feel that they are being selfish if they think of themselves rather than their children. However, having a good relationship is healthy for you and your family, so don’t let the romance between you and your partner fade.

Try boosting the romance with simple gestures such as flirting with each other, writing little notes, talking in code or catching your partner’s eye across the breakfast table. Cuddles and kisses can make you feel connected, putting you in the mood for sex later in the day. It’s always a great way to clear the room of teenagers too!

Privacy

Many parents say that having more privacy and time away from their children would significantly improve their sex lives.

Privacy is difficult when you have children at any age, but small children normally have a regular bedtime. Younger children won’t even be aware of what you are doing if they do walk in on you and can be put back to bed.

Parents of teenagers often find that their offspring roaming around the house at all hours can be extremely off putting, so installing locks can help to avoid embarrassing interruptions. From personal experience having three teenagers, if you do get interrupted, your teenager will only ever do that once: they will be more mortified than you!

Create your own private space for you and your partner, making your children aware that this is your space and your time, so no interruptions except in case of emergencies!

Sex doesn’t need to last hours

Become the masters of quickie sex! Marathon sex sessions can be satisfying but completely exhausting and not always possible on a regular basis, whereas a quickie can be.

You don’t even have to have penetrative sex; indulging in foreplay, mutual maturbation or using a sex toy can be just as satisfying and keep you in the mood for bedtime play.

There is something explicitly exciting about having a secret quickie before embarking on your daily routine. Even at the end of a tiring day, having quickie sex can help you connect and sleep better too.

Add some spice to your sex life

I always recommend investing in a good bottle of pH balanced lubricant such as “YES organic lubricant”.

Often considered as something prescribed, sexual lubricant can transform your sex life. Even if you feel aroused, you may still experience vaginal dryness as result of hormonal changes after childbirth and breastfeeding.

Using sexual lubricant can make sex feel more pleasurable, comfortable – especially if you have post childbirth scarring – and last longer.

Be adventurous and talk to each other about incorporating sex toys into your sex play. You don’t need to buy the biggest sex toy you can find a simple bullet vibrator is great for using clitorally during sex. This can help you orgasm if you find yourself struggling to after childbirth or if your level of sexual arousal has changed. A vibrating constriction ring worn by the man offers clitoral stimulation and help him to last longer and feel bigger during sex too.

Hotel Sex

Getting away for even one night can mean extensive planning, but it is well worth the effort as it can allow couples to relax in a way that may not be possible at home. You may also find that your children appreciate you more when they have been parted from you, even after a few days.

In a hotel, we’re free from typical parenting responsibilities, meaning we become relaxed and more amenable to the thought of having uninterrupted sex. We also tend to shed some of our inhibitions and let go, making as much noise as we like and no one is going to interrupt at an awkward moment!

Whatever you do, make time for sexual intimacy and pleasure in whatever way you can; your relationship is just as important as your children.

What do you think about the tips above? Have you tried to instigate any of them to improve your sex life after children? If you feel like sharing, do leave a comment below.

Samantha Evans is a Sexual Health Expert and Co Owner of Online Sex Toy Retailer – Jo Divine. Follow her on Twitter here.

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